Back again - more whingeing and moaning. Sorry

Hootie19

Turtle wrote: »

I'm really sorry if this comes across as unhelpful, it's not meant to be but your husband is still being a bit economical with the truth. Raspberry Pi went on sale at 6am on 29 Feb 2012, there were 10,000 units that sold out in the first few minutes (there are only 2 UK distributors, they had 5,000 each). For those who weren't successful in securing one of the 10,000 they could then register an interest and were put in a queue. When you reached the front of the queue you got an invitation to buy one, my OH was one of those and he only got his this week (he ordered one from both companies and they came 2 days apart). It simply wasn't possible to organise to buy one in December. Just out of interest how much did he pay?

He paid £34.94. Could it be that he placed an order ahead of the February sale date but that he wasn't successful when they went on sale? I wonder if I maybe misunderstood what he said.

More likely that he's tried to lie his way out of it though. If he did order it in December, then it makes me feel even worse, because at that time I had stopped taking all my prescription medicines as I couldn't afford the prescription charges (at that time, I didn't know that pre-payment certificates could be paid for monthly) and was in a lot of pain from the rheumatoid arthritis.

dktreesea

Hootie19 wrote: »

I have looked online at this, and a 10 year (same term as remains on our mortgage) loan of £25,000 would cover the current debts of £23,950 and would cost £356.32 per month, against our current monthly payments to creditors of £737.17, thereby saving £380.85 per month.

I know consolidation loans secured against your house are generally frowned on. But £380 a month is a huge amount to be sacrificing to the banks every month. I think that is money well worth saving. At least it would give you a chance to breathe.

wannabee_in_credit

Sorry, I'm reading on the run... but is your husband getting any help at all with his mental health?
Simple fact is that if he can't or won't face up to the situation and if you love him and want to stay together then short term you will have to take over running of the finances and give him pocket money. Sometimes overspending is a symptom of mental health issues.
Get him to see a doctor, and take charge of the finances.
I may sound hard, but believe me I am dealing with the exact same situation with my OH. He suffers severe depression and has been off work since February. Our finances are very tight, but all of his money comes to me and he gets £100 a month to do what he wants with. It is like looking after a child, but I love him and want him to get better, so I'm doing what I have to in order to get us through this.
As others have said you can get permission to deal with his finances on his behalf (particularly if he is dealing with mental health issues). Get all lines of credit closed and then he'll have to deal with it because he won't be able to spend.
It's tough love and it's hard but it will be worth it if he's worth fighting for.

Hootie19

Thank you wannabee

Yes, he has seen our GP and is taking anti depressants. No mention has been made of counselling, or any treatment other than the tablets though. Not sure if that's the norm though.

I am going to try and get him to sign letters authorising me to speak to his creditors on his behalf, but with no ability to give them an end to any reduced payments, I am not optimistic.

sistafromanothermista

Hi, i haven't got anything to add to whats been said really i just wanted to let you know that we're all here to support if we can.
You seem to be going through it at the moment and i really feel for you :kisses3:

Stay strong and i'm sure you'll get through it one way or another. There are people on here that will offer you great advice financially .
Just wanted to wish you all the luck on this journey.

Hootie19

Hootie19 wrote: »

I had been getting him to fill up his car using his debit card, rather than his Smile credit card, as I wanted to get that reduced as much as possible. However, when I checked his statement online, I was absolutely enraged to see that he has bought a Raspberry Pi (http://www.raspberrypi.org/faqs ). He had been raving about these for ages last year. I asked him why he had bought one (thinking it may have been something they would need for work) and he said “because they are cool”. He said that he hadn’t got it yet, just that he had pre-ordered it. I said that the payment had been taken from his credit card, and he said that he ordered it in December, as he didn’t think at the time that “this situation would go on for this long” (bearing in mind that it HAD been going on for six months by that time). I didn’t even have the energy to argue with him. I said that it would have to be returned for a refund, but realistically, I know this will never happen.

Sigh - as I predicted. The Raspberry Pi has arrived. I found this out when I walked into the room to find my husband setting it up. I said "I thought I told you that had to go back"?.

He said "I'm only seeing if it works".

I said "What does it matter if it works or not, if you're sending it back".

Unfortunately, I lost the plot and had a major go at him. He still maintains that he going to send it back. He may believe his own nonsense. I don't.

During my tirade, I asked if he'd spoken to Barclaycard. He said no, but that he will do. I said that he had just had a week off work, so why didn't he call them when he had nothing to do, given that his usual excuse is that he's too busy at work to call.

No response.

Same with his Mastercard and his bank. "I will do".

I have told him that he has until next weekend to show me that he actually WILL do something, otherwise I will be putting everything in writing to his mother and asking her for help, because I am at the end of my tether and cannot continue shouldering all the responsibility myself.

Whether I actually will involve his mother, I don't know. She's in her 80s and I don't really think she'll want to hear. But if it's a last resort - well I am struggling to see what else I can do.

925pws

I'm sorry this is still so stressful for you.

Listen, it appears your OH isn't going to phone them, if you are happy (I use that term loosely) to deal with the finances, type up a letter now telling his creditors he is giving you full authority to speak to them on his behalf, push it in his lap, hand him a pen and get him to sign it. Then you can send it to his creditors recorded delivery and hopefully by next week you will have the authority to speak to them yourself.

Unfortunately I don't think it will move forward until you have 100% control and this is the only way I can think of doing it which is less stressful for you.

Keep us informed. Good luck.

katsu

Can you ring them with him in the room (tell him first he only has to go through security/confirm you can speak to them)? You explain the purpose of the call, sit on hold where necessary and he just does the bits for them so you can then start to discuss options? if you have a cordless phone you can tell him you will walk away and only come to him for the security/permission so he doesn't have to listen in.

Has his work (or yours) got an employee assistance programme? They generally offer face to face or phone counselling - you can call HR for the details. That could help either by helping you with some support to deal with him, or for him to get some help not just the drugs from the GP.


The secured loan will only help if you can stop him spending. Without that, he will just fritter away the "spare" income and you risk ending up in the same position in future, but with more debt. At least with a DMP impacting your credit rating for 6yrs it reduces the debt you can get into in that time!

Very sorry for you both; sounds like you must both be very unhappy. All the best.

Growurown

I'm with 925pws here. I think you have to take control here. It seems unfair to involve his mother, its not really her problem. It is unfair on you too, but needs must and he doesn't/won't/can't sort it himself then you will have too, unless you are willing to let this situation go onto its natural conclusion of him defaulting on the debts and all that involves.

Barbeduk

Sounds pathetic but I do that ringing them up thing, hand the phone to DH for security, then handle the rest of the call myself. I've had depression in the past and can 100% promise you that he will not call them. It's hard to explain why, but it just messes with your brain so much and you can't handle any form of responsibility.

He's hiding from it all by continuing with spending. So you're going to have to remove his cards and give him his pocket money. Awful, but the only way you'll stop him.