Help me to help mum

scrappie_2

Hi guys,

So my question to you lovely people is - how do I help my mum get through this??

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer (DCIS) earlier in the week. She initally had two areas biopsied and has to have a secod biopsy in 2 wks, as one of the areas came back as 'equivical' cells. So I'm assuming they will take a larger tissue sample this time around.

After that (apparently quite quickly, as she will be close to her breach date) will be surgery. So far this is lumpectomy, but again, assuming that this will depend on the results of the next biopsy. Following that is three weeks of radiotherapy.


Obviously I will be there to support whatever choices she makes and she knows that already as we discussed this earlier today. But is there any 'practical' thing I can do for her?? I'm sure there will a 'Top 10 Tips for Radiotherapy '. But I just don't know what they are right now.



We are both very practical people, we can deal with most things if we have a plan and a list detailing how we will tackle the plan. My dad on the other hand ....... well, he prefers to ignore whats going on in the hope that it will go away.


Both mum and I 'expected' this result - I can't explain it, but I 'just knew' this was the way things would turn out. It never entered my dads head and he is now flawed by it - think he's trying to put a face on for mum.


I was thinking of buying her a new handbag as I'm assuming that she will find her current bag difficult to carry after surgery - it tucks under her arm, close to the breast. So was going to buy her a cross-body bag and want to fill it with 'things she never knew she needed'.



So, does anyone have any ideas?? What did you not have before/during surgery/ rads that would have made life just that little bit easier at that time??

Alikay

One of those soft comfy sleep bras and some layered type tops (with a kind of fake waistcoat/cardi) to disguise any unevenness at first, as she may be a bit lumpy due to dressings or drains. Nighties or PJ's which fasten down the front mean she won't have to keep hoiking her top up every time she's examined too.

My mum also felt very tired afterwards and didn't have much appetite, so a nice selection of light meals and snacks for a few weeks may tempt her.

The main thing which helped my mum was us all being as upbeat and practical as possible: She was desperate not to make any extra work for us, or us to worry (which of course we did, a heck of a lot!) so we kept her up to date with all the news, and remembered any funny little snippets we heard throughout the day to make her chuckle!

Hope all goes well for your mum - it's 17 years since my mum had her mastectomy and she's still here driving me scatty!

Janey3

What a lovely thoughtful daughter you are, Scrappie.

I second what Alikay says re the soft bra and the tops.

Some Aquaeous cream (not sure if I've spelt that correctly), for when mum as her radio treatment as the skin can become a bit sore.

I found it easier to cope by focusing on something to look forward to and my focus was to get back to work as soon as possible as I loved my job and it kept me going through treatment. So perhaps plan something together to look forward to - maybe a girlie shopping trip or a holiday or something like that?

I wanted to be treated normally and not as an invalid.

Don't worry about Dad, I'm sure he will cope in his own way.

I'm a breast cancer survivor of 15 years!

Wishing your Mum and you all the best.

lika_86

Front fastening pyjamas maybe in a lovely soft fabric?

Edit: I see Alikay beat me to it on that suggestion

scrappie_2

Thanks!! It's so nice to hear 'real' people say they come out the other side of this. Makes a real difference.

Have been having a think - tell me if I'm on the right track...

Going to take her shopping, out-of-town, make a day of it and buy all 'hospital essentials'. Thought she might like a little shopping trip!

Taking her aay for a few days tomoro, just for a break before she embarks on this rollercoaster ride.

Going to put an amazon voucher in the bag, so she can select music/books that she fancies.

Making an IOU for meals - I will be cooking and taking stuff round to fill the freezer, but the IOU for days when she really just 'has to have xxxx'.

Some spray cleaner for her glasses - save her a trip to the sink to wash them.

Some Aquaeous cream (not sure if I've spelt that correctly), for when mum as her radio treatment as the skin can become a bit sore.

Janey - what is this?? Is it vaseline? Someone else has mentioned E45 cream too. Also, any recomendations for soaps etc, I'm assuming that mum will be restricted to what she is able to use. If I can get all that sorted for her, it's one less thing for her to worry about.

Have also decided to buy her a journal, so that she can record things when she needs to.

bluenoseam

Aqueous cream is a soothing agent which will help with the irritation (if she gets it) associated with the site of radiotherapy, you'll probably find that she'll be given it on request by the hospital.

Have you checked the MacMillan site, they have awesome forums there with patients/ex patients who can give you all sorts of hints & tips (https://www.macmillan.org). I can't tell you anything about breast cancer treatment, but I know going through radiotherapy is kinda daunting, even for the strongest of people. Small things like making sure she's got plenty of cotton tops (i think it was cotton anyways) to avoid irritation sometimes brought on with synthetics go a long way.

Janey3

Hi Scrappie.

It's water and emulsifying cream. It's good to read bluenoseam's post that it's now given to patients by the hospital. I used to have to get it from the chemist. A little improvement in this respect then! I didn't get the wound and area wet for some time, just bathed my armpit, but no soap, but again the hospital will guide her as to this.

I'm sure your mum will love the shopping trip and the voucher for music/books which has just reminded me of something else that helped me. My brother made me some tapes to listen to in the car, (driven by very kind hospital volunteers I must add) on the way to my radiotherapy treatments as I had to travel some distance for the treatment, and this helped a lot and took my mind off things.

Bearing in mind my treatment was some time ago, and my husband had to keep the home fires burning by working, so he couldn't drive me to the hospital for my appointments, I used the voluntary services, which was great and I'll always be grateful to them, but the downside was that if my appointment was early morning I had to wait all day at the hospital, after my couple of minutes zap, for the other passengers to finish their treatment and come back in the car to our area. They were long days.

Enjoy your few days break, you're doing just great for your Mum.

bluenoseam

I'm not sure about that, I know I was given some but that may have been due to the area of treatment, mine was around the neck area so was both visible constantly & being subjected to being rubbed. (i.e. wearing t-shirts) Could also be a hospital basis thing too, but I dare say it's something that if requested it'll be given - should be anyway!

The other thing I'd say is to learn that her radiology nursing staff can also be some of her greatest assets if she's starting to struggle, I can't praise mine enough for getting me seen to when I needed it. They'll have seen it enough times to know when people need help & what is likely to work for them - nurses on wards can be good for this too!

Savvy_Sue

I know nothing specific, but pop a little tube of handcream in the bag, because your hands can get really dry in hospital.

The shopping trip idea is fab: I focussed on that before I had surgery, and went into hospital with all new sponge bag and accessories, pjs etc, all in my favourite pink. cheered me up no end.

pixelation

There is a fabulous forum on the Breat Cancer Care website http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/community which my mum has found very upbeat and practical.

Mojisola

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I know nothing specific, but pop a little tube of handcream in the bag, because your hands can get really dry in hospital.

And lip salve. The air always seems very dry in hospital.

I've always put a pack of wet wipes in Mum and Dad's hospital bags. It's really nice to be able to freshen up when you're stuck in bed - after getting newsprint on your hands, or before and after meals, etc.

These days I also add a little bottle of antibacterial hand gel. I'm not keen on the current trend of antibacterial everything that's available for the home but people with a lowered immune system are more vulnerable to bugs so they need to take extra care.