Buying House with Partner - Deed of Trust

paddy's_mum

I'm all for using common sense to prevent nightmare situations but would ask you in what proportions do you and your partner 'own' your child?

By your calculations, his mother must do since she put more in - pregnancy, labour etc.

Wouldn't this whole thing be much less of a complicated mess if the two of you simply went ahead and had a small, quiet wedding with the slap-up party for family and friends on your first wedding anniversary, perhaps?

CLAPTON

Basically once you have children life if different.

Forget this nonsense about who 'contributes' what to the house budget.

It would be 'fair' that if you do separate the housing of your child is your primary consideration and not the amount of money you put into the mortgage.

Does your proposed deed of trust deal with your contribtuion ot he childs maintenance in separation?


Whats 'fair' is that the property is jointly owned as joint tenants and you accept the having a child changes everything.

Panda78

At this stage, i would just let the mortgage go through now it is approved and look into the cost of amendments afterwards. I think you should get your deed of trust sorted to protect your deposit and anything else will probably become irrelevant if you were to divorce anyway.

I'm in the same situation whereby i want my deposit protected, but i have to say that your comment about the mortgage being more important than the wedding, does make it seems like all this favours you over your partner. With a young child, i would have had a no fuss, inexpensive wedding for the sake of formality and then got a joint mortgage, still protecting your deposit contribution. I'm in a very similar situation to you and i know how difficult it is, but i do not have kids and i think that changes things entirely.

princeofpounds

Whats 'fair' is that the property is jointly owned as joint tenants and you accept the having a child changes everything.

I agree with this. I'm actually pretty sympathetic to non-married cohabitees wanting to keep their finances separate; there has been no 'sacrifice' to the other partner simply by living with them.

But once a child arrives on the scene, you are a family like it or not. She may not have been the main wage earner, but she is also sacrificing the chance to ever become one by bringing up your child. You are basically trying to put a financial structure in place which mimics that which you would have if you were not together.

Perhaps it is not truly fair that she gets half of everything you have earned prior to this stage as in a classic divorce. However, what would you feel about the fairness of giving her exactly half of everything you earn from here on (adjusted for anything she might earn too), rather than a mere 'child support allowance'.

But I'm not going to get too heavy on you because people have different opinions on such things.

penny_pitstop

This should be split down the middle. If you are intending to marry your partner then everything is yours together as a partnership.
I was in a similar situation 4 years ago. With my ex for 10 years, we bought a house. His mother put the deposit of £40k down and my ex had only his name on the mortgage/deeds as I had only recently become self employed and couldn't put my name to it even though I was contributing almost the same money into the household as him. We proceeded with the purchase with the intention of getting some kind of legal document drawn up later on so everything would be split 50/50 if we were to go our seperate ways.
This document got put on the back burner and 6 months after moving in he cheated on me and basically kicked me out. I had NOTHING. No home, no furniture. NOTHING.
I did't have a leg to stand on as it couldn't be proved that I actually contributred finacially towards out beauiful home.
I thank my lucky stars a child wasn't involved in my break up and I know you love your partner dearly now but no one knows what the future holds. You need to make sure your partner and son are cared for if your should fall out of love, sometimes emotions/anger can cloud your decisions. Get the documents drawn up ASAP for the sake of your child if nothing else.
Hope this all makes sense to you.

Fortheloveofmoney

I really don't understand this. You are a couple with a child why are your finances separate? Surely if you were to split the agreement would be invalid anyway you would both need to provide a home for your child. If your child stays with your partner then you expect them both to move out.

I'm sorry but I really don't think you've thought this through. I'm all for trust deeds for adults without kids and in fact have signed one myself in the past but when you have kids the deal changes. Are you really suggesting that as your partner contributes less financially she in entitled to less if things don't work out?

People contribute all manner of things to a relationship and not just money.

I'm glad my hubby isn't like you. I would never have married him if he was.

Yorkie1

Picking up on one thing you mentioned in your initial post.

You said you would make a will. It will automatically be revoked on marriage, unless specifically made 'in contemplation of marriage'.

Make sure that when you discuss your will with the solicitor, you make him/her aware of the impending (how long?) marriage so s/he can advise you on this issue.

Gopes

Thank you all for your contributions. I can see that there are some quite strong feelings about what we are proposing to do, and the perceived fairness / unfairness towards by partner, which we have discussed quite extensively.

Wedding is something that she (rather than me) wants to postpone - mainly because our respective direct families (parents / siblings) are all abroad - and for her, this is a very significant event for her family, etc...

Clearly child care, etc. following a hypothetic split up is something that would need to be agreed, but I see this as a separate point to the house (in all likelihood, if we split up, she would return to her home country, which poses issues of its own - but hopefully this is academic).

Regardless of the strong views on here, I do feel the need to protect the large deposit (which I have saved over the past 8 years) - my cousin was 'stitched' up by a partner who divorced him 6 months after buying a house and supposedly (his version) took him to the cleaners...

Putting the deed of trust / relative shares in the property to one side, and given the current stage of the mortgage application, does anyone else have any thoughts re whether we should:
a) Amend the current mortgage application (which HSBC have already approved); or
b) Wait until the purchase has completed, and then subsequently get this amended - any idea of likely costs?

Please don't post further thoughts on "how I am being unreasonable to my partner". I get the message - that is not my intention, and I am genuinely trying to do the right thing (in my mind), and ensure that she is given the protection she deserves.

Cheers
Gopes

pokey128

Hi,
I am a SAHM with 2 young children and we have recently got a mortgage from First Direct with me on the mortgage but obviously contributing nothing "to the pot". We had a sizeable deposit and were accepted no problem. As HSBC are the same (ish) as First Direct I would expect you would be ok to add her.

Good luck with it all

Yorkie1

pokey128 wrote: »

Hi,
I am a SAHM with 2 young children and we have recently got a mortgage from First Direct with me on the mortgage but obviously contributing nothing "to the pot". We had a sizeable deposit and were accepted no problem. As HSBC are the same (ish) as First Direct I would expect you would be ok to add her.

Good luck with it all

HSBC are a completely different lender from FD and they often have completely different approaches to lending. I wouldn't rely on their umbrella proximity as a basis for assuming that this will be OK.