Workmate with mental illness, getting worse, what can his friend do?

bob_dob

Hi,
A workmate of my friend has suffered severe depression in the past and has shown many extremely strange behaviour of late. He is gradually getting more worked up every week over his problems with the CSA request payments from him and he is becoming aggresive and unstable.

His employers know he is unstable and do not know of anything they can do. He has recently experienced disagreements with his employers and is steadily talking himself out of a job with him. They are not treating him badly but also not helping him with his obvious problems.

His friend is very concerned that the employee in question will eventually 'blow his top' so to speak and could even have a breakdown. His friend spoke to the production manager to express his fears and the manager told him that it has to be in writing.

Please can someone help me help my friend with this? How could he express his concern in a way that is not a complaint but is actually trying to pre-empt any trouble for his friend?

Jinx

Speak to HR and ask to be referred to occupational health or call the employee assistance line for advice if you have such a thing?

bob_dob

Thanks, no employee assistance number.
You think speaking to HR is better than a letter?

mynameistallulah

Before speaking to anyone at work I would contact Mind for some specialist advice. Their number is 0300 1233393, or you can email them at info@mind.org.uk. This needs to be handled very carefully, so as not to make things worse for this person.

marybelle01

If he's a friend - speak to him! No, this isn't the easy option, but it is the only one that stands a chance of working. Somebody cannot be forced into treatment or to seek help unless they are a danger to themselves or others, and he is way below this threshold. Even if he agreed to an occupational health referral (assuming the employer has such a thing) they cannot treat him and they also cannot refer him to his GP without his permission. If he cannot see the problem that his friend sees already, then he isn't likely to see this as anything other than another attack on him. Which will make him more aggressive and unstable.

If talking to him face to face seems too difficult, and assuming this really is a friend and therefore someone he would trust, write him a personal letter. It's sometimes easier to say what you want to when you can edit it and make sure that it sounds just right to you.

The people most likely to get through to someone with a mental illness are those people that they trust or love.

gibson123

He needs to address this with his friend and help him to get proper medical care. if he is becoming more ill he is not getting appropriate treatment. The employer has a duty of care for employees however this means that they must not do anything that would harm the employee, if the illness is not work related there is very little the employer can do, apart from support the employee to get better. With mental illness patients may refuse to take medication or follow doctor's orders, so it is important that you inform the employer he is getting proper medical care and that his condition will either get better or be controlled by medication. Hope this helps.

bob_dob

marybelle01 wrote: »

If he's a friend - speak to him! No, this isn't the easy option, but it is the only one that stands a chance of working. Somebody cannot be forced into treatment or to seek help unless they are a danger to themselves or others, and he is way below this threshold. Even if he agreed to an occupational health referral (assuming the employer has such a thing) they cannot treat him and they also cannot refer him to his GP without his permission. If he cannot see the problem that his friend sees already, then he isn't likely to see this as anything other than another attack on him. Which will make him more aggressive and unstable.

If talking to him face to face seems too difficult, and assuming this really is a friend and therefore someone he would trust, write him a personal letter. It's sometimes easier to say what you want to when you can edit it and make sure that it sounds just right to you.

The people most likely to get through to someone with a mental illness are those people that they trust or love.

Great advice, unfortunately he will not see sense.
When he has been given evidence (in a friendly way) which should completely stop his crusade against the CSA and his employers he just refused to acknowledge it im afraid.

marybelle01

bob_dob wrote: »

Great advice, unfortunately he will not see sense.
When he has been given evidence (in a friendly way) which should completely stop his crusade against the CSA and his employers he just refused to acknowledge it im afraid.

Then I am sorry, but the advice would have to be to step back and be there for him when he needs you - which may be too late, but no matter how bad things get, you stick by him if he is a friend. I work with a lot of people with mental illness, and the fact is that if they cannot and will not see it there is almost nothing that you can do. Except be there to help pick up the pieces. It is an awful and hard thing to watch happen, but it is impossible to make someone see what they will not. Despite his illness he is deemed in law to be mentally competant.

My only other suggestion would be, if you know who his GP is, or if you have contact with family members who may know - go to his GP and express your concerns. The GP is in the same bind you are - he or she can't force anything, but they may be able to get somewhere because of their status as a doctor.

bob_dob

marybelle01 wrote: »

Then I am sorry, but the advice would have to be to step back and be there for him when he needs you - which may be too late, but no matter how bad things get, you stick by him if he is a friend. I work with a lot of people with mental illness, and the fact is that if they cannot and will not see it there is almost nothing that you can do. Except be there to help pick up the pieces. It is an awful and hard thing to watch happen, but it is impossible to make someone see what they will not. Despite his illness he is deemed in law to be mentally competant.

My only other suggestion would be, if you know who his GP is, or if you have contact with family members who may know - go to his GP and express your concerns. The GP is in the same bind you are - he or she can't force anything, but they may be able to get somewhere because of their status as a doctor.

Brilliant! I will just say that it really is my friend, not me, who is taking the action but your sentiments are very much appreciated!!

gibson123

bob_dob wrote: »

Great advice, unfortunately he will not see sense.
When he has been given evidence (in a friendly way) which should completely stop his crusade against the CSA and his employers he just refused to acknowledge it im afraid.

oh dear, I agree with Marybelle on this. Sometimes you can help by comparing it will physical illness but it's a long shot. Ask him to Imagine if he had a broken leg and he refused to get treatment for it and went into work in pain and was disruptive, the employer would be quite entitled to show him the door. if he won't take it on board you can only be there to pick up the pieces.

marybelle01

gibson123 wrote: »

oh dear, I agree with Marybelle on this. Sometimes you can help by comparing it will physical illness but it's a long shot. Ask him to Imagine if he had a broken leg and he refused to get treatment for it and went into work in pain and was disruptive, the employer would be quite entitled to show him the door. if he won't take it on board you can only be there to pick up the pieces.

Yes. The problem often is that after the pieces are broken, the person has driven away all their friends and becomes increasingly isolated - which reinforces their condition. They see it as being let down by everybody else, but that is the illness speaking. The rationalisation of the fact that they are often feeling abandoned. The reality if somewhat different. I see this professionally, but I have also been through it personally. A very close friend of mine killed herself last year - the last of many attempts. Or probably the most "successful" of many bluffs. She could be a very caring and kind person. She could also be a right b!!!!h. And many of her friends left, not because they were bad people, but just because they could not cope with her pain and the pain she inflicted on others. It's a hard road. Your friend shouldn't underestimate it. But it's one that will show his or her mettle.

And just to reinforce a piece of advice earlier on - MIND will support those who are supporting those with mental illness, not just those who suffer from it.