make do and mend for tougher times

fuddle

Not OS but getting my anger off my chest.

We've been out the front gardening, as you know, this morning. Kids are being archaeologists and digging for finds with sticks. Normally I don't like them playing out the front but didn't want to spoil their fun. So I tied the garden gate up so they couldn't open it to make sure they didn't get out on the road.

I'm stood at the window watching them, while ironing. I see some of those chuggers walking the street, clip boards in hand and I thought, they won't come in here, they can see the girls playing and the gate tied up. Went to make a cuppa, walks back through, nearly pooped my pants at the gate wide open! I rushed to the door where two men are stood next to my kids!

I lost it. Little quiet me lost it big style, part for letting my kids playing out the front, part for taking my eyes off them to make a cuppa and part for their own selfishness of making money, not even thinking about my kids' safety. They got a good mouthful from me, I really was shouting like a banshee. Never mind. I am angry at them but I'm cross at myself. I now have two kids crying upstairs because I've spoilt their fun. I don't know what to do. Are my anxiety tablets calming me down to let the girls do abnormally dangerous stuff or is it ok for them to play out in their garden with the gate tied up when I'm mostly watching but not exclusively. I'm very confused. I don't kno what is normal. They are 4 on Sat and 8 next month.

mardatha

TY re pastry, I will cook it in two bits and keep one in fridge and use it within a week.
Fuddle if these people had kids of their own -or any sense- they would've left you and gone next door - they should know why the gate is tied shut, I'd have given a piece of my mind too. I very very rarely do it, have to be seriously angry, but it doesnt half make you feel better to have the occasional eruption And they wouldn't bloody well come back in a hurry either!

Mrs_Chip

Fuddle - I know you have issues around your kid's safety so it is understandable that you reacted that way. When I was a child my brother and I played in the close no problem, but times are different now.

I think they should be able to play in your front garden, perhaps you can find a way to lock the gate? A cheap bike chain clipped through would stop anyone coming/out in whilst you have half an eye on them.

I know that the more you reinforce your fears the worse they get so perhaps if you can manage the situation rather than deciding not to let them play there you will gradually chip away at your fears and find a solution that is more based on the actual not perceived risk.

Anyhoo, they deserved a good telling off for opening that gate!

jpscloud

Oh fuddle c'mere and have a big squeeze. You did nothing wrong at all. You did the right thing letting the girls have fun, it wasn't your fault the idiot undid your gate. It is also right to be angry that he undid it.

The girls will calm down, and young as they are they will understand if you tell them that you were upset because the gate was open and that was not safe for your family.

Take a deep breath, have a cuppa and let the anger and upset drain away. You are right to be angry, but don't let it spoil your day any further. Think of something you can do with the girls now to make them happy - could you have that bindweed competition that (was it Mrs Chip) suggested or make cup cakes or something?

Possession

Fuddle you didn't do anything wrong, you took precautions. I thought they had stopped these chuggers coming now? Sure I read something about it, maybe stopping them at a future date.
I have no fence at the front, they aren't allowed on our estate so nobody has them. It's a cul-de-sac, so not a busy road, but still cars can some past quite fast and we are just on the bend so in a car you can't really see what's ahead. I have let mine play out the front but they aren't allowed to go on the road so there's not much to do out there. Since DS will be in Yr 6 in september, I've started thinking the opposite - he needs to be doing things independently to get him ready for secondary school. Problem is, he''s worse than DD (7) for road sense etc, he's in his own little world and I just can't trust him to cross a road safely but I will have to.

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE - well done for seeing the chuggers off, how dare they untie the gate? Surely it doesn't take brain of britain to work out that the gate was tied for the childrens safety. You are very very right to have shouted, if that had been me they would have all my guns blazing. Do you know which charity they were from? If so I think a very good thing to do would be put in a strong complaint to head office and suggest that if this is thier practice when canvassing they amend it before someone gets hurt!!!!! You did everything humanly possible to let the girls have fun in a safe environment whilst being supervised, don't feel you have any reason to chastise yourself for allowing them a little leeway. Oh I'm so very angry on your behalf - lots of virtual hugs and calmness coming your way!!!!!!! Have at least two cups of tea and when the girls have calmed down explain you aren't cross with them but were anxious because the strangers had come into the garden to talk to them without Mummy being there to make it safe. They will understand it wasn't their fault. Keep calm little one but you are justified in your anger. Love Lyn xxx.

fuddle

Your right about reinforcing fears, I do it all the time and have to stop it. They are out again. I have tied the gate up again and also moved all the bins up to there to prevent anyone actually getting in. I like the bike lock idea.

Does bindweed dry? I mean, I was thinking of cutting some willow down and looping it into wreath shape. Would the bindweed wrap round it at all? The kids would love that and might make me mam of the year again :rotfl: cuppa and some dunking biscuit action been had

Mrs_Chip

I think bindweed might just shrivel up . But shrivelled bindweed is dead bindweed

[Deleted User]

Bindweed just withers away to a thread, if you want to make a willow wreath, find some 'Old Mans Beard', that will wrap round the willow and dry nicely. Its better if you leave until you get the fluffy seedheads in the autumn, they will keep until next summer. Cheers Lyn xx - Hope you are OK now , and feeling calmer, Me x.

[Deleted User]

fuddle you did the right thing, I would have gone ballistic as well. The upside is that your children will be cautious if a stranger approaches in the front garden, they will have felt your fear and anger and that is no bad thing. They have to develop an instinct against potential preditors. If the weather is nice then you could re-tie the gate and have a little dolls tea party in the front. Then find a chain with a padlock and use it, just tell the children not to go near the gate at all

Three times in the 70s, my children were `watched` at three different times by different man in different places and three times I told the police, who took me seriously. I made darn sure that the children were well aware of `stranger danger` so fuddle your mothering protective instincts came out and came out fast, which was just the right reaction

Bindweed is a booger but I just keep pulling and pulling and keep on top of it that way, it does works in the short term

I did some wheeling and dealing today, first time in weeks. I look after dh`s pension pot and cash in there earns ziltch. Yesterday I acted quickly after hearing about standard chartered bank on the news and spent the cash on stan`s shares, then today I sold them and added to the cash pot. I got on a roll and am twitchy about financial and media, so I sold barclays and bskyb, both at profit. I then bought, marks, greggs and morgan sindall.. Lol, that is my other hat