Hi Please help- mother taken son to live abroad without consent

Rich_LL

Thanks for reading this.

I am married and my wife took our 10 month old to israel for a holiday to see her family and on the last day of her trip she called and said she told we she wasn't prepared to come home. This happened about a month ago and my life has been hell. She hates the weather here and a few other things but basically i am a great dad and have never harmed or hurt or even cheated on her so what she has done is really out of order.

She seems to think its acceptable.

She is saying that she wants me to pay £500 pcm until Ronny is 18.

My solicitor says that i am able to get them back under the Hauge convention. The problem is that if she comes back I will lose half of my house, we have only been married for 2 years and i owned it before we married and I worked so hard for this i dont want to risk losing it unless i have guarantees she is unable to move to israel with my son legally. If she is I may as well settle as I will always take care of my son but dont want to have to pay for her lifestyle if she steals my son and takes him abroad to live.

Is there a strong chance that she will be able to move to Israel legally with ronny or do I stand a strong chance in getting Ronny to live here where he was born>

I dont want her to come back and then apply to go back to Israel with half of my house.

I am happy to pay my wife whatever the courts here tell if I am able to have Ronny also live here.

Am i better to agree visitation rights and settle with her on the basis that she stays there and just pay alimony for my son?

So confused and would love opinions,

Thanks

Richard

Mojisola

Assuming you have parental rights, you can stop her taking her son to live abroad (once they come back, that is).

You can't stop her moving to the other end of the UK though which might make access almost as difficult as if they were abroad.

What child maintenance you pay will depend on your income. She can't set the amount that she wants. Look at the CSA site.

I would go on some of the fathers' rights forum. You will find other men in the same position as you and it's usually helpful to be able to talk to people going through the same thing as you.

Ellejmorgan

OP as you were married PR is automatic, you don't even need to be on the birth cert as it's presumed the child is a product of the marraige, she would have to prove otherwise..

You need fast legal advice....

Dunroamin

Is it just the case that your wife wants to live in Israel near her family rather than that she wants to break up the marriage? If this is the case, have you considered relocating to Israel to make a new start for you all there?

KiKi

Dunroamin wrote: »

Is it just the case that your wife wants to live in Israel near her family rather than that she wants to break up the marriage? If this is the case, have you considered relocating to Israel to make a new start for you all there?

I'm not having a go at you specifically, Dumroamin, but I do wonder if the OP was female and said "my ex husband has taken my son abroad without my permission and isn't coming back" if anyone would suggest the OP uproot her whole life and go live abroad!

I don't have any advice for you, OP, but I really hope you manage to get your son back in the country to spend some time with him.

KiKi

michelle2008

Have you talked to her about access? Could you afford to travel to Israel to see you son nd talk this through with your wife?

If she would sit down and talk there is a possibility you could reach a compromise before the battle lines are drawn?

Dunroamin

KiKi wrote: »

I'm not having a go at you specifically, Dumroamin, but I do wonder if the OP was female and said "my ex husband has taken my son abroad without my permission and isn't coming back" if anyone would suggest the OP uproot her whole life and go live abroad!

If the situation was the same I most certainly would - why wouldn't I?

Anyway, she's hardly an ex wife, is she?

devils_advocate

You have some very big decisions to make, and soon.

Firstly, has your marriage irretrievably broken down?If so, divorce is possibly the best option. However if you feel (and it has to be an objective view, rather than just hoping) that your wife has had some kind of short term issue, are you prepared to welcome her back into the marriage?

Once you have decided this, you can then decide what to do next. I'm assuming that the option is divorce. Think of the best option for your son. Can you take care of him full time? This isn't such a strange question. If your wife would have to have a full time job as a single parent, and you also had to have a full time job, who is necessarily the parent better able to care for the child?

Your son's country of residence is the UK, on the face of what you say.

It may be that because you have a greater support network for your son in the UK, you could be given primary residence of him ,with his mother seeing him up to 50% of the time.

Once you have decided what you want for the best, then you can set about getting your son back. Look at the Reunite website http://www.reunite.org/index.asp They are very good at giving practical advice, and I would suggest that you call their helpline if you haven't already.

For the cash settlement on divorce, it is unlikely that your wife would get half your house. The normal starting point is 50% for long marriages, but as yours is only 2 years she would get much less. However, if she got primary custody in the UK, other circumstances may apply. Speak to a solicitor. On deciding the split of assets judges have wide discretion, which actually means that there are sometimes completely mad judgements, and not everyone has the funds to appeal. Your solicitor is best placed to advise you.

I'm a single parent to 3 boys, who had to fight their mother for custody through the courts, as they wanted to live with me rather than her. It's not easy, but you can win. MY personal feeling as a man is taht you have to work twice as hard to achieve 50% of the result. But it is doable. Families need fathers (not the lot who dress in superhero outfits and cause traffic chaos) is also a very good resource and if you join you can have access to their advice line and forums.

Best of luck, and remember there is an end to it all.

DS4215

You need specialist legal advice from a lawyer familiar with the law both in the UK and in Israel. As she is over there now, that law applies (probably more than UK law), and you might be bound by decisions made in court over there on custody and maintenance.

You might also want to look up "Families Need Fathers" - they might have a reputation for protesting but can be a good source of information in your situation.

Gigglepig

Agree with posters above it depends on whether this is a bit of a break or a divorce.

If the mother wishes to break up the marriage and has better support (friends, family, perhaps job prospects or financial situation, and feels safer/happier) in Israel then perhaps it is in the best interest of the child to live there with her?

A 10 months old child won't be sorry about leaving their friends or changing schools, and in my personal opinion is way too young for a 50-50 custody arrangement.

Unless the dad is much better suited than the mum to be a full time single parent, and is prepared to take on full custody, this child may be better off living with his mum. For all we know, she may not even have finished breastfeeding yet!

It certainly sounds like Mum is the main carer and most important person in the world for the child, since the 10 month old was with her and not with Dad taking his extended paternity leave....?

I hope you can save your marriage OP but if it does break down, it isn't the end of the world if the child is based with a loving mum and family in Israel (even if it may hurt like hell). My advice would be to try to keep things amicable.

I assume your wife is not British. You knew that when you married her. If you try to force her to remain in the UK things could turn hostile and like others have said, she could live in the opposite end of the UK and sabotage you at every turn.

It is early days but if it is any comfort I know some international, jet-setting children who grew up get the best of both worlds, by having parents in separate countries.

Good luck OP, I hope you can go out to Israel, work out the marriage issues with your wife, and get them both back.

cottonhead

I would agree that you need to seek some legal advice and like the others say is the issue with your marriage or the living arrangements? If you went to Israel woud you be able to live together happily ? Is your wife happy in herself ? My sister in law suffered terribly from post natal depression and found she hated living in the Uk as a new mum with no family support. Could it be that ?
Try not to make any quick decisions. It could be an issue that could be sorted over time. Did you discuss living arrangements and everything properly before your child was born and did you have an arranged marriage or not live together before ? (I know some will think I am being sterotypical because you mentioned Israel but its a geniune question as this has been the case with some of my family and they had similar issues ).
Try and keep it cool for the sake of the child and see if you can go donw the route of mediation rather than working out how to live apart. Perhaps it could be worked out and everything sorted before your child even realised there was a problem.
Good luck.