Dealing with difficult co-worker

TenPin

I share the office with someone who seems to be intent on making every day difficult for me. Every day I hear him say my name at least 4 times, sometimes I don't hear what he says other times I do and they're always derogatory things. It's as though he's on some personal mission to make things as difficult for me as possible; both saying things in earshot of me and making me look bad to other people.

One example is a coworker was asking for my help on something then suddenly he butted in and took over. As he walked away he said "If you need anything else I wouldn't bother asking him", referring to me.

Then today he told another coworker who I get on with that they should take some money left on someone else's desk and then claim that they'd seen me taking it.

He will quite often butt in on conversations I'm having and sometimes volunteer to do something he's heard my boss ask me to do, it feels like he only does it to make me look bad.

I'm putting up with this on a daily basis, for 2 years in fact. I was hoping he would eventually go away but it doesn't seem to be happening. Normally I would try and discuss problems with the person involved (which I've done in the past with other people) but I feel like he's made such a deliberate effort to be difficult that I just don't see how I can do that.

Any ideas on how I should approach this problem?

Sambucus_Nigra

What does your boss say about this?

Personally, every time I heard anything I would take my notepad out, lick my pencil, look at my watch and note down the time, place and word for word what was said about me. If he asked what I was doing, I'd say 'I've been advised to record every derogatory thing you have said about me as you say it'. You don't have to mention that it's me that has advised you.

Then if you take a grievance out, you have records. It might be just enough to shut him up. If not, when you have enough records, take out a grievance - but only after speaking to your boss first.

Savvy_Sue

Does he ever make these comments when your manager is within earshot? If so, I'd respond at one of those times with something like "Fred, I find that comment out of order, if you have a problem can we sort it out please?" I'd make sure there's a witness, anyway.

Do you have the same manager? I'd raise it with them if you do.

Is there a 'Oh, Fred's always like that, ignore him" kind of attitude?

Do other people get on OK with him?

TenPin

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What does your boss say about this?

To be honest I haven't said anything to my boss about it. I know that might sound silly but every time there's an opportunity I haven't been able to say it.

Personally, every time I heard anything I would take my notepad out, lick my pencil, look at my watch and note down the time

I've thought about making records but again I haven't as yet.

Does he ever make these comments when your manager is within earshot? If so, I'd respond at one of those times with something like "Fred, I find that comment out of order, if you have a problem can we sort it out please?" I'd make sure there's a witness, anyway.

Good idea. I've thought about doing that but I always feel like people would think I'm overreacting over a small thing without realising that I'm putting up with this many times each week.

Is there a 'Oh, Fred's always like that, ignore him" kind of attitude? Do other people get on OK with him?

His behaviour seems to be aimed specifically at me. No one else I see seems to have this problem.

McKneff

He's a bully and you need to try to stnd up to him.

If he buts in again, get your shoulders back, eye contact, and say,
Er, excuse me but I'm dealing with it, do you mind. ?

I know its difficult but at some time he is going to have you in tears.
He is so full of himself and thinks he has this power, make sure he knows that he hasnnt. Like I say, Eye Contact.

Or just tell him to f**k off :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

(sorry, only kidding)

TenPin

McKneff wrote: »

He's a bully and you need to try to stnd up to him.

If he buts in again, get your shoulders back, eye contact, and say,
Er, excuse me but I'm dealing with it, do you mind. ?

I know its difficult but at some time he is going to have you in tears.
He is so full of himself and thinks he has this power, make sure he knows that he hasnnt. Like I say, Eye Contact.

Or just tell him to f**k off :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

(sorry, only kidding)

I think you're right I do need to stand up to him. I don't think I'm ever going to cry about it but I do get quite stressed.

The main problem is if I do anything I feel like people will see me as someone overreacting to a harmless joke and it will make me look bad.

Sambucus_Nigra

TenPin wrote: »

I think you're right I do need to stand up to him. I don't think I'm ever going to cry about it but I do get quite stressed.

The main problem is if I do anything I feel like people will see me as someone overreacting to a harmless joke and it will make me look bad.

'Dave, two years you've been commenting on me. Making derogatory remarks, trying to get people to steal and pretend it's me, butting in on conversations. Do you think it's about time you got over it and moved on? It's very tedious and very very boring'.

Elvisia

I like the idea of taking out a notebook and writing down what he said, and if you didn't quite hear it to ask him to repeat. I suspect he's trying to wear you down, you often find that once bullies are told what they're doing has no effect they stop. I had this problem, and I know how stressful it can be. I would also report it to a line manager, so they know there's an issue, and maybe they might have a 'chat' with him.

marybelle01

And also - what did the colleague do about the comment about stealing some money and blaming it on you? That is hardly an incident that can be viewed as a joke. In their shoes, I would have reported it to management.

getmore4less

Next time he starts doing stuff you have been asked to do go to your boss and ask for something else to do.

Point out that this person much have too much time on their hands if they are finding time to do stuff you have been asked to do so needs more of their own work.

Another angle is to offer all your work to this person

Another angle is to make stuff up and see if they do that stuff as well.

Boss asked me to do X.Y.Z I will get round to doing it later.

dandelionclock30

You need to be sitting down with this person and their line manager in a meeting and telling them that you find their behaviour unnaceptable and why.

You should have told them straight much earlier and not have let it drag on for 2 years. If you want something doing about a problem then you need to address it and get things sorted out.