Friend issues dd 8

cobbingstones

I'm properly making this into more than it needs to be

My dd who is nearly 8 is not a social butterfly and dotes on one friend who is older than her. Her friend however, does not seem has loyal and often goes and plays with others where my dd is told not to join in! (normal behaviour I guess?). If she tries to spend time with some of the older girls they politely refuse entry. Lately, she as been not quite herself and after lots of talking she confided in me that she just wants to sit on her own at dinner time and be by herself at playtime She actually became angry when explaining that when she did this one day, she was repeatedly asked if she was ok?

I guess this hits a cord with me because my other child is Asbergers and spends every lunch time on his own talking to himself. He doesn't mind this at all

I'm just being sensitive I guess. I hate her feeling sad. I'm wondering if this needing to be by herself is a protective behaviour?

Thoughts and advice welcomed

Lotus-eater

cobbingstones wrote: »

I'm just being sensitive I guess. I hate her feeling sad. I'm wondering if this needing to be by herself is a protective behaviour?

It could be protective behaviour.

Don't the school try to do anything about this? My DD's aged 8, have a bench where they will sit on if they have no one to play with and someone will always come over to them straight away.

And they would certainly notice if one person was sitting by themselves all the time.

I think it's very healthy that lots of people came over and asked her if she was OK when she sat by herself.

She could do with finding some friends of her own age, I would suggest speaking to the teacher and outlining your own worries for a start.

If that doesn't work, maybe a quiet word with your DD and if she agrees try to set up playdates for other children in her class she wants to be friends with.

It's not easy, as girls often at this age have circles of friends that look as if no one else will be welcome, but this is often not true.
You just have to find the kind one, who is happy to be friends with anyone.

FatVonD

I could cry for you because my son went through this at about the same age and I know how hard it is, I don't have any advice for you but I am feeling your pain

LondonDiva

You could also try getting her involved in outside school activities like Brownies etc (is she too young for cadets?).

Also worth shaking your family & friend tree and arrange occasional meet ups with those kids of a similar age - this lets her open up to others outside school and also build her confidence to engage with other kids at school.

I know that at primary we were very year concious and I don't recall ever playing (in school) with kids in the lower forms / younger years. Have you a good relationship with parents of kids in her year / class - you will need to find ways for her to interact in a relaxed way with lots of children without forcing the issue, or making her self concious.

Good luck

nw_mum

I just want to add this is also happening to my DS. As London Diva said, try outside clubs and groups, which is what I am trying at the moment for him so far so good at the moment. To be honest sometimes, a school may not pick up on this, there's Stage Coach which runs on Saturdays in various areas, swimming, dance also try and make light chat with parents , it all helps

LilMissEmmylou

Awww I know in DD's school they have a "buddy busstop" where kids who need a friend to play with can go stand and then another few kids will come over and get them to join in with their playtime.

Perhaps speak to the teacher to see if she has noticed anything? and see if between you, you can come up with some methods of ensuring your DD does not feel left out and that she can have some quiet time if that i really what she would rather x

cutestkids

Hi

I know how hard it must be for you to see your little girl so sad, but you really do need to try and encourage her to make friends of her own age rather than older girls.

Even a year is quite a big difference at this stage with regards to emotional development and maturity, if you daughter is always the younger in a group of older friends they may feel that she is a little too childish for them.

I would try to explain to her that although it is fine to be friends with the older girl she really needs to try to make friends with girls from her own age group,

I hope things work out for her.

Would it be possible to invite one of her classmates round for tea or just to play after school one day to try and widen her social circle a little bit.