My neighbour's got Cancer

Boots888

My neighbour has cancer, he's going through treatment now, looks very ill and I don't know if he'll survive.

I don't want to intrude on their space and when I'm able I go to talk to the family just to say hello etc.

I find it difficult, though when my Mum was ill I know the worst was people staying away and not saying anything.

I've lost a loved one to Cancer and know that I should talk to my neighbour and / or the family and I have done, at times.

But it's not consistant as sometimes I'm afraid to go around there and say anything.

Gooday?? X

How are you? X

Lovely weather! = X

It's so important to him and his family that I / people communicate with them and I don't want to be inadequate as my friends, family, neighbours were when I was potentially losing my Mum and actually did go on to lose her.

They need support and hope and I don't know how to handle it.

jackomdj

"hello neighbour, thought I would come over and see how you are feeling TODAY. Is there anything I can do to help, I going to mow the lawn tomorrow, I can do yours at tge same time..."

One thing I regret is not spending time with our neighbour before she passed away. I would talk over the fence whilst she was still able to go into the garden.

Talk about the current day, it willmprobably open up a conversation for you.

Millie2008_2

You sound like a lovely neighbour, but I think your fears about not knowing what to say are very common in your circumstances. Please don't be afraid to go around there, I am sure they will appreciate a kind face. Maybe just start by saying "how are things?" or similar and go from there. As Jackomdj said, a simple offer of help might be appreciated (even if they say no, they will know that you have been thinking about them)

I think sometimes people get tied up with what to say/not say when people are in pain, but sometimes, the most comfort you can offer is to simply be there and sit with them and share the pain for a while. You don't need to say anything profound, they will know that you are "with" them

PasturesNew

When we went through this it'd have been nice if somebody knocked on the door and said "I'm popping up to XXX shop right now, can I get you anything?" and to offer to cut the lawn by saying "I've got time to cut your lawn later today - what time should I come back and do that?"

"If there's anything you want/need, just ask" is too open - and nobody will ask.

Make it clear what you are going to do, or can do - and when.

Work out what you can do for them - and do it. Don't ask them for suggestions... nobody likes to ask.

Also, find out about their hospital visit arrangements - do they both go, or one stay at home? If one stays at home, you could say you'll be round to keep them company until the sick one returns. Or, if they both go, you could offer to drive them, or accompany them.

davehills

Well, you have just proved that there are still decent people in the world and that community spirit lives!

It's going to be difficult maintaining the right balance; I'd start by having a chat, explaining that you understand some of what they are going through and that you are there should they need you.

As P/N says the occasional "I'm going to the shops" wouldn't go amiss either.

Just be there for them.

geoffky

When my sister was killed by a drunk driver i wish i had a pound for the times i saw people cross the road to avoid me...people dont do death very well in this country..
I learned a lot from that and i never just post a sympathy card but knock and go in if they want me to...

Mupette

I lost my lovely neighbour earlier this year, she told me Christmas eve she had lung cancer and tumors on the brain, i vowed to not stand back and stay away, so i continued my popping around, maybe a bit more, to offer help, she didn't want any, but a cuppa tea and some friendly chats.

i would pop around once a week as i knew her family were over every day and taking her to hospital and taking care of her,

one of the last times i saw her it wasn't pretty, we joked that the new hairstyle was so in (she had lost hair and decided to shave it all off)
the swollen belly and glances from me to her daughters the tell tell look of knowing it just wasn't water retention,

i told her i would see her the following week and was going to go around on the Sunday afternoon, but Sunday lunch time her granddaughter came around and the look on her face told me it was too late.

I miss her, her rhubarb (although her daughter gave us some a month or so back) she was the best friendlies neighbour i ever had,

Just be you as you are

pinksk8

I agree about knocking and asking if there is anything you can do, people in your neighbours situation are often avoided, if they dont need any help they know you have acknowledged the situation and are available to to help out, and if they do need anything, something which seems so small can have a huge impact on them.

Best of Luck x x