off topic

Toomuchdebt

having a hard time at the moment as my bf has decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore and could do with some hugs and support please

bloomin_freezing

oh my god, thats an awful thing to go through. I'm so sorry hun. Do you want to talk about it?

Toomuchdebt

The hardest thing is that he's said he's not 100% sure and so is still living here.I asked him to take off the ring he bought me if he didn't love me anymore and he refused.I just don't know what to think or do-it's all I can think about.Preparng for bankruptcy is hard enough without added stress and heartbreak.

bloomin_freezing

try not to worry too much about the bankruptcy. Its very daunting i know that, but apart from the long form to fill out its all straight forward and the feeling after you've been to court is amazing.

as for him not being 100% sure, thats not fair on you. If he's not sure he sould move out and give you both space. is that something you'd feel strong enough to suggest?

bloomin_freezing

how long have you been together? i know its much harder to break up when you've been living together, but if this does happen and you do go your separate ways, you will be debt free, which is a whole new life in itself. You will have new opportunities, and you will be able to do things that have been out of the question when you were in debt. I know its not much help, but maybe you will have spare money so you can afford to go out with friends and do things to take you mind of the separation.

gettingitsorted

Toomuchdebt wrote: »

having a hard time at the moment as my bf has decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore and could do with some hugs and support please

HUGE HUGS to you Toomuchdebt,when did he drop this on you ?

wherediditallgo

Toomuchdebt, when is your bankruptcy hearing? I'm asking because if it's coming up in the very near future, you need to concentrate on that more than him. It must be hard having him still in the house while he's undecided about how he feels about you, but if he hasn't properly made up his mind within the next month, then give him a time limit by which to do it & make sure you stick to it.

I've found acknowledging that I've got to go bankrupt hard to deal with mentally, but now the decision is made I've just got to get my papers sorted out then get myself to the court. Once you've got yourself through that, you'll find clearing the decks financially enables you to see the rest of your life more clearly. If he hasn't made up his mind whether he still wants to be with you at that point, you may find that you make up his mind for him & decide to move on with your life. I've come through the end of a 15-year relationship - I never thought we'd split up & it's been hard, but I'm glad it was me who made the decision & I don't regret it. We'd been talking about buying a new home together, but something inside me must have made me realise it wasn't going to work & end things before that, & I'm so glad. If I hadn't done it then, I'm now convinced we'd have still split up eventually & I'd then have had much bigger financial problems to deal with as a result.

Like I said, if your bankruptcy hearing's coming up relatively soon, deal with that first. Then tell him that you want to make a fresh start with your life, so either he's with you or he's not, but you need to know within a certain time frame. When someone lives with you & loves you, they're a lover. When they live with you but don't love you, they're a squatter. Who wants one of those?

Toomuchdebt

I can't go bankrupt until early May due to work messing me about and deciding to not give me my P45 till April 18th and I can't get my benefits sorted out until I get the P45.So it's not that soon and I'm starting to worry about missing credit card payments etc.If any companies ring me up I'm likely to cry

I know I should probably ask him to move out but I can't bring myself to do it.It's my fault that he broke up with me-I kept starting arguments etc and if he moves out he won't see that I'm different now.I haven't even shouted at the kids in 3 days and beleive me that's a major achievement in itself.He's said that he can't forget all the rows.I've apologised a hundred times for it all but I guess it's too late.But while there's still a glimmer of a chance I don't want him to leave.He said if he was 100% sure that's what he wanted he would have moved out straight away.Maybe I'm being stupid, but I can't help hoping that once he realises I'm not picking fights etc he might decide to try again.

NekoZombie

Hey Toomuchdebt. The same happened to me over the weekend so you're not alone, although I'm sure it feels like it. Its awlays a shock being told you're not wanted/needed. Keep your chin up, and try not to dwell on it too much. Argggh, men!

bloomin_freezing

there's always a chance, and by him not moving out that must be a good sign.

Again, dont worry about the bankruptcy or credit debts. you have decided to go bankrupt and that is the most important thing here. STOP paying them, they may call, they may write but dont pay them you will need to save up the court fees. Ignore all letters and if poss their calls. If they ring pretend you are someone else and say you're not in at the moment. They will try and scare you in to paying them but whats the point if you're going bankrupt. The money could be better spent on you or the kids.

Make sure you get all important debts up to date if you have any, eg rent, council tax etc as you cant include these in bankruptcy, although i have arrears with the water board and gas and elec and these are allowed to be included. I stopped paying my debts in october and didn't go to court until mid december.

You could always phone the court to make a date for your hearing, that way you'll have a fixed date to look forward to, and if any creditors do manage to get hold of you, you can tell them too. That might make you feel a little bit better.

good luck, chin up.

Toomuchdebt

Neko I'm so sorry !!!!{hugs}}}

I'm not paying my cards and luckily everything else is up to date so far so no worries there.I've not had any calls yet but i'm sure they'll start soon

I still have a bit of hope but not much-the longer this goes on the less likely it is that he'll want to be with me.And the harder it's going to get when he does leave I just don't know how to act when he's at home.