Funeral speech/eulogy for father in law

FloFlo

Not having a great year, lost my mum in March and now my father in law last week.

I spoke briefly at mum's funeral but it was pretty much off the cuff from the heart.

I have been asked to prepare the eulogy for my FIL's funeral, his BIL will be reading it. I have googled but am struggling to piece it together. He was a lovely, family man but not religious.

Any help/ideas/thoughts/tips welcome.

floss2

Talk about the man - his life, his work, his pastimes. Mention any great loves - pigeon racing, allotment, tinkering with cars, etc. Finish on his love for his wife / family / children / grandchildren.

Do you have any funny stories about him or funny things he would say? It's always nice to give people a smile when remembering someone whose funeral they are at.

vax2002

How can you write about someone you only met in later life ?

thorsoak

vax2002 wrote: »

How can you write about someone you only met in later life ?

Why can you not write about someone you meet in later life? The latter part of a person's life is every bit as important as the early life.

People can talk about the person they knew - every different view adds to the picture of the whole person.

OP - talk to other members of the family to see if you can get different parts of the jigsaw that made up your FIL - it will all come from the heart, I'm sure.

meritaten

yes, talk about the man you knew, in both general terms and how you felt about him. please tell an anecdote or two, it DOES help those grieving because it makes the service intensely personal, both for close family and friends and those who attend just to pay respects.

When my aunt died the eulogy was said by her old workmate - who did a brilliant job. the whole congregation was nodding and smiling and several times broke into laughter as Aunties eccentricities were lovingly retold.
PS the 'stories' jogged peoples memories and the 'wake' was very lively with much laughter and it broke the ice for perfect strangers to come up with thier own 'Aunty' Story!

mountainofdebt

Wouldn't it be better if BIL wrote it or at least have an input to it?

Personally I think you can always tell when the giver of the speech has just had the job of reading it

azzabazza

I think BIL should be the one to write it. However, if you are doing it dwell on his family values, anything he did in the community, his commitment to work and providing a home, any funny moments etc etc.

Sorry for your losses. Not a good year for you.

whitewing

Get your BIL to sit and talk (or rather ramble on) about your FIL. Either tape him, or make lots of notes while he is talking.

Then just type the whole lot up, pretty much as it was worded. Then print it off and cut out chunks and rearrange it into some kind of chronology, adding the bits you've had to find out.

You can also add in memories from the cards you get sent - it makes it all very personal.

I would say about one, one and a half, to two sides of fairly big typed up words would be enough.

It is also good to print off or email copies of the eulogy to family or people who can't be there. There will probably be some who can't travel who would like to be included.

FloFlo

I have put something together and asked the person reading it to change it as they wish. I don't think it's the best way to do it but didn't want to refuse. I think the reasoning behind me being asked was that they hoped I would volunteer to do the eulogy but it's too close to my mum's passing and although I have been married to his son for 23 years I feel that really it should be his brother or sister as they would have more to say about his earlier years. But they aren't willing and his BIL would only do it if someone else wrote it.

I loved my FIL dearly but honestly don't feel it is my place to say the eulogy and I'm just not up to it, I only did it for my mum as no one else would - and if I mucked up my mum's I knew she wouldn't care.

GobbledyGook

What kind of service is the funeral?

For my Grandfather's funeral I wrote the eulogy, but my other half read it (there was no way I could). He had a Humanist funeral so we didn't say much about his life story as the celebrant did that already.

I summed him/his life up in five words - Train Driver, Husband, Father, Grandfather and Horse Racing. Then I wrote a wee bit about each one. For the husband, father and grandfather bit we included a favourite memory of the people to whom he was those things. The Horse Racing was a lighter aspect as my Grandad could never go to the bookies without getting caught. It was like a battle of wills between him and my Nana - him trying to have a fly bet (he wasn't a big gambler, it was £1 here and there) and her determined he'd never get away with it.

If the celebrant/Priest/whoever hosting the ceremony isn't going to talk about him personally then you could do a summary of his life with highlights/favoured memories at the relevant points.

Sorry for your loss.