Moving closer to a parent 18 July 2012 at 1:22PM edited 4 September 2012 at 1:27PM in Over 50s MoneySaving 9 replies 2.6K views

Whatretirement

I'm know this is one of those "that depends" questions but I'm hoping to clarify my thoughts!

My dad lives an hour and a half drive (mostly motorway) from us. We speak on the phone every day and see him twice a week at least. He's 77 and fit and well.
We have no ties in the area we currently live in and work in jobs that we can move with.
We want to move close enough to be able to just pop round and see him without a motorway trip.

When is the right time to make this move? On the one hand we'll possibly know when the time is right, on the other hand I'd like to just get on and do it and be in control of it.

Appreciate any feedback.

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pollypenny

I'd say when it suits you and only if you really want to. Do you have lots of friends where you live now?

You may not have to move near him at all

Farway

As no ties in area where you are currently living I would just do it and put down roots near your dad. Although he is fit & well this may not always be the case as you are no doubt aware

Assuming your OH is OK with it, just do it

Newly_retired

I'm just wondering what your dad would think if you just did this.
Is there is a possibility that he might not actually like you living so close?

Dunroamin

Might it not be simpler for him to move near you when he needs more care?

Norma_Desmond

Dunroamin wrote: »

Might it not be simpler for him to move near you when he needs more care?

My parents moved from the Cotswolds to be closer to us around 10 years ago and it was the best move they could have made.

They were retired, I'm an only child and they managed to sell the family home easily enough and downsize to a lovely bungalow just a mile or so away.

Sadly Dad developed Alzheimers a couple of years after the move, but what a comfort it was to be able to help him and Mum at the drop of a hat.

When Dad passed away last year we were there for Mum and we all supported each other - there's a lot to be said for being able to pop around with the odd meal etc.

Now Mum is due a hip replacement and again I breathe a sigh of relief that we're so close.

Errata

To be brutally honest, dad can kick the bucket the day after you move in next to him - what then? Do you move again?

PasturesNew

It'd be better if he moved closer to you, unless he has a big local network of friends/activities already.

He could phone you tomorrow and say he's had a terminal diagnosis, or he might be in the newspapers in 40 years' time as the UK's oldest bloke. "When" is a question that can never be answered.

If you're going to do it, then sooner is better than later.... if you leave it until later you might find yourselves doing it under pressure and therefore lacking in choices.

Whatretirement

My dad lives in the village he was born in and is part of a community. We've moved around a bit and only moved to this area three years ago so all our close friends live further away. All our relatives live closer to my dad than to us so it would make sense for us to move rather than him. As far as us living closer, he'd like us all to live in the village! Assuming that we move when he's still fit and well, we are close but we need our own lives so wouldn't want to be living literally around the corner, just a reasonable car journey that doesn't involve a motorway.

If he got a terminal diagnosis the simplest thing to do would be to rent something round the corner from him. If he kicks the bucket the day after we move then yes, we would probably move again, when we retire.

Bigmoney2

Whatretirement wrote: »

My dad lives in the village he was born in and is part of a community. We've moved around a bit and only moved to this area three years ago so all our close friends live further away. All our relatives live closer to my dad than to us so it would make sense for us to move rather than him. As far as us living closer, he'd like us all to live in the village! Assuming that we move when he's still fit and well, we are close but we need our own lives so wouldn't want to be living literally around the corner, just a reasonable car journey that doesn't involve a motorway.

If he got a terminal diagnosis the simplest thing to do would be to rent something round the corner from him. If he kicks the bucket the day after we move then yes, we would probably move again, when we retire.

Are either/both of you working ( as you haven't yet retired)? If so what impact would the move have on your jobs, would your commute be significantly longer or more difficult or costly.

You travel to/from work 5 times a week (assuming full time 5 day week) but only travel to dad twice week. It will be easier to do the longest trip 2x rather than 5x a week.

Another thing to consider is the actual cost of moving with estate agents fees, solicitors, surveys, stamp duty etc it could be substantial sum.