HELP: SOA indicated a shortfall but I can't see how? Must be why we're in debt!!!

mildred1978

catsense13 wrote: »

Well, I've just gone through May's bank statements and I'm quite pleased with our shopping bill - came in at £352 (average £88 a week) and this is including nappies, gifts, clothes for our son, etc. as I buy nearly everything from supermarkets for convenience. May's car fuel not so good at £207.50...

It's actually £81 per week. You're still using 4 weeks to among, which is wrong (there are 13 lots of 4 weeks in a year but only 12 calendar months).

katsu

catsense13 wrote: »

I know it seems like we spend a lot on gifts and I don't think things for a tenner look cheap, it's just you don't get a lot for your money these days

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If you want to clear your debts not increase them, then this (and your groceries) are the areas to change. Think about the lovely holiday you could have with your LO for say £600 if you cut your spending.

catsense13 wrote: »

It's personal opinion but I would never buy anyone a set of smellies as a main gift

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That is OK - there are lots of other things you can buy:
* Books - charity shops in good condition, supermarkets, bookshop sales etc
* Use your Tesco vouchers to give someone a magazine subscription as a gift
* do surveys for amazon vouchers and buy books/CDs/DVDs there - or look for new ones in Charity shops after christmas
* something unique or handmade like your LO making a picture of nana which you get put in a nice frame.
* look at the threads on hampers for example - some microwave popcorn and some cheap DVDs in a shoebox for movie night - or episodes of an old 80s show or chic flic movie and an 80s wine like lambrini for a girls night in?
* make something - you had the scarf photo posted - bake a cake for someone, say maybe a gluten free cake or "healthy" treat if they are watching their weight - give them a voucher to say you will come and make them a meal or take their kids out so they get a free weekend.
* make jewellery instead of buying it. Tell them you have got into this as a hobby and have gone to great effort to choose their birthstone etc (you might enjoy it too).

catsense13 wrote: »

My nephew really likes Jack Wills stuff so I got him a mobile phone sock and a notebook and pen - Didn't look much but cost me £15 from Ebay!

Did you have to get all these things in a pack together together or could you have just got him £10 worth?

catsense13 wrote: »

My father in law drinks whiskey but has made it clear only branded (managed to get some Grants for £11 from Asda for Father's Day) then with a card and some wrapping paper/bag I'm hard pushed to stick to my £10 per person budget. He got £20 from my sister in law and god knows how much from my brother in law coz it was so much he hid it quickly! Makes us look tight and ungrateful :-( I hate christmas too. My hubbies family spend loads just on special/personal gift bags and wrap, let alone gifts! And I've noticed if we give them something 'unsuitable or not equivalent' to theirs then they treat us the same.

My bold text added. This sounds to me like it is more about how you feel about how you need to look compared to the others. What would be the problem if you spent the least money out of everyone? What would really happen? Would they all stop speaking to you? If they spent less on you and you spent less on them you would be in less debt and have less random gifts - is that such a problem? Do they talk about Christmas the rest of the year round? Do you hang out with them all the time?

I try and get a few really good things for people and I rotate it. So if cousin Bill has a book from the CS for £1 and looks delighted, all is great. If he looks disappointed with it I try harder to get something else he might like the following year (maybe spending a little more on him and less on someone else). It is like kids exam results, I get a few As, then some Cs and the odd D. I am not aiming for 20 A* grades. I remember we want to have a big family celebration and buy gifts to show we are thinking of people, so I think of them - just not at full price . I don't remember what Bill got me for Christmas 5 yrs ago and unless it was a great pressie or one he thought was very odd, I doubt he remembers what I gave him either. Honestly, I think you can either open a debate with the rellies about this or decide to not get competitive. Would it matter if they pitied you even? DH and I are DF and that is worth so much to us. My peace of mind is worth CS shopping for Xmas gifts and occasionally giving a flat gift. You get flat gifts for £10+ too.

I really do feel sorry for you if this spoils the occasion for you, and makes you feel you have to do this. Make some changes - I did and I would never go back. No-one has stopped speaking to us and honestly, my DH and I go home and look at some of the £10 pressies and say things like "why does uncle freddie think I like drinking bourbon/wanted a remote control car/whatever" so I figure if they think "why does Katsu think I want to read about global climate change/play travel chess" then it is no different - except I have saved money in the exchange .

Start looking at things like homeware sales "I find silicone bakewear so much easier I got you a loaf tin" - it can be from JL, M&S or Lakeland that way. By the time Xmas comes it will be full price and they will never know - and what if they did?

All the best.