make do and mend for tougher times

Byatt

Meme, thanks for asking after me, I'm fine, busy decluttering and dealing with things around that, plus the weather has been so great have spent lots of time in the garden and it's beginning to take shape after over 2 years. I have a sparrow feeding at my bird feeders, so I'm delighted!

xxxxx

edit, Smiley, there's a comp for the messiest pet see this link https://www.facebook.com/hills4pets?utm_source=cheetahmail&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_content=PKActivationJuly2012en-GBen-IE&utm_campaign=PKActivationApril2012

Pips_Mum

Hello everyone!

Playing out would not be possible in our street, very busy road and lots of very undesirable characters live a couple of streets down. We are quite near to a large park but I would never feel happy letting Pip go there on his own when hes bigger. A nice cul-de-sac is definately one of the things on my wishlist for whenever we can move (laughs hysterically at the thought that we would EVER be able to afford to move!) so Pip and Pea would be able to play with friends on bikes and stuff safely.

I got a letter telling me we will be getting £176 WTC/ CTC a month, sad to say I am so wary of it. I just worry so much that they will turn round at a later point and say it was wrong and I will have to try and pay it back. It says its based on OH working 37 hours and me working none but of course he isn't working at the minute either, don't want to rattle the hornets nest though incase they put it up again and I end up having to pay even more back!

They also automatically sent 2 NHS exemption cards, OH and I are both currently exempt anyway as he has Epilepsy and obviously I have the maternity, thought it was quite good of them to send them though.

Had a nice chat with the play leader at our surestart centre today when I took Pip for stay and play. She asked me how we were managing and had I booked Pip into any extra sessions over the Summer whilst his nursery isn't free, I said I had but didn't like to take up too many activities as it would take spaces away from people who really needed them and she said "but YOU really need them at the minute". She said I shouldn't feel guilty about accepting help whilst I needed it, but of course I do!

Byatt

Just a reminder for those with Br!tish Gas, you might get some help with your bills. http://www.britishgas.co.uk/products-and-services/gas-and-electricity/the-warm-home-discount.html

ginnyknit

Molly, I feel for you and know exactly what you mean about brown envelpoes, when Oh picks one up off the mat he is visibly shaken and hands it to me as if its toxic. His first collapse came after one of those saying we were having our council house repossessed 4 years ago - 1 phone call later it turned out our benefits had finally come through after 3 months and the house was safe -if this government was a business it would have gone bankrupt ages ago - doesnt matter who was in power at the time :mad:

Everyday when the postman comes I still hold my breath. I just cannot wait till we are debt free and it isnt as much of an issue so I just keep battling on.

Molly, we had to go to a tribunal but never actually got there they just re-instated our benefits, possibly after one of OH's specialists contacted them. Very mysterious but happy outcome. I still don't take it all for granted.

GreyQueen

grandma247 wrote: »

We wrap children up in cotton wool as a nation and now we have Adults incapable of making decisions for themselves. Children need to learn to think for themselves and we need to help them do that.

This is too true. Today, SuperGran paused to ask after one of the neighbour's grown sons, who is 19. He told her he'd finished at one college and had had an interview with another college but hadn't attended it. She asked why? He said he didn't know where it was and was worried he'd get off the bus in the wrong place and get lost.

Fer cryin' out loud, it's 6 miles away and two dozen buses go to and fro each day, with hundreds of students on them. She's known this man since he was a small child and knows all his family and he doesn't have special needs, he's just very coddled, weak and babyish.

We find it remarkable that eastern Europeans of the same age with little or no English have the guts to take a bus across a continent but this manchild can't get to a college just up the road. I despair, sometimes...........

prepareathome wrote: »

Where we live now its impossible to let children out as its a busy main road into the city but boys were allowed to play in side garden but never alone and never let grandchildren play there alone either, not because I feel they will wander off but to easy for a car to pull up jump over the tiny 1m fence ( thanks to being in a conservation area:mad: - how can an area with a busy main road that is filled 20hrs out of 24 with lorries, oil tankers, buses, cars etc, be called a conservation area) and grab the child.

Several years ago, SuperGran told me Shoebox Towers is in a conservation area. I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself; we're a whopping great ugly concrete 1970s block and this is a conservation area?!

Pull the other one, thought I. But she was right. And when one of the neighbours painted their door bright pink, instead of a conservative shade, the Housing Dept came down like a tonne of bricks. My only conclusion is that our block predates the conservation status or I don't think it could have been built.

Interesting to read about allowing children to play out and horrific what some poor youngsters are having to endure. I grew up on a rough estate (parents still live there) but it was on the edge of town and I was a free-range child and ran wild over a large area of woods and commons. My parents wouldn't allow me to do a paper round, though, when I was a teen as it was about the same time as there'd been an abduction of some paperboy who was never found.

I think it's a very tough one to call. Youngsters are vulnerable but there comes a point where they will be going around on their own and will they have the wherewithall to recognise dangerous situations and dodgy characters when they encounter them? There is also the psychological argument that if people are over-protected, they never learn to manage risk as youngsters and will end up as young adults taking much more severe risks as a result.

Such a relief I don't have to make that judgement call.

Been to t'office and came home again. Nothing particularly madcap happened today, at least on my phone line. But there are plenty of opportunities for zaniness tomorrow.

Have a good evening, everybody. GQ x

SpikyHedgehog

Pips_Mum wrote: »

Hello everyone!

Playing out would not be possible in our street, very busy road and lots of very undesirable characters live a couple of streets down. We are quite near to a large park but I would never feel happy letting Pip go there on his own when hes bigger. A nice cul-de-sac is definately one of the things on my wishlist for whenever we can move (laughs hysterically at the thought that we would EVER be able to afford to move!) so Pip and Pea would be able to play with friends on bikes and stuff safely.

I got a letter telling me we will be getting £176 WTC/ CTC a month, sad to say I am so wary of it. I just worry so much that they will turn round at a later point and say it was wrong and I will have to try and pay it back. It says its based on OH working 37 hours and me working none but of course he isn't working at the minute either, don't want to rattle the hornets nest though incase they put it up again and I end up having to pay even more back!

They also automatically sent 2 NHS exemption cards, OH and I are both currently exempt anyway as he has Epilepsy and obviously I have the maternity, thought it was quite good of them to send them though.

Had a nice chat with the play leader at our surestart centre today when I took Pip for stay and play. She asked me how we were managing and had I booked Pip into any extra sessions over the Summer whilst his nursery isn't free, I said I had but didn't like to take up too many activities as it would take spaces away from people who really needed them and she said "but YOU really need them at the minute". She said I shouldn't feel guilty about accepting help whilst I needed it, but of course I do!

They will find somewhere for anyone who needs a space if they haven't got 1 free, & if the spaces are not being used, they'll have funding cut as they ' don't need it'...

I'd rather live back on a busy road than down here. At least then I could easily tell DS2 & repeatable reason he can't play out!

I'm in a position at the moment where the brown envelopes just cause me the tight throat anxiety, but I've been a time where I felt sick as soon as I saw the postman & my hands would sweat so I could barely open letters.

Popperwell

ginnyknit wrote: »

Molly, I feel for you and know exactly what you mean about brown envelpoes, when Oh picks one up off the mat he is visibly shaken and hands it to me as if its toxic. His first collapse came after one of those saying we were having our council house repossessed 4 years ago - 1 phone call later it turned out our benefits had finally come through after 3 months and the house was safe -if this government was a business it would have gone bankrupt ages ago - doesnt matter who was in power at the time :mad:

Everyday when the postman comes I still hold my breath. I just cannot wait till we are debt free and it isnt as much of an issue so I just keep battling on.

Molly, we had to go to a tribunal but never actually got there they just re-instated our benefits, possibly after one of OH's specialists contacted them. Very mysterious but happy outcome. I still don't take it all for granted.

I had a similar letter 6 weeks after losing Mum it arrived on my birthday(Nice)told me my benefits had been suspended and I owed £500 in rent!

I cried(I admit it)and panicked.

It was a mistake...but the thought is there that there will hbe a next time and it won't be...

SpikyHedgehog

Forgot to say about playing out, we lived on the busy road from when DS1 was 6 to when he was 11, & he was walking to school on his own from when he was nearly 10, & a lot of the other parents at school said they'd not let their child walk to school on their own, but didn't have a problem with them playing out!


Its still a mile for DS2 to get to school, but along narrow country roads with a path on only 1 side of the road, & the road needs to be crossed, & he's not as sensible at 9 as DS1 was - he'll not be walking on his own for a good while.

fuddle

I'm trying to let mine go slowly. I recognise the need for them to spread their wings and learn skills but as a parent (and we know I'm a flake!) it's so difficult to do.

One thing is I was brought up by a mother who did not want to spend time with us or allow us to experience the world out there. I was just not allowed out. It was that simple. I grew up a very angry and frustrated with no social skills. It took a lot of work and patience by DH when we met to get me out. I remember he took me to the Lakes for the day when we first met. I would have been 23. I wowed at a waterfall running through the crags. A small waterfall. He said right there and then, "when we get to Keswick we're buying a tent and I'm taking you to Ben Nevis for week" That holiday opened my eyes to the great outdoors and made me realise I'd missed out on so much.

So, I try my best to put aside my anxiety and let the kids do age appropriate things but it's a slow process and I truly believe I couldn't do it without the medication, even when I really wanted to for the good of the kids.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I will ever do. It's a balancing act and as I know only too well, if you get it wrong, you risk harming your little one as an adult... even if you don't mean to.

Off I go to work out how to get tax back for washing DH's uniform.

Molly41

ginnyknit wrote: »

Molly, I feel for you and know exactly what you mean about brown envelpoes, when Oh picks one up off the mat he is visibly shaken and hands it to me as if its toxic. His first collapse came after one of those saying we were having our council house repossessed 4 years ago - 1 phone call later it turned out our benefits had finally come through after 3 months and the house was safe -if this government was a business it would have gone bankrupt ages ago - doesnt matter who was in power at the time :mad:

Everyday when the postman comes I still hold my breath. I just cannot wait till we are debt free and it isnt as much of an issue so I just keep battling on.

Molly, we had to go to a tribunal but never actually got there they just re-instated our benefits, possibly after one of OH's specialists contacted them. Very mysterious but happy outcome. I still don't take it all for granted.

I remember reading about that last year and feeling for you. I know that Shegar is also in the situation atm too. Your support is so appreciated and I feel calmer tonight but am still shell shocked to say the least.