make do and mend for tougher times

Spendless

I live a stone's throw from a play park. It was re-furbed when DS was 7 and from then on he played out, without me but going up in baby steps. Initially I'd take him and his 3 years younger sister and then if he wanted to stay behind when we left, I'd let him on the understanding that certain rules were adhered to, ie it wasn't after a certain time, there were plenty of people there also, a mix of kids and adults and I'd check on him after so long. As she had her older brother to go with, DD did this from a slightly younger age. She's now 9 and this week has started going to the shops and back herself. :T We have been working on this for weeks, with me taking her part way there and waiting. I am a huge fan of starting something off in the spring or summer, when there's light nights, rather than Autumn, when it starts to get dark early.

We have a family password and unless it is given then no, we haven't sent anyone to go and take them anywhere. I never gave the rule that they couldn't talk to someone but that they weren't to go anywhere with someone. This advice helped my son last feb 1/2 term when he was assaulted. He was walking by common land in our village when he came across a group of children, 3 jumped on him and hit him round the head, others watched and another filmed. All these children were in his year or the one below (it happened just short of his 12th birthday) and had been known to him since the age of 3 or 4. He managed to get them off and went to an adult stranger who was passing by for help.

Popperwell

grandma247 wrote: »

Oh Molly I am so sorry you have had such a bad time. ((hugs)) . Just when you think things can't get any worse it does. I do not know how you go about this but there are solicitors who specialise in getting people the help they need from all these .gov departments.

I have no idea about the dealings with all these departments but soon might if ddil goes ahead with a claim. She was told this week she needs 3 separate operations, one within the next few days and it will still be doubtful she will ever be able to work again.

Not to worry we are all in it together and the big society will help out grrrrrr.

Sending positive vibes to your DIL too. It's too complicated but a family friend who is in a bad way and wheel chair bound is having lots of difficulties with such a government department and like Molly her condition and helath is getting worse.

See some of the tales at this site...

It can be frightening...it is not just the so called unemployed scroungers the politicians go on about or the papers like the Daily Mail find but genuine ill...

http://diaryofabenefitscrounger.blogspot.co.uk/

Of course politics come into it a lot but some of the tales of how people struggle are worrying but not being reported in the media...

Try this post in particular...
http://diaryofabenefitscrounger.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/my-esa50.html

grandma247

That must have been so frightening spendless.

Popperwell

A terrible story Spendless and it's not just the event at the time but the aftermath that follows emotionally and possibly any legal matters...and the worry that he is safe in the future.

prepareathome

Oh Molly my heart goes out to you, lots and lots of hugs. I am not surprised you broke down. Every time a brown letter comes through our letterbox I can feel my heart starting to pound as although after a bit of a hiccup when I was put in the working group in March I did get put in support group from Incapacity but only for 2 years and I know that they can change this whenever they feel the whim to cause more mayhem. I wish I had some advice to give you but it sounds like you have covered all the bases with getting your MP involved.

Would you be willing to go to the local papers with your story - not sure if it will help but it certainly will not harm your claim, but you might find that a step to far.

Welcome aboard anyway and hopefully we can all help stretch your meagre income that bit further.

xxxxx

monnagran

Molly: That's awful but I've heard so many stories like yours. It seems that all the rules are about weeding out scroungers and benefit cheats. You are presumed guilty from the start. For people in genuine need it's enough to cause a nervous breakdown.

Overheard in a Job Centre recently. "We're not here to help you get a job, just to see if you qualify for benefits." Unbelievable!

Molly41

Thanks for all your support. I am awaiting a tribunal but had hoped to get it overturned prior to this. I might well go down the press route but might find it intrusive.

I will keep plodding on with it but I feel so damn helpless.

SPENDLESS - your poor son x

Popperwell

When I became ill, I could not get IB and it took all the help of the CAB to get DLA and I failed my first assesment and the form was full of lies. Back then the Dr worked for the Government and it was not a private company...

The second Dr who saw me said I should never have been called in and I was ill(I was at the time heading for dialysis, transplant or possibly death)

I am on very strong medication that may be keeping that problem at bay but they may not always work and they have side effects that have probably caused other problems or the other problems are part of the overal health problems such as fatigue, pain, mobility problems, stiff sometimes swollen joints and so on...I manage but every day is different. I adapt to how I am at the time.

And when things change(and we know that they will)I will have to pay for those even though they are necessary...

I am putting it off but I know I will require an operation at some point sooner rather than later so something else to look forward to...

I've had enough of hospitals with Mum and was not impressed so I'm not exactly looking forward to my stay when it happens...assuming it all goes ok and there are not more complications...

fuddle

Welcome Molly

Such upsetting stories today, one way or another.

The not knowing what is around the corner is agonising, whatever the circumstance whether sadness/loss or financial hardship.

Life is a ..... and then you go. I guess those of us that can get on with life, work out ways around obstacles and manage to smile once in a while are doing well. Struggling is so tiring isn't it

prepareathome

Oh Spendless that is terrible and much worse as it was people he knew not some nameless individual out to steal.

Well I forgot yesterday it was my 6 month anniversary since I stopped smoking - and no wonder we never had any money left and were always broke I would have spent £42 a week on cigarettes ( even more when they went up in April but I don't know the new price). So that £1092 min has gone into my store cupboard and helped me buy things I needed for the house.

Our income now is about £3k less than last year but with hubby officially on a 20hr contract even though 3 week out of 4 he works 35 hrs + I don't want to chance WTC as one guy said they were only interested in hubbys contracted hours and it didn't matter what he really worked but another woman said its by what he actually works and sent me a new claim form I don't think they know the new rules any better than I do and with them making me pay back what they reckon is an over payment, still not got a full explanation for that, had about 4 different reasons but frightened if I push it any more they will want the full £6k which they were asking for first ( basically all the WTC we had ever had) instead of the nearly £900 they have now said we have to pay.

Today has been horrible hot and humid with grey skies all day and don't know if its the weather but since Saturday night I have been getting migraines again. Not had any for a few years but suddenly on Saturday night started being sick then pain hit, same on Monday night and same last night and today - they have changed as used to get pain first then sickness but now totally other way round. Only got out on Tuesday as I took codeine with my Oxycontin which really is a big no no as could cause serotonin syndrome and dr will no longer give me the codeine full strength but I still have some left in date. I know it was a risk but did not want to let grandchildren down but as not going anywhere not taking them now but means more time lying in bed but this time with eye mask on and not even able to listen to audio books as been to bad and even with fan on its still so hot and heavy.......A specialist years ago told me that quite often when people hit mid 50s migraines just go and as I had not had any for two years I thought I was going to be one of them but sadly no, am so fed up as have had them since 18 and they have caused so much disruption in my life.

One plus today was nice as was able to pop out to garden and pick some potatoes, carrots and onions for tonight's meal - just doing those with fish cooked in milk in oven. its just getting to vegetable beds that is the fun as grass is as tall as me now and son popped along to gardeners house for me today and said it seemed as if it was empty so hope nothing bad has happened to them. So longs as if I am going to have to get quotes to get the garden done - I did have a petrol strimmer ( I thought I had ) that son borrowed as I could not lift and asked him if I was right i had one and he told me he left it out in rain and its just a total piece of rust, I bought that two years ago and cost me over £100 and only got used on my garden twice. I was going to dope myself up on my pain meds and have a go with it but nope will have to get quotes as going to cost a fortune to get grass cut now.

Sorry am a moan a lot today - blame the weather its so horrid.