Preparedness for when

jk0

Yeah, I know, nothing to do with SHTF, but you lot are all a very sensible bunch whose opinions I value.

I have mentioned that my much younger gf lives in London. Tomorrow being Valentines day we planned to spend this afternoon together, and go to Sonning Mill for dinner & a show this evening. We were due to get there at 6pm.

Yesterday gf emailed to say she would be here at 4.30. 4.30 came & went. At 5pm, she rang to say she would see me at the the place. I arrived there at 6pm, had a lonely drink in the bar, and went in for dinner at 6.15.

No gf, so I went downstairs at 7, intending to go home, and found her queuing up for food. We went back up to the dining room, and I had a cup of tea while she ate. We then went and saw the play, and arrived back here around 11pm.

No nookie or night together either, as she said she had to pick up her mum in London from her night job.

I waited till we got back here before I told her that she came within a few inches of being dumped tonight. She gave me some nonsense about her meeting in Stratford not finishing until 3.45.

I still don't think it would take 3 hours to drive to Reading. I find it very frustrating waiting hours for my date to turn up. (GF has been late for every date, but tonight sitting alone among all those couples really took the biscuit.)

What do you think?

[Deleted User]

It doesn't matter what WE think JKO, it's what YOU think that counts. So difficult when things start to go awry in relationships and folks start to be hurt. Hope you can come to the decision that will be best for you both.

GreyQueen

jk0, I think a gentleman (or lady) of means with a much younger partner needs to be a touch cynical about their motivations. But I'm a pragmatist not a romantic, so please take that with a pinch of salt.

If nothing else, not calling you to advise delays (beggars belief that she couldn't call as I expect like most adults you each have a phone) is exceptionally rude.

thriftwizard

Hmm - yes, the least she could have done was stay in touch & let you know what was going on. Thoughtless, to say the least.

Nargleblast

Sorry to hear of your problem jko. Not knowing the lady or yourself personally we can't really comment, but it seems a bit discourteous at least that she didn't phone you when she arrived to say "I am here at last, whereabouts are you?" In fact from what you say there seems a distinct lack of courtesy and consideration from her quarter, and courtesy and consideration are a vital part of any relationship. She may have genuine reasons for her lateness etc, but no apologies or discussions forthcoming....the fact that you are considering ending the relationship tells me that this is just one of many contentious issues between you.

Whatever you decide, it is definitely time the two of you sat down and had an honest discussion about your relationship and whether you have a future together or not.

Good luck, mate!

Softstuff

Jko, my two cents, for what it's worth, is that she lacked even the common decency to let you know she'd be late. This to me shows a lack of care and concern. I'd say you deserve better treatment for that and if she doesn't understand that, she's a screw loose.

In other news, worth a read, I found it interesting and thought some of you might too:
https://medium.com/@bloonface/no-wonder-the-young-are-supporting-unapologetic-socialists-they-re-!!!!ed-6462bf22bede#.g7wogpamz

In oreer to view it, you have to uncensor the censored bit in the link, sure you can guess what the exclamation marks are.

COOLTRIKERCHICK

Jko..

Think you might have answered you own question in your post..by telling her you were thinking of ending it. Or did you say that because you felt awkward sitting there waiting for her??

Maybe deep down you know the answer, and maybe you want it confirmed by asking on here???

A relationship is based on alot more than nooky..as you know, its all about friendship and trust.
The ones based on total lust, tend to fizzle out and not last, as there is nothing there once that has gone.

pineapple

Softstuff wrote: »

Jko, my two cents, for what it's worth, is that she lacked even the common decency to let you know she'd be late.

But she did if you read what JKO said. She emailed then she rang.
What I find strange is that she didn't make contact when she arrived.
Plus it seems there were different expectations about the night to follow.
To me this has the hallmarks of a relationship going south.
Reminds me of my partner of 10 years. He used to bake me a heart shaped cake on Valentines Day. Then one year I got half a takeaway pizza Unbelievably I didn't see the writing on the wall even then.
I'm wondering if you know already JKO and are - as cooltrikerchick said - just seeking confirmation of your gut feeling?
I like the idea though of sitting down together and talking it through rather than making threats or flouncing out. Sometimes relationships just fizzle - through no fault of either party.

Softstuff

pineapple wrote: »

But she did if you read what JKO said. She emailed then she rang.

She emailed to say she'd be there at 4.30, which she wasn't. She rang to say she'd see him there, but then was late again. It's at that point she could have or should have contacted.

In any case, a moot point overall really.

moneyistooshorttomention

I'd tend to agree with "writing on the wall" type signs - as Pineapple said. Usually clearly distinct in hindsight I guess...

The "writing on the wall" sign in one relationship I was in was that he stopped automatically asking whether I wanted a pudding or no when he took me out for a meal. Now - sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't - but I guess he knew that I knew it is only polite to offer one.

The first time it happened - I thought "That's odd". The second time it happened I was still hungry and did want my pudding - so I decided to "run a test" on him (as well as make sure I got that pudding I was hungry for) and said that I was going to go to the bar of the pub we were in and order a pudding for myself and was polite enough to ask if he wanted one too. His reply was to accept my offer. That told me all I needed to know about whether the relationship had "gone off the boil" or no. I bought our two puddings and decided that test I'd run had been cheap at the price.

NB; It did go two ways - as I would frequently have him round for a meal and would cook something "special" each time I did. That was appropriate conduct for woman (me) and man (him) of my (late middle age) generation and with him duly earning noticeably more than me (as most of my boyfriends did).

I had come to know what he was like well enough by that point that I decided the "failing the test" was his way of setting me up to finish with him - as he was too weak to do so himself. I duly obliged - and did so.