Ten ways not to run an Ebay account

Dexters_Indignation

Ten ways not to run an Ebay account

Found one night when hunting the net at 4am

Rule #10 - Don't package well

Lets face it, everyone hates spending fifteen minutes doing a job right when five minutes doing the job wrong will gain you plenty of frustrated, angry customers!

a. Use the wrong box size. Put your item in a box that is barely larger than the item or put it in a very large and don't use enough padding. Either way, if there is space for the item to move it will arrive broken.

b. Don't give the delicate parts of an item increased protection. For electronics, this means plastic bezels, hinges on firewalls, front display panels, etc.

c. Use single weight cardboard when double weight is really necessary. Heavy items need heavy weight cardboard.

Rule #9 - Sell dead items "as is", "untested"

Heck, you paid good money for that item. You were shocked to find out that you were had when you tested it. Why not sell it the same way it arrived to you?

a. State: "came from working environment" but that it is sold "as is", "no warranty". That will guarantee everyone will bid thinking it works.

b. As a Cisco network reseller, simply state "we have no ability to test this Cisco item".

Rule #8 - Don't answer complaint email

You've had a tough day and the last thing we need to deal with a complaint. Besides, if you don't respond to that email, chances are that the buyer will go away. Or even better, don't bother answering email.

Everyone knows that one of the great reasons why eBay is so difficult is that people ask questions. Solve the problem by not answering. Saves time!

Rule #7 - Ship without a packaging slip

Why tell the buyer who is shipping the item? Heck, that is what they would be expecting. Instead, ship from a mystery location without a tracking number.

Rule #6 - Ship through the US Post office

UPS, DHL, Fedex and most other major carriers will get a signature upon delivery. The Postman will walk right up to you, scan a package saying it is delivered and not bother with a signature. The postman can - possibly - deliver the item to his friend Bob or his car trunk and then mark the item delivered. There is no signature guarantee for 90% of the items delivered through the USPS. To quote a Postman we recently asked, "that is an extra cost!"

Lets see...use a bad box, do not include a packaging slip and ship through the USPS! Guaranteed formula for failure!

Rule #5 - Don't send a tracking number

Why give your buyers a way to track the progress of your shipment? Heck, they don't deserve it. Shroud your shipment in mystery! They will appreciate it far more getting it when they least expect it. Better yet, ship via the US Post office as their tracking numbers do not show progress. Their tracking numbers simply show "delivered" wherever the Postman decided to deliver it.

Rule #4 - Sell Counterfeit items

Be unknowledgeable of what is real and fake for the items you are selling. "They don't make counterfeits of the item I am selling." Better, know that it is counterfeit and use stock or company photos of the real item on your sales page.

The less you can claim to know in the listing, the better off you will be when someone points out that selling counterfeit is against the law.

Rule #3 - Take only paper payments - money orders, checks, etc.

Lets face it, electronic payments are danagerous and Paypal, while successfully managing billions of payments each day, is the enemy of the old traditional piece of paper check. The person can't "charge you back" for sending them the wrong item, dead item or bad item. You hold the upper ground.

Besides, everyone loves going to the post office to mail you the check.

Rule #2 - Don't ship the item even though you've been paid

You will ship it eventually. I mean, the buyer got a steal on the auction. You thought the item was worth $100 and the buyer won it at auction for $15. They probably did not need it anyway.

To really have fun with the buyer, wait til the buyer complains and then ship it via the US Post Office so that the postman can deliver it wherever he feels like delivering it.

and Rule #1 - Leave your buyer a negative if they complain about your incompetence

Ah, now that you have packaged poorly, sold counterfeit, took a check payment, and shipped late, you now have the ability to leave the buyer a negative if they complain or leave you a negative. Remember to also threaten a lawsuit in small claims court if they file a paypal claim against you!

cardinalbiggles

Dexters_Indignation wrote: »

and Rule #1 - Leave your buyer a negative if they complain about your incompetence

Its been a long long time since you were able to leave buyers negative feedback, years in fact...

marking_bad

Thanks for the C+P of an out of date, US written article.

Dexters_Indignation

I found it funny none the less.

Crowqueen

Quite a lot of it is fine in translation. Although American buyers must be fonder of tracked items than we are, or have easier/more economical ways of having it.

Yes, the bit about negs is out of date, but most of it isn't.

:T.