birth certificate and dna test help

dt3887

Hi,

i am in dire need of some advice, ideally from someone who actually has the correct knowledge, and not a troll.

basically, my ex wife has terminated all contact i have with the kids after i told her that i have been told by several people that she cheated on me while she was in hollidays (the same time First child was concieved), and again when i was away with work for 2 weeks (round about the same time as the second child was concieved).
Since then she has, like i said, cut off all access, and will not let me even speak to the children - i recieved a text sayin "why dont you just f**k off, we do not want anything to do with you or your money". at the time we had a private payment arragement in place, which she then started to refuse the payments by putting the money back into my bank account with the reference "dont want it".

last week i recieved a letter from the csa - 3 months after she started refusing the payments. she has told them that it was me who cut all contact and told her to f off, and told them i was demanding the money back.
i have told csa i am more than happy to make the payment through them, as long as a dna test is performed.
when i spoke to csa yesterday, they told me that she "isnt very keen" on doing a dna test, and if i want to get it done, i will have to go through the courts to get my name removed from the birth certificates and then have the tests done under reasonable doubt rules.

what im trying to find out, is if anyone has had this before, how long it takes, and how much it costs?

thanks

dave

19lottie82

You'll need to go to a lawyer who will apply for a court date to ask the judge to order a DNA test. But your doubts won't be enough for the latter to happen. The judge will need to be convinced that the test is in the childs best interest, not yours.

Is there anyone you know who would be able to get a discreet sample from the kids (hairbrush, toothbrush etc), so you can use a home test kit? I know many people may argue against this but it may be simpler and cheaper than the court route.

Gigglepig

Be careful what you wish for...

Don't know how old these kids are, but presumably you have brought them up as your own and love them, so in this sense they are yours? Does that mean nothing to you? Would you truly be prepared to cut all contact if they had another biological dad?

I understand you may feel hurt and upset, but the kids have done nothing wrong.

Your ex is probably very upset also about these accusations, either because they are wrong or because they are right and she feels guilty. If these rumours turn out to be wrong I hope you give her a big and sincere apology.

19lottie82

Gigglepig wrote: »

Be careful what you wish for...

Don't know how old these kids are, but presumably you have brought them up as your own and love them, so in this sense they are yours? Does that mean nothing to you? Would you truly be prepared to cut all contact if they had another biological dad?

Surely he has a right to know if they are his children or ? Something like that can eat away at you...

dt3887

Gigglepig wrote: »

Be careful what you wish for...

Don't know how old these kids are, but presumably you have brought them up as your own and love them, so in this sense they are yours? Does that mean nothing to you? Would you truly be prepared to cut all contact if they had another biological dad?

I understand you may feel hurt and upset, but the kids have done nothing wrong.

Your ex is probably very upset also about these accusations, either because they are wrong or because they are right and she feels guilty. If these rumours turn out to be wrong I hope you give her a big and sincere apology.

im not the one who has cut off the contact, she has.

19lottie82 - , no, there is no one really as i have had to move a good bit further north because of work. plus, the home tests wont stand up in court, or with the CSA due to their apparent unreliability

Gigglepig

19lottie82 wrote: »

Surely he has a right to know if they are his children or ? Something like that can eat away at you...

Sure but if it were me I'd try to check it discretely, without upsetting the ex and possibly even the kids, before I was 100% sure. And even if it is important to know the truth, some times it doesn't change anything. Presumably OH loves these kids because true or not, he has raised them as his own.

newcook

dt3887 wrote: »

plus, the home tests wont stand up in court, or with the CSA due to their apparent unreliability

but at least you would know one way or the other.

also, if you are the dad you can take her to court for access - access and money are 2 completely seperate issues.

RAS

Hi mate

Since the CSA are now involved, you need to go over to the child support forum. http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=140

There are folk there who think all NRPs are jerks but there are those who have been through the same sort off thing as you have.

slickric1234

get jeremy kyle to find out the truth and have the nation judge her

emweaver

She is probably angry that you are trying to wriggle out of the responsibility of being a father. I think you are being very stupid listening to gossip and it is unfair on the children!

If she had really cheated why did your friends not tell you at the time? How can they be sure when she cheated and when she conceived?

I know when I conceived all 3 of my DD and neither of those dates tied up with my due dates, all were about 2 weeks out!

Yorkie1

19lottie82 wrote: »

Is there anyone you know who would be able to get a discreet sample from the kids (hairbrush, toothbrush etc), so you can use a home test kit? I know many people may argue against this but it may be simpler and cheaper than the court route.

I thought there was another thread on this issue recently, but I can't locate it now.

Basically, according to one of the DNA test providers,

• All persons to be tested must still sign a consent form - this is an absolute requirement under the Human Tissue Act 2004, and failure to ensure this can open yourself up to the offence of "DNA theft" which is punishable by a prison sentence of up to 3 years and/or a fine of £3000 even if your sample is sent overseas).

http://www.cellmark.co.uk/dna_testing/peace_of_mind_dna_testing.php

So, you can't just go and get a hair brush or other similar item for a behind-the-scenes test.

As previously stated, it will need a court order (or consent ... hardly likely in this situation).

Good luck OP.