How to get out of a bad situation...

bach230

Dharma_Bunny wrote: »

Tax Credits? Didn't see that on the SOA.

We cancelled the sky tv and use the box for freeview. Easy saving and you get all the freeview channels.

We don't get any tax credits. We earn too much according to HMRC. Recent letter we had from them says that although they recognise we qualify for tax credits, our income means our award is down to nothing.

bach230

ILW wrote: »

Why will you not address your husbands spending?

I'm trying to address my husband's spending and i am constantly asking him why he buys so much but i just don't get anywhere with him. Myself and several members of both our families have spoken to him regarding his spending and the situation we're in etc, but, though he will sit there and take it all in, he will just continue spending on silly things like computer games - that's his biggest downfall i would say.

ILW

bach230 wrote: »

I'm trying to address my husband's spending and i am constantly asking him why he buys so much but i just don't get anywhere with him. Myself and several members of both our families have spoken to him regarding his spending and the situation we're in etc, but, though he will sit there and take it all in, he will just continue spending on silly things like computer games - that's his biggest downfall i would say.

Sorry, but unless this is addressed, all the other tinkering around the edges is a waste of time and effort. For every pound you save he will most likely spend two extra.

RAS

bach230 wrote: »

I'm trying to address my husband's spending and i am constantly asking him why he buys so much but i just don't get anywhere with him. Myself and several members of both our families have spoken to him regarding his spending and the situation we're in etc, but, though he will sit there and take it all in, he will just continue spending on silly things like computer games - that's his biggest downfall i would say.

Hi

You may need to get outside help.

Christians against Poverty do home visits and are one of martin's recommended deft adviuce charities.

Otherwise i think you need to make it palin that he either shapes up or ships out.

I suspect this debt has arisen since you had little one?

Right now it stands at nearly £10K. In three years time it will be £25K or over unless HE addresses his spending. You cannot address his spending, only he can do that.

bargainbetty

Stop bailing him out. He isn't learning how to deal with real life.

Show him all the figures, secure the funds you need to pay the bills as they stand, even if it means his salary gets paid into an account he cannot access and then his spare money is transferred back for him to spend as he wishes. Let him pay his own credit card bills or loan - do not include the money for those in your figures.

When he comes to you for a loan to get through the month, say no. When his cards max out, leave him to it. When his DMP starts, be supportive.

If he says he can't be bothered to do something, do it anyway and get it sorted anyway. You are not under his boot to be prevented from making fiscal changes that help your family, so just do it, and stash the money you save in a separate household account that he can't get to. Build a savings fund to protect your child.

Reduce Sky, reduce the internet (their minimum package is fine), reduce your insurance costs, reduce your expenses overall and keep all the savings in your account. Do not use it to bail him out - ever. It is a household fund, not an Amazon fund.

If you do this, you have a chance of letting him reach his crisis moment with the least risk to you and your child. If you carry on as you are, you're going to fall with him.

Good luck

bach230

RAS wrote: »

Hi

You may need to get outside help.

Christians against Poverty do home visits and are one of martin's recommended deft adviuce charities.

Otherwise i think you need to make it palin that he either shapes up or ships out.

I suspect this debt has arisen since you had little one?

Right now it stands at nearly £10K. In three years time it will be £25K or over unless HE addresses his spending. You cannot address his spending, only he can do that.

I saw Christians against Poverty helping someone on tv the other day, helping a young mum who had lost her job i think. They were shown helping her manage her spending on bills etc. I had thought about debt advice charities so thanks for that suggestion.

The debt has been ongoing for quite some time, prior to our son being born. Before i met my husband he was in trouble then - he told me that when he was at college and working for a construction company he was £19000 a year and just blew his spare cash on things because he didn't need to pay his parents much in the way of rent. This has therefore spiralled out of control through the years. I have helped him out at least once with my savings, my savings have also been used to buy things for when we moved into the house and over the last 12-18 months maybe my savings have been used to bail the joint account out all the time, hence why i haven't got a huge amount left myself but as i don't spend my money on menial things then i can get buy from month to month, just about.

ILW

bach230 wrote: »

I saw Christians against Poverty helping someone on tv the other day, helping a young mum who had lost her job i think. They were shown helping her manage her spending on bills etc. I had thought about debt advice charities so thanks for that suggestion.

The debt has been ongoing for quite some time, prior to our son being born. Before i met my husband he was in trouble then - he told me that when he was at college and working for a construction company he was £19000 a year and just blew his spare cash on things because he didn't need to pay his parents much in the way of rent. This has therefore spiralled out of control through the years. I have helped him out at least once with my savings, my savings have also been used to buy things for when we moved into the house and over the last 12-18 months maybe my savings have been used to bail the joint account out all the time, hence why i haven't got a huge amount left myself but as i don't spend my money on menial things then i can get buy from month to month, just about.

He appears to have some sort of strange control over you. I would suspect there is more going on than just money.

DCFC79

OP to have any real chance of getting through this you are going to have to make some sacrifices and if it means getting rid of/ downgrading the sky package then surely thats a good thing. Not sure where you live but surely you could be doing something else than stuck inside watching tv eg enjoying the outdoors by going for walks, or even just some gardening.

backinbusiness

My two pence worth.

Before meeting (now-ex) husband I didn't even have an overdraft; settled all cards in full monthly.

Husband had a money leak. New gadget? Don't mind if I do. Ten grand vehicle? Don't mind if I do, etc, etc.

In 2009 we seperated. He had bad credit so used my credit cards to fund his spending. (And I know they were MY cards, but he would throw the most almighty strop if I refused - really, really unpleasant). Debt of about £16K all in.

Fast forward to 2012. I am debt-free and budget religiously for everything. I have no overdraft. I settle my cards monthly in full.

And the ex?

He has just this week cancelled a promised holiday in Wales with our children as he couldn't afford it!

He earns probably 3 x as much as I do.

You will need to get this sorted out OP.

I am now left with a trashed credit record with 3 defaults on there not due to drop off until 2015.

Good luck.

BiB

elaine12022

I ditto others - you know yourself your husband's spending is the problem. Now, there could be reasons. Does he have any mental health problems - (maybe undiagnosed) - are there triggers to his spending? eg being 'high', or 'stressed'. Or is he taking you for a ride? How does he behave in other areas of life? Now, even if he is willing to try & manage his spending it won't be easy. I am working with my OH on that issue. Finally I got agreement to have all money paid into my account and agreement to have access to his. (I kept separate accounts).

Is your husband using your good nature against you? If he actually doesn't care about your welfare or your family then you may be having to make some very difficult decisions for your own sanity xx