How to get out of a bad situation...

Petlamb

Actually, mental health is worth looking at, I agree. My depression/suspected BPD means I tend to make poor choices with money when I'm especially ill, and my OH has depression (suspected bipolar) so when he's in a manic cycle, all his money goes - he could literally blow ANY amount given to him.

Betty_Crumble

Hi again, i think its sad that a grown man would see the solution to be more debt rather than give up the tv and games. Its time to get harsh hun, seriously he sounds the wrong side of selfish. Gosh i hate that i want to say more but i dont want to be rude or upset you, I just find its frustrating to read that the main brick wall you are up against is the one person that should be helping the most to knock that brick wall down!
Really, really hope something gets sorted soon chuck. Good luck.

sparklefrog

backinbusiness wrote: »

My two pence worth.

Before meeting (now-ex) husband I didn't even have an overdraft; settled all cards in full monthly.

Husband had a money leak. New gadget? Don't mind if I do. Ten grand vehicle? Don't mind if I do, etc, etc.

In 2009 we seperated. He had bad credit so used my credit cards to fund his spending. (And I know they were MY cards, but he would throw the most almighty strop if I refused - really, really unpleasant). Debt of about £16K all in.

Fast forward to 2012. I am debt-free and budget religiously for everything. I have no overdraft. I settle my cards monthly in full.

And the ex?

He has just this week cancelled a promised holiday in Wales with our children as he couldn't afford it!

He earns probably 3 x as much as I do.

You will need to get this sorted out OP.

I am now left with a trashed credit record with 3 defaults on there not due to drop off until 2015.

Good luck.

BiB

You could be writing my story there. I was careful with money till I met my EX as well. He brought home 2k a month (this was in 1993) so it was a huge wage at the time. Because he worked away a month then home a month. He believed he had every right to spend 4k when he arrived home from sea. So every new gadget that appeared he got. Rounds of drinks at the pub for his mates... no problem. new sound system for the car, why the hell not.
I ended up using my wages of around 800 to try and pay mortgage and bills and stuff for the kids and to try and keep us afloat. He remortgaged our home onto a 20% apr. He basically crippled us financially until I had enough and threw him out.
I Bought a house for 3x my salary, gave him the keys to the big house that I couldnt afford to run and then after we separated he took out loans in his name and did a runner to USA leaving me joint and severally liable as the divorce hadn't gone through.
He left me with 2 kids, a new mortgage which was a 3rd of my salary and 18k worth of debt. I only became debt free in January this year after 19 years of juggling debts and trying to get my kids educated and through uni.

You need to get him on board NOW before it spirals out of control and if he wont, then you need to protect yourself from being stuck with his debt

bach230

As an update to all this, not a lot has changed but his mum has decided to give us some inheritance from deceased relatives. My own personal account now has £6000 in it. This seems to be mainly to pay off his debts, not much to go towards the joint account which all the bills go out of as, at the moment, my husband has had a temporary promotion so will be getting more money for a bit. He is therefore planning on putting some more of his wages into the joint account to help clear it - put some of the £6000 into the joint account but most of it towards his debts. He will be closing down the accounts.

As a slightly upside we have recently found out that we shouldn't have been paying buildings insurance on our property for the last 5 years - see post on Insurance board - so are looking to get some money from this too, though how much is difficult to speculate.