Feeling sad and can't quite believe it!

thorsoak

The weather today matches my mood precisely - unpredictably wet windy and cold.

This morning I had a phone call from someone I know slightly - to tell me that she has just found a very dear friend of both of us dead in bed.

This lady - who was in her early 60s, never married, lived on her own, never smoked, drank lightly, but who lived life to the full - was diagnosed with lung cancer in the middle of March and was undergoing chemo every 3 weeks. Another friend accompanied her to the hospital last Friday when she had her third treatment, the consultant was very encouraging, saying that there was a slight reduction in the size of the tumour and that they were on the right road (we all knew that the cancer that she has cannot be cured, but could be kept in check with the right chemo). She had a lovely day with this friend, who took her home, saw her inside her door. She phoned the next morning and spoke to her - said she wasn't too good, but hoped to feel better later. That was the last anyone heard from her - she didn't answer texts nor her phone when she felt rough, but would generally call back later. Nor would she answer the door if anyone knocked - so we all left texts and messages saying we were thinking of her.

I've been away and came back yesterday afternoon, and another mutual friend phoned and asked if I had heard from her - she'd often phone just one of us, and we'd let others know. I hadnt heard either. We were both discussing our concerns that she needed to let someone know if everything was alright when my mobile went - and I was told that she had died.

It seems so unfair - she was a lovely person - she'd lived with her mum and dad and looked after them until they died as well as having her own career. She loved meeting people and used her holidays as opportunities to make new friends. Someone who loved people so much, yet died alone - it just doesn't seem right.

raven83

thorsoak wrote: »

The weather today matches my mood precisely - unpredictably wet windy and cold.

This morning I had a phone call from someone I know slightly - to tell me that she has just found a very dear friend of both of us dead in bed.

This lady - who was in her early 60s, never married, lived on her own, never smoked, drank lightly, but who lived life to the full - was diagnosed with lung cancer in the middle of March and was undergoing chemo every 3 weeks. Another friend accompanied her to the hospital last Friday when she had her third treatment, the consultant was very encouraging, saying that there was a slight reduction in the size of the tumour and that they were on the right road (we all knew that the cancer that she has cannot be cured, but could be kept in check with the right chemo). She had a lovely day with this friend, who took her home, saw her inside her door. She phoned the next morning and spoke to her - said she wasn't too good, but hoped to feel better later. That was the last anyone heard from her - she didn't answer texts nor her phone when she felt rough, but would generally call back later. Nor would she answer the door if anyone knocked - so we all left texts and messages saying we were thinking of her.

I've been away and came back yesterday afternoon, and another mutual friend phoned and asked if I had heard from her - she'd often phone just one of us, and we'd let others know. I hadnt heard either. We were both discussing our concerns that she needed to let someone know if everything was alright when my mobile went - and I was told that she had died.

It seems so unfair - she was a lovely person - she'd lived with her mum and dad and looked after them until they died as well as having her own career. She loved meeting people and used her holidays as opportunities to make new friends. Someone who loved people so much, yet died alone - it just doesn't seem right.

That is such a sad story, i have got tears in my eyes. Sometimes things in life just don't seem right at all

pink68

Sadly cancer often takes away the people we feel least deserve to go. My mother had been a widow for many many years when she was diagnosed for the second time. She lived alone and had no desire to live any other way.

As her condition worsened and she had to be admitted to hospital her brother, my brother and I spent every spare minute we could with her. I left her one day when she was conscious and in good spirits, to collect my son from school. She died within the hour, I just made it back in time but sadly my brother didnt.

I think she just needed to be alone to let go.

Dont beat yourself up that you weren't there. You sound like you were a good friend to her. And I know its an old adage, but at least she's free from the pain now.

Pink
x

Slinky_Malinky

I am so sorry to hear you have lost your good friend. While it is sad that she died alone, I am sure as such a lovely lady she would not have wished to cause any of her friends the anguish of being there. She has left behind a legacy of love, friendship and memories that you will carry with you always.

davenport151

I believe that some people just prefer or choose to go when they are alone.
Please dont feel sorry for the fact your friend was alone.

loobylou2

I'm afraid there is nothing I can add to what other people have already said but just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.

supermezzo

My own take on these things is to go out and do whatever the deceased liked most - sort of a tribute as it were.
You say she liked to mix with people and she certainly seemed to have a good support in friends such as yourself. Why not all get together this evening and support each other?

Stephb1986_2

I'm sorry for your loss, I hope she died in her sleep and not in any pain I'd rather someone died in their sleep than died in pain

Thinking of you

Steph xx

whitewing

She knew you all loved her from the text and phone messages, so I am sure she felt you all around her.

My friend's dad let her brother pop home and died while he was gone. At the hospice they said this often happens.

I am sure she knew any one of you would have come over if she had wanted it. Make sure you give her a jolly good send off!

dottydee854

Didn't want to read and run, so sorry for your loss. xx

thorsoak

Thanks for all the messages - some of us are going out tomorrow evening (already been arranged) and we'll raise a glass or three to her, although it will be difficult as there will be others there who didn't know her - but at the beginning of July, all the girls are coming over to where I live (arranged by B a month ago) and we'll have a really good "B" day for her.