make do and mend for tougher times

shegar

Molly41 wrote: »

I remember reading about that last year and feeling for you. I know that Shegar is also in the situation atm too. Your support is so appreciated and I feel calmer tonight but am still shell shocked to say the least.

I wrote to JC to say I want to appeal their decision to get my hubby into a work related group, im waiting to hear from them.........

Poor man can only do 2 things in life and thats go to the loo, and eat food that ive cut up for him, physically and mentally the stroke has done him in, but I wont get too worried about it cos I wrote to them and told them that they need to see him to judge him and not just pen push...They havent got a clue who can and who cant work, theyve got the government breathing down their necks to get people back into work, which I do totally understand that they do have to make savings on benefits and stop this sick note culture, but id rather hubby have a medical then that way they will leave us alone,I cant show him any benefit letters we get as he cant handle all the worry...........Our doctor said a few back he will write to them, so we will wait and see what the next step is.........

But I do wonder how some benefit claimants are still able to carry on as normal and dont seem to get called in for medicals, Ive seen a few people I know and theyve never worked but seem to be fairly well walking about and riding bikes into town..!!....How do they escape the system?.......Answers on a postcard please..........

Hubbies in respite this week so ive been doing extra work in and outside, plus got grandson Lewis here , hub cant handle children so I try and fit lewis to come here when hubs in respite, feel as though im torn between two generations , but I dont want to miss out on the grand children growing up...........

GreyQueen

smileyt wrote: »

Can I ask a question of you all? Do I seem immature to you? I found out yesterday that someone I thought was several years older than me is actually younger - this person is very calm and collected and together, and always beautifully turned out. It made me reflect on myself and I've come out of the comparison badly. I have none of the trappings of an adult in this society - no house (well, rented, for which I'm grateful), no car, don't drive, no career, no pension, I'm as unsophisticated as it's possible to be because I am always out with dogs or on my bike or whatever, and I'm not even adult-sized and still get patted on the head by random strangers and bouncers in pub doorways! I have to buy children's shoes (only good thing is lack of VAT). This other person is not nasty and materialistic, by the way - she's a lovely person. I just feel very gauche and immature and wonder if that's how I come across?

I guess the good thing is that I know my friends are my friends because they're friends .... no-one would ever hang around with me for what I could get them ......

Hun, you seem just fine and normal to me, although some might query my judgement....................:p The flip side of being petite is being a head taller than all your peers growing up and being expected to act older than your chronological age. I was a very sober child. A madcap pal in her sixties has a mantra; "It's never too late to have a happy childhood!" Last time I saw her in the newspaper she had fairy wings on.

My next big birthday is my 50th and even as I type that, it's a case of !!!!!!? Can't be possible! I feel about 20 inside most days although the knees creak a bit.

I'm still waiting to grow up and know what the heck I'm supposed to be doing here. When I was an uncertain teen, I imagined that by 20 you had it together. That birthday came and went. So was it 25? Or 30? Nope. Still here, still me, slightly-cracked and enjoying myself. Still waiting to feel grown up. Still not there yet.

For my 40th I went to the pub with a few pals and played pool. Very badly. I always play badly. It was a hoot. No midlife crisis has appeared yet. Still don't feel grown up, guess I will probably be some old bat in a nursing home one day cackling evilly and amusing the attendants with wild tales of the 1980s.

I have a home which I rent, a driving license but no car, several bank accounts with burger-all in them, a small group of good friends and a wider group of good acquaintances. I have some smart clothes, know how to behave in civil society, but it's not really me. Far happier scruffing around in old clothes on the lottie, stopped dead in my tracks with the fascination of watching a bumble bee having a wash and brush up or a hairy caterpillar perambulate across a leaf.

Do your own thing and let the adults get on with theirs. We're all naked under our clothes, we came into this world scarlet and screaming with indignation and we'll exit someday with no toys and only a lifetime of experiences. All we have is there here-and-now so we might as well do what we like..............:rotfl:

Speaking of which, I'm intending to shirk the dishwashing and have a baby beer (25 cl). Because I can.

ETA Heard something somewhere; Inside every old person is a very-surprised young person!

Popperwell

elona wrote: »

smiley

You don't come across as immature or naive or whatever the best word is for what you fear.

How come all the nicest, kindest and most thoughtful people are the ones who worry about falling short in some way? Ooops think answered my own question!!!

I'm biased but I think you have something there. We also seem to have the most worries about what's happening.

Guess what! You know those brown envelopes...yep, I got one today asking questions to see if I am still entitled to Income Support and you are always frightened you'll put your foot in it trying to prove you spend what you get but often you try not to spend everything so there is something for emergencies, repairs, replacing things, treats maybe you should just spend more and not be so frugal. Especially when you know in the not too distant future it will become more difficult. Live for the day...

If I thought I could stay put I could buy new carpets and mattresses for starters. And I have been buying more food and items for the house but you can only buy so much and then what do you do?

I hate it when the form says on the top of it, the benefit integrity centre...

They want the form sent back quite soon approx 12 days...So I think I better have another trip to the CAB and see if I can been seen on Tuesday to see if I have filled it in correctly or they have any tips...

Pooky

Smiley - I'm 39 have two kids, one failed marriage, one current and very happy marriage. I don't drive and I don't have a career and every single day I wonder when I get to be the grown up that I'm sure I'm supposed to be. It's a fleeting wonder normally punctuated by a kitten doing something that makes me go "awwwww"

But I love it, I love the way I can switch between being the Mum who was this evening with DD2 (aged 14) having a real splashy water fight in the pool and the Mum that could chat openly and honestly with DD1 (aged 16) about her friend, who is 15 and gave birth this morning.

For those of my friends that think a career and a car are essential for a grown up life haven't lived a day of mine. I love my life, I don't give a flying monkies bottom what people think of me anymore.....I just know tht on some level, they're all jealous

Popperwell

So much truth and sense being said.

Getting that form has ruined my weekend and my apetite has disappeared...Oh well, it has to be done...and then we'll see what comes back from them good or bad.

I did fill one in some years ago and nothing changed so I hope that remains the same for now...not oganised so I cannot see the previous document I sent in, I hope I give the same answers:p

I have photocopies of the forms I fill in for DLA so can always recheck matters regarding that but as that is being scrapped next year and replaced, also everyone is being assessed that would be relevent anyone.

Come to that matter income support is being scrapped...and I have to give details about DLA on this form...

Molly41

Showering leaves me exhausted so I wash everyday and shower twice a week. I dont sweat though as I am always cold so that might well be it is not a problem for me. My kids never had daily baths as kids - they had a wash. Now they are in the shower twice a day:eek:

Popperwell - try not to stress about the envelope and it's contents.

fuddle

Popperwell wrote: »

I'm biased but I think you have something there. We also seem to have the most worries about what's happening.

Guess what! You know those brown envelopes...yep, I got one today asking questions to see if I am still entitled to Income Support and you are always frightened you'll put your foot in it trying to prove you spend what you get but often you try not to spend everything so there is something for emergencies, repairs, replacing things, treats maybe you should just spend more and not be so frugal. Especially when you know in the not too distant future it will become more difficult. Live for the day...

If I thought I could stay put I could buy new carpets and mattresses for starters. And I have been buying more food and items for the house but you can only buy so much and then what do you do?

I hate it when the form says on the top of it, the benefit integrity centre...

They want the form sent back quite soon approx 12 days...So I think I better have another trip to the CAB and see if I can been seen on Tuesday to see if I have filled it in correctly or they have any tips...

I read the PM and came straight on the thread. Damn pops. Good that you're getting help with that form. Don't cut yourself short. When I had to fill out my expenditure forms for the bankruptcy (to see if we had disposable income that we could pay some money back, or at least pay the insolvency service for their trouble, we didn't) I worried that on one hand I would underestimate and make our finances even worse but on the other hand I didn't want to be too greedy with what we were allowed.

Price up what meat, veg, fruit and dairy and carbs costs for a single person for the month. That is your true amount, not packet mash, tin peas and smart price sausages ok. A proper diet at a cost that is reasonable. Whether you shop frugally or in bulk to save money doesn't at all matter. Whether you choose to sit with 5 jumpers on and not put the heating on, doesn't matter. What your heating costs to have it on is what matters. True costs that every one has to endure. OS is not at ll relevant.

Gawd I'm being bossy to my elders Been there, kind of any way.

Shropshirelass

On washing - when I was working as a nurse a 'few' years ago, we were asked to try out the latest thing from America on patients. It was a packet of ten wipes, tobe used in a set order, start with face and neck, then under arms, under breasts, you get the idea all the way down to feet. We decided they had been developed for journeys in space. They did the trick, and were popular with patients, until the samples ran out, and replacements were too expensive of course.

Soap and water also good, face cloths go into washing machine. Bathing too often removes all natural oils from your skin, then you just have to moisturise.

In our house, it takes ages for kitchen water to warm up (it runs round all the pipes in the house first). I often fill a bucket with cold water before it gets hot enough for washing up. Use it for watering the garden, or flush the loo. Hate wasting anything.

Fuddle you're a STAR.

prepareathome

I am wondering if I have brought to the attention of my HA that hubby and I are over occupying as today threatened them with legal action over repairs they have not done - tried to be patient, been waiting 5 years for a new front door that government gave them the money to give me under the improvements programme ( council couldn't afford to do it so government said if they transfer housing stock to a HA they would supply the money) and have been fobbed off over and over.

They ran out of money when they came to my door after doing windows and back door and next payment was to come in three months and door supposed to be done then and they forgot. They tried to get round it by saying I had signed a form saying I didn't want a door, but as no form could be found they had to agreed I did not do so. So for 5 years we have gone round in circles - them saying the money was spent elsewhere and so surveyor will have to say if I need a new front door ( original door from when house was built in 1930 not made to keep out draughts or even be that secure, more something just to shut to keep children in) so out comes surveyor who agrees door needs replacing and until its made will send carpenter who will make it safe - who comes and falls about laughing as only thing holding it in place is the paint and goes away. Then nothing happens till I phone again and so we start again.

That isn't what broke the camels back as they say, it was kitchen unit - in March found under sink cupboard was flooded so yes they were out within a day and I was told they had found just after they put the units in a seal was faulty in draining board and they were supposed to come and change them, but they only did the north of the city, they didn't bother with us as we are only 141 properties and many of them sheltered accommodation, so we are not important. Whole cupboard was found to be damaged as water had been seeping into the wood for nearly 5 years and so I was promised a new unit. Called a few times and told they have to have it built and so will take a few months. Then today open right hand door and it falls off and point of door hits my left foot ( door still attached to bottom hinge but top one slipped out of the rotten wood). I yell and blood starts pouring. Clean up the mess but cannot move last two toes at all. So taxi to walk in centre who sends me onto hospital for x-rays. Door- which is really heavy as full of water - has broken some bones in centre of foot and they think damaged a nerve or two but they will wait till swelling goes down to see. Can walk just no feeling on outside or last two toes which still will not move but throbbing in part of middle of foot

So when I got home phone HA again and got the usual surveyor story and told they cannot come and even take door off till next Wednesday - the bottom hinge has got stuck and will not come off unless I pull it from the wood, which would be easy to do, but I do not want to give them any reason to say I have damaged their fixture and fittings.

So I phoned Shelter to see if they could give me advice and they felt using the Community Legal Advice is way to go as I have already gone down the whole HA complaints process and never received as much as an email never mind a letter ( and I sent everything recorded delivery so I know they got them). So they asked our income and said we should be entitled to LA ( I thought you only got that now for criminal cases) so past my name to them.

They called back within half an hour and will be sending me all the relevant forms and explained what they will do - first a letter reminding them of the relevant parts of the Housing Act 2004 , girl said there were two parts that could be used. The fact they should ensure all properties are secure and the fact that all properties should be assessed not to have hazards is I think how she put it and the fact they knew about the weak seal causing the leak for nearly 5 years and never came and changed it, knowing water was leaking all that time causing sink unit to eventually become a danger and now leaving me with a heavy door half hanging off.

After doing this I again filled in the complaints form on the HA website and included what had happened at hospital and what woman at CLA said. Received first the usual automated reply but then at 5.30pm I received an email from a human being saying Project Manager will be in touch sometime next week - that's more than I have had in these 5 years.

Snag of course is I was hoping to keep my head down, pay my rent ( not claim the HB we could claim) keep in credit and hope they would not notice me for a bit when they start being squeezed to empty over occupied homes and this is going to bring us to their attention.

I couldn't leave it, also the door from side of house into my garden is falling to bits and so makes garden insecure and again been getting the run around on that since last November. So I have just had enough. If I continue to leave it might end up with so many repairs that they use that as an excuse to move us out. So annoying if I lived where they have their main stock of 20,000 properties in the north of the city they would be out to fix everything in a heart beat as they keep those homes perfect to keep winning awards showing what wonderful landlords they are - they win an award every month or so, we all get letters to tell us, but all for things they have done in the north never my area ever.

A friend I have in the north is fed up with them offering to upgrade her heating, windows ( she now has triple glazing) kitchen ( she has had two in 5 years), gardens done, walls built all round and she has a guarantee all repairs will be dealt within 1 working day and her rent is less than mine and I cannot get a secure front door never mind anything else.

Yes I am feeling rather hard done to.......if foot was to stop aching I could forget.

Got blight alert email for my area and all areas around, today - got ones for areas around over past week - so was hoping to go out and dig up my last potatoes but foot to sore and stress has brought on flare all over:mad: and today has actually been dry instead of the rain that was forecast, even sun late this afternoon.

smileyt_2

Thank you so much for your support today, everyone. I was going to multi-quote but there were so many lovely replies I think it would have exploded! Deep down, of course I know what is important in life. Really I don't care about the 'trappings' themselves, it's what they signify, and when I have one of these PMS moments everything gets twisted inside my head and I really believe I have nothing to offer anyone. Even at my best I sometimes wonder why my friends bother with me, but they do bother so I must be doing something right. Anyway, someone I know has recommended a natural progesterone cream to me, so I have ordered some. I know if I go to the docs they will just want to stuff me full of synthetic hormones. These haven't worked in the past so there's no reason to believe they'll work now. I'll use it for two or three months and then confess to my GP. I can't go on like this, it de-rails my entire life for a week every month. I could cope with the physical side but the mental and emotional 'downs' are excruciating.

Anyway, I'm a lot calmer now, although still a bit wobbly. At least I have stopped crying!

You are all wonderful. It's also comforting to know that so many of you don't feel grown-up .....

Pops please try to eat something, even if only a little. Not eating will make your worry about the brown envelope feel worse.

Shegar, you are an inspiration. I'm pretty sure you can claim some help with travel costs if you have to attend a tribunal so don't forget that.

Westcoastscot, most definitely contact your MSP. Do they think that people living in rural areas don't have family or friends overseas?!

Well, I'm going to go to my neighbour's for a cup of tea. She will shout at me because I was supposed to be going out tonight, but I really can't face a big group of people who I hardly know. There'll be another time when I'm feeling more like my chipper self.