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childless couples and house/money/life
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We're in our 30's with no children. Good jobs and interesting lives. I don't not want children for any economic reason I just feel absolutely no desire to procreate (and neither does OH). I absolutely fail so see how this is selfish, I've never understood that point to be honest. And who cares if my parents hadn't wanted children? I'd never know that I wouldn't have existed would I?!
Yes, it is patronising that people think I'll change my mind (37 soon, it's doubtful) and I suppose it's possible I might regret it in years to come but if that happens I'll deal with it at the time. I certainly won't be having one just in case! That view is not as patronishing however as the one that the most worthwhile thing you can do with your life is raise a child into a decent adult. How dare anyone imply my life is worth less as I won't be doing this!0 -
It's not selfish at all to not have children. There are enough people who do want children to keep the country going. And having a child you didn't really want won't be good for them or you.We're in our 30's with no children. Good jobs and interesting lives. I don't not want children for any economic reason I just feel absolutely no desire to procreate (and neither does OH). I absolutely fail so see how this is selfish, I've never understood that point to be honest. And who cares if my parents hadn't wanted children? I'd never know that I wouldn't have existed would I?!
Yes, it is patronising that people think I'll change my mind (37 soon, it's doubtful) and I suppose it's possible I might regret it in years to come but if that happens I'll deal with it at the time. I certainly won't be having one just in case! That view is not as patronishing however as the one that the most worthwhile thing you can do with your life is raise a child into a decent adult. How dare anyone imply my life is worth less as I won't be doing this!
What is selfish is for childless people to whine about subsiding other peoples' children, while forgetting about the subsidy they received as a child, and the subsidy they will (usually) receive when a pensioner from those very children who they were whining about subsidising!0 -
Yes, it is patronising that people think I'll change my mind
Tell me about it.
Mrs McT has established a rather amusing retort to the endless questions interrogations as to when we'll be having one.
The conversation usually goes a bit like this....
Friend/family member/coworker - So when are you guys going to have a kid?
Mrs McT- I thought you knew. I can't have children.
Friend (now embarrassed)- Oh no, I'm sorry, why not?
Mrs McT - Because I can't stand the horrid little creatures!
That usually shuts them up.
“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie – deliberate, contrived, and dishonest – but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.
Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”
-- President John F. Kennedy”0 -
MacMickster wrote: »Children bring with them a change in lifestyle that is far more rewarding than can be easily explained on an internet forum.
They can cost as much or as little as you like to bring up, and the most valuable thing that you can ever give them is your time.
If you have the money then sending them to a good school is an option, but if not, you can turn a poor education into a good one yourself.
A day spent searching for creatures in rock pools at the beach, with a bag of chips at lunchtime keeps them entertained as much as a day at a theme park without the cost or the queues.
You can feel like stand-up comedian of the year, telling jokes that wouldn't even raise a groan in your local on a Friday night.
You will become the super hero who can beat every bad guy.
You will find that a bad day at work suddenly becomes a good day with as little as a single smile when you get home.
Few people will achieve greater things in their life than raising their children to become adults of whom they are proud.
top post batman!0 -
HAMISH_MCTAVISH wrote: »I'm of the opinion that you should start out with a houseplant, and if you can keep that alive then try a goldfish.
If that works then move up to a cat or dog.
And if you can get through a few years without accidentally killing any of the above, it's probably safe to try growing a child.
I never got past the houseplant stage....:o
Goodness knows how my children are still alive then....every houseplant I get, I somehow manage to kill! :rotfl:
The cats have survived though.....
Going back to topic, at one point, we didn't think we would ever have children after I had been told I was unable to conceive, so we lived the life and loved it. We loved the freedom to go to rock festivals without having to worry about childcare, going out to the pub etc.
That said, I have never regretted having my boys, they have completed my life in a way I never thought possible (I am not the most maternal of people) and although my social life is now zero, I don't think I would change it for the world.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
Being financially comfortable is a real luxury. My parents had to scrimp and save like hell to make ends meet when we (3 children) were young to give us the right start in life, and I feel very privileged in comparison. And very selfish at the same time, because I haven't had to make any sacrifices to my time either.Choosing not to have kids is fine, but the only issue is life is not a rehersal as they say, and if you suddenly decide in later life you do did want kids then it may have slipped you by...Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy
...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!0 -
Childcare bill for 2 kids under 5 = £18k/pa.
Not so much 'curtailing days out', more 'living like a tramp'. In holistic terms it's probably a good thing that more people are choosing not to have kids as the world isn't short of people, unfortunately the way the welfare system is set up it encourages the most useless people to have kids, whilst the most productive people can't afford them. A sort of reverse evolution.
My childcare bill for 3 children under the age of 7 = 0 (we worked opposite hours, so no outside childcare was needed - it was impossible to get anyway due to the care needs of the boys hence working opposite hours)
My childcare bill for 1 child aged 14 months = 3k pa! (1994 prices. I chose to work afternoons when hubby was also working...the childcare bill was only for 12 hours a week, friends looked after him the rest of the time)We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
I cannot help but think the world would be better if the people that could truly afford to have and raise children did, and those that have to rely on others to pay for their offspring remained childless.
Tend to think the same about fat, ugly people too.
But things can change, when we had the boys, we could afford to have them...don't think either us could see that things would go so horribly wrong 10 years down the line, we certainly never expected to have disabled children, you just think that happens to someone else, never you.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
VfM4meplse wrote: »Being financially comfortable is a real luxury.
Well, it is and it isn't.
You can be financially comfortable if you make certain decisions about your lifestyle, and you have a job. You don't need to earn a fortune, but you do have to know how to handle your money.
Having kids is certainly going to make being financially comfortable more difficult to achieve, you'll certainly have to earn a decent salary, and still be able to use that money wisely.30 Year Challenge : To be 30 years older. Equity : Don't know, don't care much. Savings : That's asking for ridicule.0
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