Deleted

CDaniels1987

Post Deleted

melanzana

Not a nice scenario for anyone. But you hint some things there..

I'm a bit older than you so I can say things...

Get married together, alone. Enjoy that occasion, it is you two getting married right? Not all the family squabblers!

Then, when you have tied the knot, invite them all for a knees up somewhere, deed is done, to hell and back for them all, it is YOUR happiness that counts. or don't bother with anything, and have an amazing honeymoon somewhere exotic away from them all!

Seems to me that no matter what you do you will not please em..so..

Have the most AMAZING wedding with your beloved, and after that, well, they can fight all they like but it won't matter to you and OH. Happy days!

I am amazed sometimes at the stress folk put themselves through to make families happy, when the only ones who need to enjoy the marriage ceremony is YOU two.

Best of luck, I probably was no help, but what I said reflects my view.

GobbledyGook

I would do one of two things. Either go away and get married yourselves or write your family a letter each. I'd tell them that you are not asking much - just a few hours of civil behaviour, you do not expect them to have huge long conversations with each other or become the best of buddies, just be in the same room so that you can have all the people that you love with you on your big day. I'd make clear to them that you won't be picking and choosing between them because you know that you would give them a few hours if it was important regardless of who was, or wasn't, invited and hope that they'll do the same.

I would make small concessions though and wouldn't have a top table as that would be difficult to avoid conversation.

angelil

I'd say invite who you want. It's up to them if they choose not to come.

hcb42

Two choices really

Invite them all, including Dad's partner, he is still your Dad and these are the decisions he took, no matter how hurtful

run away and get married, or tell them you are going overseas and getting married, invite the immediate relatives if you want to. Or Dont.

PersonallyI would probably go overseas and not invite anyone, but that's me

KxMx

I might also have Dad/Brother issues in the future if I get married.

My plan is to tell both of them to put up and shut up, it will be MY day and not about them.

If my brother told me he would not come because of Dad I would be absolutely devastated and be telling him this, asking him why can't he man-up for the day and behave like a grown-up for my wedding.

I know what the issues are between him however I would be expecting them to be set aside for me, and they can go back to not seeing/speaking afterwards.

burnoutbabe

it would be very hurtful to your dad to not invite his partner. Especially as sounds like no one else will chat to him.

Just tell them all if they can't behave for a few ours, on your behalf, they are not the family you thought they were.

most families manage fine for a few hours of politeness.

melanzana

My friend went to Las Vegas, honestly, to the Little Wedding Chapel. No family or friends, stress free ( apart from the journey).

Lots of family stuff going on, so they had a party three weeks later, and guess what, none of the troublemakers attended although fully invited.

Weddings can be problematic, so make it for you.

You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself!

I know that is simplistic, but really, the fallout from DIY weddings has to be easier than everyone squabbling. It's your day,and the squabblers will move on to the next squabble, sure as eggs is eggs.