Will our contribution be enough?

Almo

Hi there. Have read this thread with interest and would like to contribute my thoughts.

I made it through uni virtually unsupported by my parents, but as I was not classed as financially independent, I did not get the full loan. For various reasons I did not get a regular sum from my parents. What I did get was a big shop at the beginning of each term. In my first year, when I was in catered halls, this was smaller, but we were catered for 19 out of 21 meals, so my parents bought me soup, noodles etc. In my second and third years I lived with friends and this shop was always greatly appreciated. Other than that, I got nothing.

Your daughter, as she evidently realises, is very lucky that you are able to contribute. If you want to contribute, do by all means, but as others have said be aware that many people will be self funding, so she won’t be the only one with a job etc. I worked in all uni holidays, and term time in my second year and for half of my third year.

If it were me in your position (and obviously I’m not so feel free to ignore me) I would give her a lesser amount than £3000. In her first year she will not, unless she is doing Medicine or a handful of other degrees, be in uni 9 – 5. Her loan and what she manages to save over the summer will fund her for the first term without any problems. Its nice not to have to work for the first term so that you can make friends and don’t have to turn down club memberships etc because of your part time job. Unless she blows her loan, she should survive her first year easily in financial terms. I would step in at the end of this first year and give her the deposit for her second year house (this is where I and all my friends struggled as it needs to be paid before any of us got the first paycheck from our summer jobs). If you want to give her money, I would do so for the second and third years, with more in the third year than the second year.

There is method to the above ramblings – third year is harder in terms of work and uni commitments, so it is fair enough that you may not want her to work, although plenty do (I did and got a first). The second year she should definitely be able to work. Aside from the fact that it is beneficial to work for financial reasons, it will look much better on her CV for her to have held down a part time job and a degree. The real crux of my reasoning is that depending on her circumstances, she may actually need the bulk of any money you can give her immediately after graduating – if she needs to move cities, buy suits, attend interviews etc, she will need cash. I was broke when I graduated and had to put my career plans on hold until I had enough money to move to where I wanted to go. If you can help her out at this point, I would suggest this would be most beneficial.

Sorry this is so long, and not very coherent! Also, I hope it comes across as it is meant to – helpful rather than judgmental. Spend your money on what you want; if that is on your daughter, then fine. I just wanted to let you know my experiences.

Oldernotwiser

Alikay wrote: »

No, the decision is not financial, though that is a very definite bonus!! Our children all go to an inner-city comprehensive with huge social and ethnic diversity. Its a bit rough and has its problems, but the staff and management are brilliant, so on the whole the pupils do well...some very well indeed. Our DD has been very happy at the school.

That diversity was missing from Durham. I know they have overseas students but there was little home-grown diversity, particularly at the college she was accepted by (which wasn't the S/C one she'd applied to, and not a "hill college"). She felt it had a rather claustrophobic small-town feel to it, which had not been evident at the shorter pre-application trip whilst Birmingham seemed more vibrant and cosmopolitan.

She still wants to get straight A's at A level, because that's the kind of girl she is, and will do her very best wherever she goes. No university could ever be more demanding than our daughter is of herself! Birmingham is a Russell Group uni that does a vast amount of research, so hopefully school will accept her decision soon: their current disappointment that she won't be going to Durham is what's shaking her confidence in her own decision-making, not her mum and dad.

I think your suggestion that we lack belief in her is pretty outrageous and uncalled for: I simply asked for advice about financial contributions in this thread in advance of her 2 days in Durham, so she could go secure in the knowledge that if she wanted to study there, the funding would be adequate: NOT to have my parenting methods, or my DD's perceived spending habits ripped to pieces by people who have assumed far too much.

Thanks to all of you who've offered constructive advice, it was very helpful.

I'm sorry that you took my comments the wrong way, as I obviously took yours. I didn't mean to offend you or your daughter.

My response was aimed at your comment

"Also the higher entry requirement had us all worried that the academic standard would be much higher, so she'd have had to work much harder to keep up (so not a good idea to work if struggling) "

which I'm sure you can see could be read in the way I took it. You seemed to be saying that your daughter would be struggling with higher academic standards. I also thought that you were being unfair to your daughter's school, which seems to be encouraging her to aim for the higher goal.

I'm afraid that if you post queries on a public forum you'll get a wide range of responses, just as you would if you started a discussion in a social group. Very few people will simply answer the question you asked; it's not like consulting an encyclopaedia!

As I said before, I wish you and your daughter the very best and I'm glad her choice suits you all.

lellie

Almo wrote: »

There is method to the above ramblings – third year is harder in terms of work and uni commitments, so it is fair enough that you may not want her to work, although plenty do (I did and got a first). The second year she should definitely be able to work. Aside from the fact that it is beneficial to work for financial reasons, it will look much better on her CV for her to have held down a part time job and a degree. The real crux of my reasoning is that depending on her circumstances, she may actually need the bulk of any money you can give her immediately after graduating – if she needs to move cities, buy suits, attend interviews etc, she will need cash. I was broke when I graduated and had to put my career plans on hold until I had enough money to move to where I wanted to go. If you can help her out at this point, I would suggest this would be most beneficial.

This is very true. I'm in my final year and currently going through graduate job applications. I've spent a fortune in the last couple months on a new suit and transport and accommodation for interviews. Admittedly I will be able to claim back expenses for a lot of my transport costs - but I've had to pay for things up front and am waiting to claim it back - so money is tight at the moment. I've also had to work less due to my degree/job hunting. There are so many grad applicants that are applying as their full time job after completing their degrees - so it's hard to compete against them when they have more time to prepare for interviews and things. I will need more money if I eventually get a job because I won't have a loan to support me in the summer and I will probably be relocating. Although most grad schemes give you a bonus you don't get it until your first pay cheque - so I will be delving into savings to sort out my summer! That said I'm doing all this with only minimal help from my parents now - I have quite a bit that I managed to save during my first and second years from working (I even had 2 part time jobs during the first few months of my second year!) so I will be using that.

THIRZAH

DD1 went to Durham-graduated 3 years ago-and loved it. I seem to remember that her rent included all meals even lunch so she spent very little on food.Also because it is a small town she could walk everywhere so didn't have to pay fares. She lived out in her second year but could still walk to her department and they ran a night bus from the colleges into town so she could get home if she went to anything at college in that year.I can't remember how much we gave her a term-it was basically the difference between the amount of loan she got and a full loan. She managed to survive on that and her holiday earnings except for in her last year when they got less loan.

On the down side-she found the choice of veggie food avaliable in her college rather limited. They also were quite strict about students being out of their rooms on time on the last day of term.

DD2 graduated from a different uni last year. We gave her £1000 a term and she managed very well.

Savvy_Sue

I do think that different unis suit different people, and the school should realise this. I went to visit Durham and thought "Yes, this is it!" Don't remember being invited to go anywhere else ...

Collegiate Unis like Durham can become quite insular, and although my experience is not recent, my group of friends ranged from a miner's daughter on the full grant - yes it was that long ago! - and a stockbroker's daughter on nothing. I stood out as NOT being an Oxbridge or Exeter reject rather than for the slightly strange school I'd been to or my parental background.

But it wouldn't suit everyone, I know. Some of my friends' children have gone there very happily, my DS wouldn't consider it!

mhoc

We are also in a similar postition, right up against the parental income boundarys, only one income and two younger children. My daughter is a terrible spendthrift so rather than give her money we pay for her room rent and bills which works out at about £300 per month and we pay the landlord directly. That way we are least know she has a roof over her head. We also pay a medical insurance thing for her so she can get private dental work done, no NHS dentist around here.

If we just gave her the money her rent and bills would not be paid and she would be homeless by now.She has her student loan which is paid about every 16 weeks and she works in a pub part time and gets paid weekly so her money has to cover everything else including her mobile phone costs.

She has just started a call centre job which seems to be working out well and is planning to work over the summer which for her starts in early May. But you cant count on getting a job. She is in a city and in her shared house she is the only one working.

m