CSA & priority

elly-spendaholic

Hi, I just wanted to post to say I know how you feel. My OH has 40% of his wage deducted from a DEO and has had for over a year. It really hurts knowing he is not left with anything to spend on our 2 children and its left up to me to provide for them on my wages as he can only afford CSA and his own debts and petrol for work (sometimes it feels like i'm a single mum!). I know my OH has been an idiot not paying for his other kids (all the arrears he accrued before we met)..the CSA have said he owes a total of £40,000..although cannot provide where on earth these figures have come from as he has always had low paid jobs, but will not budge on their decision. His kids are now 25 and 23 so I know for a fact that they will chase forever for their money.

I guess its just one of those things, we can't help who we fall in love with, and we accept their past lives etc, but I do feel that we have come out of it the worst. I'm just glad they haven't taken my wages into account or we would really be screwed!

Sending you hugs you aren't alone xx

princessdon

Do you work?

One thing I think is very unfair is that the PWC who recieves maintenance has this discounted for TC/Benefits etc yet the NRP can't deduct from their gross for TC. If this was the case OP would get more TC to at least go some way to help.

But as above - He made those children, he should pay.

clearingout

elly-spendaholic wrote: »

Hi, I just wanted to post to say I know how you feel. My OH has 40% of his wage deducted from a DEO and has had for over a year. It really hurts knowing he is not left with anything to spend on our 2 children and its left up to me to provide for them on my wages as he can only afford CSA and his own debts and petrol for work (sometimes it feels like i'm a single mum!). I know my OH has been an idiot not paying for his other kids (all the arrears he accrued before we met)..the CSA have said he owes a total of £40,000..although cannot provide where on earth these figures have come from as he has always had low paid jobs, but will not budge on their decision. His kids are now 25 and 23 so I know for a fact that they will chase forever for their money.

I guess its just one of those things, we can't help who we fall in love with, and we accept their past lives etc, but I do feel that we have come out of it the worst. I'm just glad they haven't taken my wages into account or we would really be screwed!

Sending you hugs you aren't alone xx

no disrespect intended and this is a genuine question: why on earth would you have children with a man who you know hadn't bothered to support the children he already had? do you feel any sense of insecurity or concern for your future? what if your relationship breaks down - are you going to be able to bring your children up financially on your own?

You joke about feeling like a single mum yet if your husband didn't pay for his children for years (and it must be years for it to have got to £40k), don't you think that is how his ex was left? why is it not OK for you but it is OK for his ex to have had to go through that?

elly-spendaholic

Hi, I respect your opinion clearingout, but I'm offering support to the original poster..I haven't disclosed all the ins and outs of our situation so don't see how you can judge. I know everyone has their own points of view, but as I said I'm just letting wantsalifenotdebt know she's not on her own. I am not moaning about the way we have to live, I married my OH over 10 years ago for better or worse, and accept that he has to pay his arrears. It is just sometimes hard to cope with and I empathise with anybody who is in this situation x

annie1975_2

Also because someones marriage broke up doesnt mean to say that person cant find happiness again,and have children with his/her new partner?..
At least he is working and contributing,theres a lot of people out there having kid,after kid after kid and have never worked and the tax payer has to keep them.

Good luck to wantsalifenodebt,hope things get sorted for you both.

FBaby

I do have sympathy to those who have accrued arrears through genuine reasons, but in the vast majority of cases, it would seem that the nrp ended up with arrears through not paying during a time of reassessment, and choosing not to put any money aside during the time the assessment is made.

Do nrpps think about the impact this might have had at the time of the pwc? Can't they see that they might themselves have found themselves really struggling then because they were not receiving any maintenance and therefore had to pay everything themselves? How is it any different?

Ok, it seems unfair when the pwc is on benefits and not supporting her children in the first place, but they are many pwcs who do work and struggle and heavily rely on the regular maintenance.

The key answer is: don't accrue arrears in the first place. If you receive a letter from the csa, don't ignore it, if your ex tells you she's gone to the csa and you've received nothing, don't burry your head under the sand, call yourself to sort it out. If you are being reassessed, don't spend the money that would have gone to the kids, put it aside until the reassessment comes through.

emsywoo123

FBaby wrote: »

Do nrpps think about the impact this might have had at the time of the pwc? Can't they see that they might themselves have found themselves really struggling then because they were not receiving any maintenance and therefore had to pay everything themselves? How is it any different?

This. Times 1000.

When NRP does not pay (or stops and starts as the fancy takes them) it can be phenomenally difficult.

Whatever "hold" new partners might think PWC have, they are so often at the ransom of the mood of the NRP at the time.

Vejovis

wantsalifenotdebt wrote: »

thank you Caz3121 I do understand, but its left us in a terrible state and i worried for us as a couple... people just dont see the whole story do they....and how damaging it is....

I understand he has paid some arrears, but we relocated in jan this year and it took him 8 weeks to find a job, we informed the CSA....... they could have been more sensitive to OUR needs too....

He walked away because she beat him up and threatened with a knife, hit him in the car while kids were in the back too, she is violent and greedy... I accept he should pay something just not the amount he pays, which was 285.00 every month, hes only comes out with £1100 a month.... its just so wrong.....

Why has he left the children with her then? What sort of man (or woman) walks out and leaves his children with a violent parent?