Preparedness for when

GreyQueen

Frugalsod wrote: »

Considering the numbers of floods in your town I would not call those a SHTF event as they are too frequent. Though you are appropriately prepared for it. I hope the water company is being fined for all the disruptions they are causing.

It wasn't Tiddlumpty Water's fault for once, it was a fey manoever by a member of the public in their own home inside one of our blocks of flats. Resolution involved most of the housing dept, the surveyors, the plumbers. There will be some interesting insurance claims as a result. We customer services peeps got a grandstand view of the crisis.......

Tower blocks usually have one external stop tap which takes down the whole block's supply. Which, in this case, is what had to be turned off.

Karmacat

kittie wrote: »

It is nice to have a group of friends that don`t exhaust me and are here to talk to without wanting all the ins and outs

Absolutely. When RL people don't know what to say, they sometimes ask questions instead, it can be incredibly draining, even though meant for the best.

I am so shattered now, there is no break from talking and things to do. It is so so tiring, there is seemingly no end to paperwork and arrangements

Nargleblast called it a limbo time, and I agree, it is, and its filled with so much administrative rubbish you don't get any time for **you**.

Family are so supportive but how on earth can I say, please don`t come to stay yet another night and especially with a child. I haven`t had any space to myself yet, only at night in my bed and then I cannot sleep. Loving phone calls from lots of people and from abroad, how could I not talk to them when all I want to do is have some time to think

People from clubs, people from past work. village people, lots of family people and so on. Each one wants to talk. Lots and lots of them but only one of me

Thats draining too I have two suggestions that might help. The first is to simply say, thank you so much for being here, I need some quiet time right now, please carry on doing what you're doing. If thats too blunt, then tell them that because you can't sleep, you're going to try to take a nap, maybe early afternoon? That will keep it quiet for you, and they know their contribution is valued.

Thanks for being here in silence

I hope its okay to have made the above suggestions.

kittie wrote: »

Thank you, I can`t stop sobbin now. The first time. I am so wracked with it, my body is heaving

God help me, I hope it gets better

My heart goes out to you, kittie.

Nargleblast wrote: »

At least some tears have started flowing, there will be more I am sure, but all to the good. One step at a time, kittie, no matter how small.

Well said, Nargleblast.

ivyleaf

What lovely posts fuddle, Nargleblast and Karmacat.

Thinking of you so much kittie, and may you get some "me-time" today.

Your family love you enough to respect your needs and not be offended if you explain that you are so grateful for their loving support but just at the moment you really need a little bit of time to be on your own xx

thriftwizard

kittie wrote: »

It is nice to have a group of friends that don`t exhaust me and are here to talk to without wanting all the ins and outs

I am so shattered now, there is no break from talking and things to do. It is so so tiring, there is seemingly no end to paperwork and arrangements

Family are so supportive but how on earth can I say, please don`t come to stay yet another night and especially with a child. I haven`t had any space to myself yet, only at night in my bed and then I cannot sleep. Loving phone calls from lots of people and from abroad, how could I not talk to them when all I want to do is have some time to think

People from clubs, people from past work. village people, lots of family people and so on. Each one wants to talk. Lots and lots of them but only one of me

My children are shielding me as much as they can but there is helping and there is overhelping, they are all superb but one sonil, the best for organising stuff, is like an umbrella parent just now. I can`t say anything because they are all acting with so much love but I wish the chatter and talking noise would stop

The church and crem ceremonies are out of my hands, the crem is quieter and lovely, the church will be a celebration with the type of music he liked and the children like. The children are organising all of it, all I do is agree. I think I have to switch off from that, it will be lovely. I can`t help, my brain is addled. They need to do their bit, I know

Book on the way from amazon, something to help teach me how to be a widow. I`ll cope, once the whirlwind is over

Thanks for being here in silence

I think my mother would know exactly where you're coming from, Kittie. So far one or another of us has been with her for most of every day; last Monday was the first time I left her overnight, and she was wobbly but resolute. I've been a little more hands-off this week (apart from anything else, I have a small business to keep half an eye on) but she has very bravely gone off to my brother's for the weekend. It's a big house & he has all his kids & grandchildren staying. They are charming & delightful little scraps, and very well-behaved, and he thinks they'll help take her mind off things, but part of me thinks it may just be a little too much for her to cope with, so I'm leaving it very open-ended when I go up there to bring her home & can go at the drop of a hat. The car is fuelled up, tyre pressures checked and all arrangements have been left deliberately fluid.

She's leaving most of the funeral arrangements in our hands, but rings every now & then to suggest an idea - "but it's up to you, dear, of course!" - and it's like picking your way through a minefield, as "our" side are all professionals at this business & have very firm ideas of what it & isn't appropriate, but he was our step-siblings' parent when all's said & done, and their wishes & ideas need to be taken into account.

I've tried to be very conscious of all the noise & bustle, but I'm naturally quite an ebullient, chattery sort of person, and I've caught her looking at me wearily once or twice & promptly shut up. It's very hard, with an older person, to know when to leave well alone; although she's basically very fit & healthy for her age, she's utterly exhausted after two years of caring for him, and we're all worried that there will be some kind of physical reaction.

Wishing you some space & peace to come to terms with your loss, and thanking you for reminding me that I need to guard Mum's privacy for her to find that, too...

daz378

Thanks Frugal will bear it in mind for the future

Hollyberry

Delurking to say how sorry I am to hear the sad news from kittie and Twiglet. May the world be gentle with you both. Sending my best wishes to you.

kezlou

Kittie, slowly everything will get better, they will always be a niggly feeling. The first year is always the hardest, my mother died 12 years ago and we were absolutely devastated especially my step father.

But we made sure he was involved but it was do hard, he couldn't stand the hustle and bustle whilst the same time wanted the company especially off me.
He still misses her like crazy but now we can laugh and joke without tears.

Sounds silly but what I would do (and did) is make little trips to the garden immerse yourself in the calmness. I regularly did this when my father died when I was 7. It was an awful time and really hit my mother. We would sit in the garden with hot tea surrounded by icy grass and in silence enjoying the moment.

Maybe you could write a poem, or a piece of music to have played for you. As a more lasting reminder maybe you could pick a plant which represents him for in the garden.

Frugalsod

daz378 wrote: »

Thanks Frugal will bear it in mind for the future

Thanks. The only thing to remember is do everything far enough ahead and you get better prices no matter when you are going. Also do not stick with the conventional option, that is when they have you by the short and curlies. I love the idea of visiting places when everyone else is doing something else. Attractions will be emptier and quicker. Restaurants will have more options for a group of you. Just think of different and you will all save a fortune. There may have been others who did not relish the idea of spending £1300 for a week or so's holiday with friends.

tessasmum

Feeling for you, Kittie, at this time. I remember how overwhelmed I felt last July when my husband died, and the people just kept coming. I was so glad of a few hours just to be alone with my daughters [14 & 17 then] and not have to listen to other people. It sounds harsh, but we need time to come to terms with everything and to just think and be. Please don't be afraid of offending people and just taking some time for yourself whenever you need to. xxx

[Deleted User]

KITTIE I know it's very early days for you yet and you will be raw with shock, numb with pain and bewlidered and overwhealmed with your sense of loss. When I have felt like that in the past I have a memory of a place of absolute tranquility that I visited once with my daughter, it's a pure white sand beach on North Ronaldsay in the Orkneys and we sat one afternoon feet away from seals and sang to them and they sang back seal style to us. When the 'real' world becomes just too much and life becomes unbearable for whatever reason I find that memory and mentally go there for a few minutes, on my own, in peace and quiet and it's a soul saver my friend. If you have a place that has in the past touched your spirit and given you utter peace it might help to find it again in your memory and just 'go' there for a few minutes, on your own for peace and release. I find it helps me more than I can describe, it might help you too? I do hope so, thinking of you, Lyn xxx.