friend in trouble

lucyloo_123

Hi,

I'm a bit new to all this so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place! I was after some advice as to what to do with my friend. We have been friends for over 20 years. She was happily married with three children. however, the last child was conceived as a make up tool following lots of arguments (the youngest is now just one). She doesn't love her husband anymore and wants to split up, he doesn't want to. When she has tried to split up he forces her to stay (verbally never physically) she is now depressed and on antidepressants and receiving counselling. To top it all off she has a good relationship with her boss and is now sleeping with him.
I have told her she should come clean and make a fresh start on her own, spend some time just her and the kids and sort herself out, but she says she doesn't have the strength. I don't know what else I can do.

londonsurrey

She's an adult, free to make her own decisions.

She obviously does have some energy, if she's sleeping with the boss.
You've spelt out the options available to her, and she's choosing not to avail herself of them. There is nothing else you can do, except not play into any "poor her" sessions if she starts moaning about how she doesn't like things the way they are.

j.e.j.

lucyloo_123 wrote: »

Hi,

I'm a bit new to all this so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place! I was after some advice as to what to do with my friend. We have been friends for over 20 years. She was happily married with three children. however, the last child was conceived as a make up tool following lots of arguments (the youngest is now just one). She doesn't love her husband anymore and wants to split up, he doesn't want to. When she has tried to split up he forces her to stay (verbally never physically) she is now depressed and on antidepressants and receiving counselling. To top it all off she has a good relationship with her boss and is now sleeping with him.
I have told her she should come clean and make a fresh start on her own, spend some time just her and the kids and sort herself out, but she says she doesn't have the strength. I don't know what else I can do.

Oh dear. She seems to be going from one (self-inflicted) disaster to another. While you can support her as a friend, you can't jump in and make things better for her. I hope she sorts herself out soon.

BitterAndTwisted

You can't help her as she's not willing to do anything to help herself. I'd decline to have any more discussions with her about her situation as she's not ready to take any action and you can't do it for her.

podperson

How exactly does he 'force' her to stay verbally?? If he asks her not to go or gets upset then let's face it that's normal for a breakup and surely she needs to expect that and should be prepared beforehand to stand her ground on it.

Tbh it sounds like she's not particularly happy with him but doesn't want to have to manage on her own (I don't know her situation maybe she has worries about money, bills, childcare) so now she's decided to have her cake and eat it by having the husband at home for security but her boss for a bit of excitement on the side.

You've given her good advice on what she should do - but you can't force her to take it. As someone above mentions it sounds a bit like she's wanting someone to say 'oh poor you' when she's not willing to take any action to change the situation. If it was me I would be asking her not to discuss it with me anymore until she was willing to do something about it - or at least stop having an affair behind her husband's back.

geoffky

Is the boss married? because if he is then she will soon find out that she is surplus to requirements at work and in the home if hubby finds out..

pearl123

It's her life to make correct or incorrect choices!
I don't think OP you need to do anything. Maybe, just a listening ear if it ends in tears. But who's to say it will end unhappily.