How to help bereaved friend

zaksmum

Friend is 74 and very recently bereaved. Bit of a difficult person - sort of pseudo posh, and quite snobby and scathing about various neighbours too.

Without being too over the top, what can I best do to help?

pawsies

Sympathy card and say you're there for them if they need you?

Possibly offer to take them out somewhere? It's up to them if they want to accept or not.

Just be there for them I think.

Errata

What does the friend seem to be in need of? Company, shoulder to cry on, listening ear, money ........ Or something else?

McKneff

Food, - in grief, cooking is probably the first thing they will stop doing

jenhug

Sorry to ask this on this topic and not the other, but what did he decide regarding viewing his wife's body?

Lotus-eater

zaksmum wrote: »

Without being too over the top, what can I best do to help?

Talk, be there, that's about it.

Millie2008_2

Another vote for just being there and sitting with your friend, when appropriate. Lots of people struggle with the grief of others and tend to want to "do" things, which may be helpful, but the important bit is communicating to your friend that you can bear his/her grief.

Good luck

zaksmum

jenhug wrote: »

Sorry to ask this on this topic and not the other, but what did he decide regarding viewing his wife's body?

Hi jenhug. He did go to see her and very much wished he hadn't.

He didn't volunteer any information beyond saying she'd not looked anything at all like his wife and it would have been far better for him to have remembered her as she had been.

He's just wanting to shut himself away now and I suppose I have to respect that and not force my company on someone who doesn't want it, at this time.

Mojisola

You have to adapt to whatever that person wants so take your lead from him.

My Mum died just over a month ago and my Dad is finding it very difficult when people come up and commiserate with him. If I can catch them in advance, I ask them to ask about how he's doing but not to say much about Mum for the moment.

He talks about her with me and I hope he'll be able to do it with other people later on but, right now, it starts the tears and he doesn't want to cry in front of other people.

jenhug

zaksmum wrote: »

Hi jenhug. He did go to see her and very much wished he hadn't.

He didn't volunteer any information beyond saying she'd not looked anything at all like his wife and it would have been far better for him to have remembered her as she had been.

He's just wanting to shut himself away now and I suppose I have to respect that and not force my company on someone who doesn't want it, at this time.

Thanks for the update. What an awful memory to be left with.