no income but I got a credit card!

Bravehearted_2

molly22 wrote: »

i totally agree, but as his mother that is what i do.
i can makes excuses for him whatever he does.:)
but i do know this is wrong.
any ideas what i can do to help him see that what he has done is wrong?
he will be helped financially so that isnt really the issue here, its the moral side of things thats a problem.

his take is, he is at college and will get a good job so whats a thousand pounds?
so scary, im lost as to what to say to him.

Good luck getting a job with a criminal record for fraud.

You just keep condoning this, mum of the year.

molly22

can i thank you all for taking the time to reply to my OP.

some sensible words, some caring people and a few sarcastic comments, not unexpected.

My son is at a very vulnerable age, not unlike the 'terrible two's'
He knows everything, and he is surrounded my well-meaning supportive family, but we know nothing!

those will children may be more understanding, I have my own ways to think about how to help for the best, but when it is someone close to you things aren't that cut and dried.
I'm sure in years gone by, kids would have been thrown out of their homes, probably for much less!
but my son is a good lad, who has probably been over protected, even spoilt, owing to the circumstances we find ourselves in.

so thanks again, i'm no clearer as to what to do for the best, but at least i have more knowledge about the problem

thanks
molly

Tina20

I just need to point out,

19 is not a vulnerable age
Your son is not a child

He certainly sounds very spoilt. At 19 (last year believe it or not) I had been independent for 2 years. Had a car, job, baby on the way etc.

Why can you not just let him deal with his own mess? You are enabling him by attempting to shoulder the blame and trying to help him.

He needs to learn that when he messes up, he has to deal with the consequences. I learned on my own, why can't he?

Jakg

reclusive46 wrote: »

Agreed my son gets paid over 20k (He is 20) and has next to no credit history and gets limits of 500.

I was 20 with a part time income of £3.5kpa, and had ~£3k of available credit across 3 cards - he doesn't necessarily have to have been lieing about his income.

Amex cards, for example, don't actually ask for YOUR income, they ask for the HOUSEHOLD income - big difference!EDIT:

YorkshireBoy wrote: »

If you mean they take "household income", they qualify this by saying, on the application form...

"I have an Annual Household Income of £20,000 (ie. your personal income plus partner's income.)"

The income of parents, siblings, etc is not what they're asking for. Indeed, passing off this as "household income" would be 'deception to gain a pecuniary advantage', ie fraud.

When I applied for my Amex card, there were no such statements on the website - it JUST said "household income", there were no stipulations. I was accepted for £1,200.

System

OP, I'm not blaming you for your son's indiscretion (I remember being 19 and thought I knew better than my parents), but OP, you need to be firm with him. He is committing fraud as well as being completely irresponsible. I would not give him a penny more and also would expect him to repay you as well as the credit card provider. He desperately needs to learn the value of money as clearly he has no concept at the minute and will be knocking on the door of a pay day lender in no time......

This is why Financial education should be brought in at schools asap...

RobertoMoir

molly22 wrote: »

any ideas what i can do to help him see that what he has done is wrong?
he will be helped financially so that isnt really the issue here, its the moral side of things thats a problem.

If he's committing fraud to get those credit limits then it's a bit more than just a "moral" issue.

As for helping him financially, I'd suggest that you don't do that. He should be forced to feel the pain, the consequences of his poor decisions. That might help him see that what he has done is wrong.

At the very least, if you keep helping him then what he'll learn is "I can do whatever I want and mum will bail me out if it gets sticky". You might think you're helping by doing stuff like this, but it's like buying an alcoholic a bottle of whisky.

molly22 wrote: »

so scary, im lost as to what to say to him.

How about something like "It's your problem. Don't come crying to me when this bites you in the !!!".

Paradox12

I have been in that position at 19/20 and without any guidance from my parents. I went and got loans and credit cards being short sighted and i set myself up for years of debt and a rubbish credit file. I was irresponsible too and even now my credit file is still suffering the effects.

Not only this but i lived in a cycle of debt for years and it takes alot to get out of that cycle, and be responsible with money and credit. He's in a position now where you can make a change but if you let it continue it will get worse and later down the line he will realise the mistakes. However, by then its too late. he would not get a mortgage and struggle to even rent a property without a credit check.

You can wrap him in cotton wool and let it all go or you can have a serious discussion with him. If that doesnt work send him on here to read up!

Hope it works out

Th1984

Just to add to and back up Tina20's point. 19 is not a child. Ever.

At 19 I was working full time & embarking on a course of professional training, living on my own. Nothing bar emotional support from my family.

My wife at 19 was living alone and independently as an adult in the world.

He will let you bail him out of this, and the next thing until you either a finally have enough and stop bailing or b he grows up a little and takes some responsibility

opinions4u

molly22 wrote: »

My son is at a very vulnerable age, not unlike the 'terrible two's'

When does he stop being "vulnerable"? When he finds a longer term relationship? What about when that relationship breaks down? When he becomes a Dad and has to support a family on one income? When he loses that income to redundancy? When he suffers depression in his 30s? Or heart murmers in his 40s? Early retirement on a smaller than expected income in his 50s? Or can't get travel insurance in his 60s? Or when his mind turns to jelly in his 80s?

He's an adult. He takes adult decisions. He faces adult consequences.

He knows everything, and he is surrounded my well-meaning supportive family, but we know nothing!

If you bail him out you teach him nothing. If you warn him of consequences and he ignores you, you have fulfilled your role as a responsible parent.

those will children may be more understanding, I have my own ways to think about how to help for the best, but when it is someone close to you things aren't that cut and dried.

Pardon the pun, but if you mollycoddle him he will never grow up.

I'm sure in years gone by, kids would have been thrown out of their homes, probably for much less!

It's still an option today. It's still an option open to you. Chucking him out would force him to grow up. I think you're a few steps away from that course of action though.

but my son is a good lad, who has probably been over protected, even spoilt, owing to the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Time to shock him then. Tell him you're not sorting it out for him. You will give advice on his options, but he will not see a penny from you. He can sell the car. Get a part time job. Quit college or whatever. But please don't create a space For him to become a freeloading waster.

He created the problem. He can fix it.

arcon5

Tell him if he is mature enough to take out credit and own 2 cars then he is old and mature enough to be able to pay rent and contribute to the household.