giving children freedom

Kimberley82

when did you start? How do you get the balance between letting them do their own thing and keeping them safe?

fluffnutter

It's a big question because there are so many freedoms in life that children need to learn at different stages.

Freedom to chose their own outfits Or freedom to go out and about on their own? If the latter, out and about where? To the local shop, walk to school on their own? A party?

Kimberley82

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's a big question because there are so many freedoms in life that children need to learn at different stages.

Freedom to chose their own outfits Or freedom to go out and about on their own? If the latter, out and about where? To the local shop, walk to school on their own? A party?

your right that was not clear, freedom to go out, to the shops, town etc x

fluffnutter

I think it depends on where you live - roads and whatnot, and how savvy and mature your child is. For example, my nephew was perfectly trusted to go to the local shop and back at about 9 or whatever, whereas my niece (who is now 10) can't be left on her own for two minutes without doing something scatty.

Do you have a child of a particular age and you're trying to get some advice or just fancied discussing the matter in general? If the former, if you give some details, we might be able to help with whether it's too early or not.

Spendless

For my eldest sending him to Beavers/Cubs/Scouts meant he learnt how to be independant whilst in a safe environment. Eg he camped in woods in tents, but in grounds belonging to the Scouting organisation and how to start, put out and cook on camp-fires, but always under supervision of adult or older leaders.

When it came to things like walking to and from shool. We live around the corner but across a road with no cosssing patrol. From the last 1/2 term of yr 4 he walked with friends, thru-out yr 5 alone and in yr 6 with his younger sister (then aged 7). Leaving home alone was built up from nipping to a corner shop from 9 3/4s to leaving for a few hours.

It was all built up gradually from being around 9years old.

bylromarha

Start age 1 and build up from there age and stage appropriate!

You're the best judge of when and what with your child as road sense may be excellent in one child and rubbish in another of the same age.

And listen to your friends - one mum I know was having kittens about her 15 year old going to the cinema alone with a mate - she was dropping off and picking up at the door. She was holding too close and sometimes a friend is the best to point it out to you as they know both you and the child.

fluffnutter

My mum said something interesting to me the other day (about the imminent birth of my own child). She said 'If you want to give them the best start in life, as hard as it is, you start teaching them self-reliance, resilience and independence right from the start'.

bylromarha's right. Start early (but appropriately of course). But it's far easier to encourage your child to do as much as they reasonably can themselves all through their life than decide at 15 or whatever that they can now go out on their own.

Ellejmorgan

I'm having the same issue myself DD is a very brilliant and sensible girl..

Started letting her get the bus home from school which is 1.5 miles, and i'm on the end of the phone to her incase bus doesn't show but other than that she doesn't go far...

She starts high school in sept and will be 12 on sept 4th, not sure when I could leave her in house or go to town etc...

I was catching trains at 13 so not sure how old she should be...

Hermia

fluffnutter wrote: »

My mum said something interesting to me the other day (about the imminent birth of my own child). She said 'If you want to give them the best start in life, as hard as it is, you start teaching them self-reliance, resilience and independence right from the start'.

bylromarha's right. Start early (but appropriately of course). But it's far easier to encourage your child to do as much as they reasonably can themselves all through their life than decide at 15 or whatever that they can now go out on their own.

I agree about it needing to be a gradual thing. I know a few teens who were wrapped in cotton wool and then went off to university at 18 and made stupid mistakes or couldn't cope at all because they were being thrown in the deep end.

balletshoes

I agree with everyone else, you know your child best.

My DD was 8 when she first wanted to, and I started letting her, walk home alone from school (15-minute walk on a bus route). Probably nearly 9 when I left her home alone while I went to the shops for no more than 30 minutes (or she went round to the corner shop for me). She's just turned 11, and she goes with her 12-year old cousin to the cinema, the leisure centre or the shops etc, in the town my sister lives in. They walk there or get dropped off, then walk home or get picked up, depending on what the weather's doing mainly.

She doesn't do any of those things in the city we live in yet, although I would trust her to do those things with her cousin or even one of her friends (but not another couple of them, they are way too giggly and silly still).

She will be home before me in the afternoons from high school before long I'd imagine.

fluffnutter

Hermia wrote: »

I agree about it needing to be a gradual thing. I know a few teens who were wrapped in cotton wool and then went off to university at 18 and made stupid mistakes or couldn't cope at all because they were being thrown in the deep end.

You can apply that to all sorts of things at all sorts of ages can't you? Take learning to feed yourself - that's a example of increasing independence.

My friend's little boy is five in a few months. She still feeds him (from the fork) every single bite of his food. She says he's her little boy and he likes it. No doubt he does but it makes me wonder whether the poor thing starves every day at school waiting for the dinner lady to perform this function for him .

There's loving your kids and then there's just being a bit silly....