How do I explain the pain ?

Crisp_£_note

This is a bit of a hard one to explain so please bear with me.

My Mam is coming to stay for a month next week she is in her 70's and has COPD but manages to get about a little in small doses as she forces herself to.

I am in my early 40's but admit I am not very fit and at the moment I am suffering with my Ankylosing Spondilitis and am in pain but again have learn to live within my limits with it and I do push myself when needs must but it is exhausting and twice as painful the day after.

Although I phone my Mam almost every day I havent told her how bad I am at the moment and I dont know how to explain to her when she does arrive that I cant get up to the library with her by walking or nip to the shop on foot or go for that walk to the beach. Im embaraced to admit it as she is always chipping away at me to exercise. She has already told me I must get the exercise bike down from the attic for us both to use. I can tollerate a little exercise and I know I am unfit and need to exercise but its the pain that stops me.

I will try to get to the library for her and try to walk to the beach with her and try to have challenges on the exercise bike and with fitness TV but I have a feeling she wont understand when I give up after a few minutes or I am slow walking.

On the one hand I dont want to show her how bad I am on the other I dont want her moaning at me that I have a fitness regime of a couch potatoe at worst or an old woman at best (which I know is wrong as many old ladies are fit etc) as the way she puts it.

If I am pottering about at home I would seem fine or going out with my friends as I plan to then I am ok as they know my boundarries.

How do I handle this as its not like something she can see like a broken leg. She knows I have AS and she has suffered with a different back pain herself and even had an op.
Im happy to try and exercise at home as at least I have a chair to sit in but going out for a walk isnt so easy or comfortable when your halfway there or here. Especialy carrying books from library etc.
A lot of the time I rely on husband to take me in his van but its only a 2 seater and he has to work still of course.

Hope this makes sense I just dont know how to explain it to her or repeat it when Mam starts getting pushy and not beleiving me. Its very draining as well to be in pain so I am often tired to and dont want to get angry and ending up snapping at her of course.

Fingers crossed though I am wrong and she wont want to go out for too many walks and I can get her books from library in my own time or with a lift from husband. It might seem like a good excuse for being lazy but I assure you it isnt as I used to be fit and active and sporty now I am resigned to a sedentry life its very frustrating especialy for the figure and fitness

Thanks in advance

cutestkids

I can't tell you how to deal with your Mum on this visit but this is something that you will have to go back to your GP about.

Were you not referred to physio when the diagnosis was made, usually this would be the case and a tailored exercise program that you can manage and build on would be put in place.

With AS is is essential that you do exercise and keep as mobile as possible otherwise the spine may seize up reducing your mobility even further.

If you have not been referred then you should go back to teh GP and insist on it, if you have been and find the exercise program too much then again you should ask to go back and let them asses you again.

With regards to having your Mum to stay, I think you should tell her, she won't know otherwise how difficult it is for you and might expect too much.

I hope it gets easier for you.

Desperado99

I think you need to be honest and upfront about it, and that also goes for telling her (nicely) to stop nagging you about it. (I had to do that to my dad last week - I'm on a v low fat diet as I need to have my gallbladder out, he thought that he could nag me about my weight because of this. he was wrong )

I also agree with cutestkids about going back to the docs and seeing a physio about it.

Quackers1

This won't necessarily help with your Mum's visit but have you heard about:
http://www.nass.co.uk/about-as/managing-my-as/as-course-at-rnhrd/

My daughter has A.S. and she found this course incredible and would recommend it to all those with the condition.

Crisp_£_note

Hi both thank you for the replies am glad you understood what I was trying to convey!

Desperado I think so too perhaps I can ask her to accept when I say enough is enough she knows it is really time to stop nagging or pushing otherwise I may lose my temper. Of course I can point this out politely and also ask her to do the same if she feels I am pushing her as well (she already does tell me) but at least then we will be on mutual understanding grounds. I can tell her I may have to say enough is enough then walk away before she has chance to upset me further

Quackers surprisingly enough no I hadn't noticed that course, I am a member of NAAS myself but usualy go direct to their members forum rather the website. I will certainly bring it up with my Rhumatologist next time I see him, which at this present rate wont be long

Thanks again both

Errata

Why not just tell her the AS is not too good at the moment and is limiting what you can do just now?

SueC_2

I have AS so know how hard it can be. I find it helps to try to be a survivor, rather than a victim, of it.

Do what you can, and feel proud that you 'did that despite having AS', as opposed to not doing anything 'because of having AS'.

Miss_Havisham

Show her this thread - it explains your situation very clearly - your physical limitations and how you feel emotionally about it.

I do hope you can get medical advice to improve your pain and give you a better quality of life at such a young age.

Good luck and I do hope you and your Mum have a good time together.

Miss H