Am I being petty to DS's father??

epskie

Hello, I'd really welcome some advice please.

My Ds's father and I have been separated since he was 3 months old. We are both remarried, very amicable and run the children's football team together. He has always been reliable and paid his way towards our son.

He has another child now. Since the arrival of the new child his new partner has been rather nasty to my Son; I addressed this immediately and without going into too much detail it was resolved quickly.

My Son's father pays £100 per month for our son and has done for years, via the CSA. His current situation is that they live in a home that belongs to his FIL and they pay no rent to him. He recently received a large inheritance from his Grandfather when he passed away.

My Son is 11 and starts comprehensive school in September and I asked his father to help me with the costs of uniform, PE kit, shoes etc and he refused.

My question is am I right in asking for help from him or is he right to refuse? I am certain I'm not being petty but I can see why it might come across that way.

Many thanks in advance.

fannyanna

epskie wrote: »

My question is am I right in asking for help from him or is he right to refuse?

There's not really a right or wrong answer here.

The only thing that is clearly right or wrong is whether he's paying the child maintenance that he's legally liable to pay. You mention that he pays £100 via the CSA so I presume he is. Has this amount reduced since he had his second child?

Ultimately if he doesn't want to contribute over and above what he pays via the CSA there is nothing you can do about it. Without knowing the full in's and out's of both your situation and his situation I don't think anyone can make a decision as to whether he's morally right or wrong for not contributing further.

thehappybutterfly

Have you asked for assistance with these type of purchases before? If this is the first time, hot on the heels of an inheritance, he might be suspicious and wondering where this is going to stop. You know, "this time it's school, it'll be a holiday next, then Xmas is around the corner........"

However, if dad has always helped out for the bigger purchases like new trainers, holiday clothes, that kind of thing, it seems odd that he would all of a sudden refuse.

Legally, I don't think you can demand any extras from him if the CSA has set the maintenance figure.

BitterAndTwisted

You've asked and he's declined. Possibly because he thinks that he's paying enough in maintenance. I don't think he is but that's all you're entitled to, and that includes his uniform. Asking him for a contribution in excess of the maintenance because you know about the inheritance smacks of opportunism even if it isn't. By the same token, I can't understand why he wouldn't want to voluntarily without being asked.

epskie

Sorry, the inheritance was about a year ago - I was just giving a little more background by mentioning it. The maintenance was calculated years ago, before he began to live in a rent free house. He also claims the 52 nights per year discount on the maintenance payments even though my Son has never stayed there more than a few times a year.

He drives a brand new Audi and she a brand new BMW, but living rent free will probably help with that. It has hurt a little that he declined and perhaps I'm still stinging from that. Maybe I should contact the CSA for a review but I imagine he would not be honest about the rent free situation?

It is just a bit of a struggle as he gets older.

fannyanna

Are you on CSA1 or CSA2?

epskie

I'm not sure. Could you explain the difference please?

Scrapaholic

As someone else said , why wouldn't he want to contribute if he can, for something for his own child . I don't know your situation but I do know that children's things cost such a lot . If it was me I think I'd feel hurt by his refusal . Hope the situation has a good outcome ,

fannyanna

epskie wrote: »

I'm not sure. Could you explain the difference please?

CSA1 is the original system that was in place. I don’t really know that much about this system but child maintenance is calculated on a number of factors which includes income, housing costs and even partners income (although only to assess how much the non-resident parent pays in housing costs).

From I think 2003 the system changed to CSA2. Maintenance is calculated on income. A non-resident parent will pay 15% of their net weekly income in maintenance. This amount is reduced slightly if they have the child for more than 52 nights per year or if there are other children in their household.

Roughly when did you start using the CSA?

Mrs.W_2

Has your ex been informing the CSA of any hikes in his pay scale over the years? Has he informed them of his latest child's arrival? Both of those events will change the amount of maintenance payable for your DS. If your DS is not spending 52 nights per year sleeping at your ex's house, that also changes things.

The Child Support board might be better suited to handle the technical aspects of your enquiry, Epskie. Link below.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=140

EDA: Getting an update on the correct amount of maitenance payable, especially since there is another child in his household, might allow both parties to feel on an even footing again.