CAF meeting for primary school child

Frith

Daska - smarties, eh? My son's learning and behavioural difficulties stem from being allowed to watch the Simpsons while we eat our tea. And the fact I don't communicate with his father. The one that put us all in a refuge....

daska

Not having in-depth conversations with an abusive ex... another doozy, suggest you request police protection if he's going to be invited to the next meeting. And point out that your current partner is their parent on a day to day basis and that you give consent to him to speak.

Yep, smarties, that was from the school nurse, if we are ever asked to consent to another CAF one of my criteria will be that she is not permitted to be involved.

Ours waited until DS2's dad was out of the room and then announce that she thought it was time he started pulling his weight - when earlier in the meeting I'd pointed out that his GP had described him only days earlier as "still very, very ill" following a year of chemo. In fact I used to take my wheelchair as a visual reminder to all of them that yes, I am disabled, and being ill/disabled is a bit of a disadvantage when you have a hyposensitive, hyperactive child! :wall:

In our area the CAF coordinators are part of social services. I would suggest asking for the name of the overall head of their department (i.e. not the team leader) and writing something along the lines of:

After the CAF/TAF meeting of xx/xx/xx we were a hairsbreadth away from making a formal complaint about Mx XXX. It may be that we have unrealistic expectations of how a CAF Coordinator should behave but in view of our further experience with Mx XXX in the meeting of xx/xx/xx, we would be very grateful if it were possible for you to arrange for the role of CAF Coordinator be performed by someone else.

Which is not a formal complaint but makes it very clear that you feel that you have grounds to make one (certainly the case if they have not bothered to read your basic family history), that the behaviour wasn't an isolated incident and are giving them a chance to redeem themselves.

I really would also recommend getting Parent Partnership involved, it's what they're there for, use them. They'll know exactly who to complain to and might even make suggestions as to who to copy in...

esmy

Another recommendation for Parent Partnership - others have posted the link. I haven't used them myself but know others who have in a variety of situations and they have had nothing but praise for the support they received.
Good Luck

Birmingham78

I am also looking for some advice about CAF meetings.

Although I’m not married to my partner we are engaged and have been together for 5 years. Every weekend we look after both his sons whom I love very much and class as my sons also.

It became apparent of late that the boys mum had been attending CAF meetings at the school for their youngest son who is 9 years of age and basically using us as an excuse as to why the boys have been behaving badly at school.

After finding out this information we took it upon ourselves to write to the school in order to establish what is going on and to iron out any questions the school would like to ask us. Following our letter to the school we were invited to attend the next CAF meeting which we did but on the day their mum refused to show. At the meeting we were utterly shocked to find out the seriousness of their current issues and their father is gobsmacked as to why he hasn’t been previously informed!

We advised the school that we wanted very much to be involved and wanted to help out in any way we can.

However since the meeting their mum has advised us and the school that she will take the school and me to court if I am to attend any further meeting - the school has offered to hold separate meetings for myself and my partner, but their mum is still not happy about this and has threaten me with legal action if I am to step foot in the school.

Is anyone aware on the rules surrounding these types of issues with CAF meetings?

RAS

You really need your own thread - go to the index page and click on the new thread button.

However, at this stage it may be more important to get the children support than to engage in a row about whether you are allowed at the meetings?

So I recommend that your partner (the children's father?) attends all meetings in the short-term. Then he can raise the issue of your attendence.

If it come to court/social services involvement, they may ask CAFCASS to speak to all the adults involved and that would include you.

Frith

Funny to see this old thread again!

To cut a long story short, I wrote a very brief letter to the head of Children's Services at the County Council. (Very much along the lines of Daska's suggestion - just asking what form a CAF meeting should take).

Head of Children's Services phoned back within a day or 2 and spoke to me for 45 minutes about how she agreed separate meetings should take place when there had been domestic abuse within a marriage and how the CAF coordinator shouldn't have shouted me down in both meetings. She said the coordinator would receive further training and appointed me a new chap (I never had to meet him as events rather overtook us....)

School then ignored everything that was discussed in the 2 CAF meetings and ignored everything I said (no change there!) They grudgingly agreed to help apply for a statement for my son but filled their form in with one line answers.

They continued to exclude him temporarily for between 3-6 days at a time and he was for 7 months on a mornings only timetable anyway. The lowest point was when they made him go into school for a "reintegration meeting" which consisted of the head telling him off for quarter of an hour. He refused to look at her or answer any of her questions. (He has selective mutism and was in the middle of being diagnosed for possible autism....) He was then excluded for "not cooperating in his exclusion reintegration meeting" !

After 8 temporary exclusion and almost a year away from school, he was excluded permanently. He was hiding in the toilets after a meltdown and another boy went in and my son (allegedly) pushed him away. No investigation was done, nor incident form filled in. No one actually questioned my son as to whether he had done it or not, I was just phoned to take him home.

The day after this my OH decided to dump me by text, but that is neither here not there.

I got back on to the solicitor and my son was sent to a short stay school over 30 miles away. The commute has been up to 4 hours some days (he is still there, almost a year later!) It is the most fantastic school and they have never had a single problem with him. He has gone from a barely recordable level in reading to almost a level 4. :-)

This led to another shouty meeting (no shouting by me) where I appealed against his exclusion. This was back in December 2012. He had not quite got a statement then although the answer as to whether he would be entitled to one was due within days.

His exclusion was overturned! His previous school then had to pay for his transport to his short stay school.

Then he got a statement for full time 1 to 1 care. He was diagnosed with high functioning autism in April this year.

I didn't cut the long story very short! To conclude, next week he is spending 2 days in a local primary school's mainstream autism base and will start full time at the end of September. He is in yr 6 now and will have a review in October before a place is agreed at a local high school with a similar autism base for him to start there in 2014.

He is like a different child since leaving the first primary school. He joins in with things (swimming, abseiling!, loves a game of dungeons and dragons, geocaching) and talks at lengths to extended family members now where he would only give one word answers before.

mummyroysof3

Pleased to hear OP that your son is doing much better. I have had my son statemented recently and he starts at a special needs school soon but is only 4. The head of his current school where my 2 other children have attended made it quite clear before he even started that she didn't want him to attend there. It's not a good attitude for a head teacher to have is it?

FBaby

However since the meeting their mum has advised us and the school that she will take the school and me to court if I am to attend any further meeting

Sorry but I don't see why you should be there if the mother is not happy with this. You don't have parental authority so can't insist that you should attend. If you care about what happens, then surely your partner can tell you what was said. Why do YOU need to be there?

Step back and let both parents deal with parental issues. You loving these boys as if they were yours is irrelevant. You are NOT their parent.

Frith, very pleased to read your good news.