Preparedness for when

siegemode

I was a child of the 60s/70s and my mum who had started work in an office was enabled by her boss to continue working from home prior to and following my arrival. This worked well as dad worked shifts. I remember her working late evenings and from 5am at times to meet deadlines or put the extra hours in to earn the money for holidays or the things that dad wanted. Some weeks she was known to put in 72+ hours:eek: There we pros and cons to this and as kids we had a comfortable life and never knew hardship. I did however spend an awful amount of time with my grandparents especially after the arrival of my brother. It was Nan who taught me how to cook, sew, knit and read. Grandad taught me maths and all about the allotment and land. Every w/e till I was about 10 we went out to the coast or on picnics in the summer. They spent time that mum couldn't in my younger years. Dad was always tired, working or too busy.

I look back on my childhood and count myself incredibly lucky to have been given so much freedom, time and encouragement as I was growing up. I was disciplined and taught respect by both parents and grand parents, but I felt more loved and secure with my grandparents.

I guess what I want to say is it is the amount of Quality time you spend with children as they grow and learn that really matters. Being there is ok but unless you involve children in tasks and do things together then it matters not wether you are a SAHM or out at work. I've had good times with mum, but when I was young she was so busy, so my strongest memories and bonds were with my Nan and Granddad meaning we don't have a real close Mum and daughter relationship which is sad. I love her dearly but she just wasn't there as much as Nan.

craigywv

I myself was brought up in my fathers shop and my mum worked there so we had a room out the back for myself and brother and baby sister to go to tv,,cooker and heating. so I too was back in work with my boy after 4 days off lol I didn't mind and either did he, there was my mum,dad and cousins working there so he was constantly amused. shop was in center of town so he was known by all the shop owners I wouldn't have changed his upbringing for a moment, and when the time came for nursery that's where he went.i fully understand I was lucky and it must be so hard for people new mums having to hand baby over and go back to work when maternity is up. I salute you ! but its the times we live in. my mum told me when she had my brother 46 years ago she didn't LEAVE THE HOUSE with him for near 3 months aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah that would have drove me crazy but again its the sign of the times

elaine241

Hello All
Interesting discussion around childcare, thought I'd put my twopenneth in.
I was brought up by a SAHM who unfortunately was very ill with severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks. The thought of organising a party nearly killed her, although she did it and then suffered the consequences/migraine/nerves etc after. Unfortunately she had periods of greater mental illness and often threatened/attempted suicide. Besides this she managed to grow a huge garden of fruit and veg, buy whole pigs, lambs etc, bulk buy what she couldnt grow , bought reduced market produce etc and basically kept us living like lords. Dad had a good job but was often away, with mum ill and "escaping" to her garden we had a lot of freedom, probably too much, disappearing over the fields and woods for hours at a very young age.
My experience of childcare is very varied.
As a single self employed skint mum, paying exes debts/mortgage arrears etc, I had to go back to work almost immediately. Unfortunately an emergency c section didnt mean I could have time off! Paying nursery bills was very very difficult and I could only put my son in part time. He spent a lot of time in the shop with a playpen and high chair out the back and a baby gate across the shop door!! Not ideal but needs must! Unfortunately a (childless) busy body who ran the dress hire shop next door reported me to social services.:( Thankfully when they arrived they concluded that although unusual I was doing the best for my child given the resources I had. Eventually I gave up the business as I had become ill with stress and depression, ironically I was much better off on benefits and was given free child care to attend training courses I had always wanted to do!

Fast forward 10 years and I am with a wonderful supporting partner and mum to two more boys. The first time I was working full time and as my replacement couldnt start until the end of his contract I ended up working until I was technically 3 days overdue :eek:. I came back to part time work sharing the role with my "replacement". I then had son no.3 and continued to work 2 days a week. I agree with VJsmum I would have gone stir crazy stuck on a farm with a toddler and new baby and both born by section so no driving!
I found a wonderful nursery, totally flexible and both boys still go there after school when Im working. The nursery pick them up after school, even if they attend after school activities, feed them and then they have a wonderful room to play in or a paddock/play area if the weather is good! During holidays again flexible childcare is available when/if I need it.
Even though we dont need the money I enjoy going to work, earning my own money and interacting with people not associated with the farm or our groundwork business. My work is in a different sector and I am totally free to plan and undertake my work. This is going to sound weird but I find having to go to work two days ensures that I get on with things the other days. A structure when I know what I have to achieve means I dont procrastinate but write lists and get of my a*se!:)
This also means prepping gets done or is planned as I know I have to fit it into my schedule. This week I will inventory the freezers so that I know what I have.

I now have more than enough to do at home with veg patch, foraging, looking after the sheep/horses/hens/ducks etc I would love to be a SAHM but I know I need the part time work to keep me structured. I would probably live an idillic life pottering for Wales but actually get less done than when I am working and having to plan my time efficiently.

Anyway I have rambled on again! just saying I can understand most points of view expressed on here.

It all depends on your personal circumstances at this particular point in your life, as my experiences show it can and does easily change! for better or worse!! :rotfl:

GreyQueen

Karmacat wrote: »

Absolutely, Mrs LW - drives me crazy that people get away with stealing from lotties

GQ, thanks for the tip on what we need *now* - I've just not done much before, though I keep wanting to, and I was looking at onion sets in our Poundland yesterday - I do worry about planting them out in clay soil in this weather, but then I have a couple of those bag things that you plant potatoes in, and it will get as high as you like... must do more!

Although the onion sets are out now, and I bought mine in the first week of January, they won't need planting for another 6-8 weeks or so. Just buy them to make sure you have them and don't find that when you're ready to sow that there are none available.

I once attended a talk given by Bob Flowerdew and one of the audience asked if you could plant parnsips in February? Mr F said you could. They wouldn't grow, but you could plant them if you liked.:D

The danger with having seeds, or onion bulbs, sitting in cold soil is that they may rot rather than just sit there waiting until the soil temp is high enough for them to grow. One way around this, rather than obsessing about calendar dates, is to watch for the point when annual weed seeds start coming up like cress on your cleared soil.

This means that the temp in the soil is high enough for germination and is a good time to plant your veggies. Most of us aren't in the same parts of the country, and even within areas, there are microclimates, so trying to plant by the calendar isn't helpful.

I always roll about laughing when archaeologists say things like standing stones were there to 'tell' ancient peoples when to sow or harvest. Bliddy hell they were; they'd've sown when the weather was ready and would have harvested when the crops were done, same as gardeners do now. I suspect these lithic calendars were for scheduling whatever was the ancient eqivalent of a rave.

Party on, and remember (as per Hitchhiker's Guide) that the secret is to bang the rocks together.

MrsLW, yes, I do have concerns about possible theft. We have had it; strawbs and tatties but not me personally affected. Yet. If people pass remarks from the footpath, I always discreetly imply that the potatoes won't be ready for weeks and then slyly dig them up and bring them down to the bike shed in the block. I'm also careful that yummy things like straws lurk behind more prosaic things like broad beans. Or chard.

Nobody knows what the heck chard is or what to do with it.:rotfl:

Ultimately, stuff on the lottie is at risk of theft but I don't have a garden or even a balcony so my choices are risk it or don't have a lottie, so I'll have to take my chances. Crazy thing is, most lottie owners would probably share the harvest if someone offered to share the work of weeding and watering, but villians don't seem to want to work like that; want the goods without the effort.

VJsMum, what a relief that even a parent can find babies boring. They bore me witless although once ambulatory small children they can be quite cute. On balance, I'd rather cuddle a kitten than a baby as kittens are less likely to piddle on you. Plus they have fur.......babies are bald and have poor conversational skills, has anyone else noticed this?

Frugalsod

Cheapskate wrote: »

GQ, thanks for the spud and onion sources, will investigate this week. "Hard working families" is shorthand for hubbie and wifey both having to work to make ends meet, and having latch key kids or sending them to some sort of childcare. As I don't work outside the home for filthy lucre at the mo, being a stay at home mum, my contribution (attempting to raise decent kids, cook properly, make do and mend, etc.) isn't counted economically, therefore I presume I'm a lazy mare! :rotfl:

A xo

Far from it. While you are not adding to GDP because you are not working and might even be detracting from GDP because you are not employing a child minder it does show the problems in national accounting.

In some ways you are educating your children to be more self sufficient and getting them better prepared for the world in terms of being able to cook and not dependant on ready meals. So health wise you could be also saving the NHS a fortune as well.

maryb

Deja vu all over again

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/economics/10614867/US-could-start-defaulting-on-debt-very-soon-warns-Lew.html

siegemode

GreyQueen wrote: »

what a relief that even a parent can find babies boring. They bore me witless although once ambulatory small children they can be quite cute. On balance, I'd rather cuddle a kitten than a baby as kittens are less likely to piddle on you. Plus they have fur.......babies are bald and have poor conversational skills, has anyone else noticed this?

Same here, When I explain to peeps I just don't do babies they are totally shocked and see it as their purpose to persuade me how wonderful and fulfilling they are (until I suggest to them that perhaps it is because I can't, at which point they shut up and I get a word in to explain I just don't want them). Like it's my purpose on this planet to conform and procreate because that's what women should do:eek: Well thankfully I'm of an age where those conversations/lectures have dwindled. I would not have travelled and enjoyed past lives on motorbikes and going to rock concerts and festivals if I had conformed. The freedoms I would have lost:eek: Not to mention the cost and stress that parents endure. I admire those that embrace motherhood and cope and juggle so much, but have never regretted my decision to take a different path. As time passes I am more than a little relieved that I have no children to think off and be responsible for. Being an occasional auntie type is quite enough thank you:D and generally more fun until they become corrupted by consumerism and school:(

auntymabel

Just de-lurking to remind you that it's a truth universally acknowledged that mothers are always in the wrong.

maryb

I love the small baby stage but I often wanted a fast forward button for the toddler stage!

SpecialBrew_2

maryb wrote: »

I love the small baby stage but I often wanted a fast forward button for the toddler stage!

I don't think I wanted a fast-forward button much, but there were many times when I wouldn't have minded a mute button or even just a volume control