A Timely Warning.....plan for your funeral!

MrsFluffball

My husband and I (aged 42 and 41) were busy pootling through life just 2 weeks ago....we dont have a lot (with 5 kids and a zoo worth of pets, and a whole host of past debts on a debt management plan) but life was ok and we managed.

12 days ago we got a phone call from hubbys older brother (K) to say that his other brother M (K's twin) was in hospital and not expected to make it (long story but M, who suffered from cerebral palsy, but was of totally sound mind, decided on a whim, 20 years ago to leave home and strike out on his own and be independant, as he had tired of being cossetted by his mum and his twin bro.....it caused a lot of bad feeling and as such he chose to cut himself off from the family for the last 20 years, only seeing them very infrequently)

K had only found out that morning that M had been in hospital for a month and not allowed his carer to tell any of the family.

Later that same day M died, and then the nightmare began.

We found out on going through M's belongings that he had literally £3 in the bank, no life insurance and no funeral plan (having told his carer that he wasnt forking out for life insurance, and that he was waiting to be old enough for the cheap over 50 funeral plans!)

He had no assets, except a large dvd collection, a cooker, a chest freezer, a leather couch and some gold jewellery.

On contact with the funeral director, my hubby, his brother (K) and his sister (P) discovered that the cheapest, barest minimum funeral would cost £2900 (basic coffin, hearse only, funeral directors fees, crem fees, plus hospital disbursements, and a basic urn - this didnt include a family car or internment of his ashes)

The funeral director explained that, in the past, they would have waited for their money, not chasing familes for payment at such a sad and stressful time, but that now their policy was that £800 MUST be paid up front, due to being shafted so many times by people not paying the bill when it was due. My mother in law (as M's legal next of kin) has had to borrow this off her son in laws parents, in order to be able to pay it.

His mum who is a pensioner on basic state pension, has been told she is able to apply for the grant from the social fund, which will take a few weeks, but is only UP TO £1800, leaving a shortfall of £1100, which WE have had to try and find.

Hubbys mum only had £100 to put into the pot, we have managed to get just £250 from selling the only assets M had, his sister has had to cash in some gold jewellery, his brother has had to put in some of their kids savings, plusa tax credit rebate that was earmarked for the family camping holiday and my hubby and I have worked extra shifts at our jobs to raise some more money. My 9 year old even put in his pocket money.

My mother in law has had to go round cap in hand to her sisters for donations (and as you can imagine, that was VERY hard for a 70 year old to do, as they are a very proud generation), and I am a member of a reptile related chat forum, who as I type, have organised an auction amonst themsleves selling their OWN stuff, to raise money for me (whom they have never met, just chatted to online) to put into the pot for the funeral.

It has been such a stressful 12 days to date, and the funeral, having been yesterday, was able to take place, and we gave him a fitting send off, with no-one any the wiser about the traumas that have beset us.

we have 4 weeks to find the rest of the money, so are in the process of planning a car boot sale to see what else we can raise.....so wish us luck!

The whole unexpected situation has brought it home to hubby and I, that we have no life imsurance or funeral plans, as with a lot of people managing debts, its always been one of those 'payments' that you put on the back burner, or cancel in order to channel the money on to more pressing debts, and that, god forbid, should the worse happen and one or both of us passes, that the same situation would befall the remaining spouse or even worse, our eldest son, who is just 18 years old.

We shall be looking into life insurance on monday, and getting it as soon as we can, so that our children will be free of the worry that we have had this past week or so.

So I URGE everyone who has family to please PLEASE think about making sure you have life insurance, and over 50 plan or a pre-paid funeral plan, as my errant brother in law, who was so keen to 'hold out' till the cheaper over 50 plans came into play, unfortunately didnt even make it to his 50th birthday.

Your loved ones will be having such a tough time of it anyway, without having to worry (or indeed panic) as to where the money to dispose of you is coming from, or to sell their own belongings in order to pay for your funeral.


thanks for reading, and Im sorry for the long post, but i think its an important lesson for all.

j.e.j.

Take a look at this link, there may be resources available for people who have no money to pay for a relative's funeral:
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/WhatToDoAfterADeath/DG_066724

averagemummy

What a distressing time you have had, sorry to hear your tale but thank you for sharing.

What happens to those who don't even have any relations to foot the bill then?

j.e.j.

I seem to remember a programme on tv where this had happened, and the council paid for just a very basic funeral.

[Btw I've had a quick look but I can't find any boards/forums on this site which deal with plans for pre-paying funeral costs (?) Maybe I'm not looking in the right place?]

sassyblue

MrsFluffball wrote: »

and I am a member of a reptile related chat forum, who as I type, have organised an auction amonst themsleves selling their OWN stuff, to raise money for me (whom they have never met, just chatted to online) to put into the pot for the funeral.

Sorry for your loss and all the worry that's gone with it love the story of the people above though. :T

Hope you can all manage to clear the remainder very soon. xx

carolan78

I would have looked at other funeral directors that sounds an awful lot we paid just a little under that and it included a family car, internment of the ashes and family flowers saying mum and nanna.

murphydog999

I agree with your sentiments, and would also add the importance of a will - money rich or not. I would also agree with Carolan above that doesn't seem a lot for the money. My FIL died recently and I know with 4 cars and all of the above it was just less than £3000.

anguk

We ended up in a similar position to you when my BIL died, he'd never married or had kids and he had no savings or assets at all. The funeral costs came to just under £2000 and that was with no cars other than the hearse, no flowers etc.

My husband was his next of kin, his sister doesn't have any money so we became responsible for the funeral. Luckily we found a very understanding local funeral director who took a deposit and we paid the rest off at £50 a month. It took quite a while for it all to be paid off!

After that I made sure I had adequate insurance because I'd hate to think that someone else has to struggle to pay for my funeral.

duchy

I had a similar experience as this week we buried a good friend and neighbour aged 41. Her husband asked me to help him with the arrangements and said he had an appointment at our nearest funeral directors. I already knew roughly what arrangements he wanted so before the appointment rang our local Co-op funeral directors who I had visited before as a mystery shopper/auditor and had liked the people working there and got a quote. The first place was much more expensive for exactly the same thing -and also they wanted 50% up front -the Co-op wanted £800. The £800 is for the disembursements eg all the fees payable in advance like crem fees, doctor fees,celebrant etc -the balance is for the actual services offered by the FD so most places will ask for at least the £800 up front.

Even the most avid MSEer can baulk at shopping on price for a funeral but there is a vast difference between different funeral directors for the exact same services. I persuaded my friend to visit the Co-op too -He really had little choice as he didn't have the 50% available up front but thankfully could scrape up the £800 before the life insurance paid up. I actually felt the lovely lady at the Co-op was far nicer and more empathic than the more expensive place-and more experienced (Thank you Sheren if you read this) so cost wasn't getting anything "better".

Like the OP it has made me think about making arrangements in advance to avoid causing my family distress and stress over money at an already difficult time. The mystery shop visits were actually about pre-paying a funeral -and it strikes me that if you do it yourself you get what you'd like and can made those difficult decisions-for example I'd be horrified at family paying for an expensive coffin as I believe the soul/spirit leaves the body at the time of death so a funeral is merely a respectful disposal of the remains and I wouldn't want anyone paying for extras whereas I'm aware that at the time of a loss people often feel they want to do the "best" for their loved one and that translates into spending more money often eg "Oh i couldn't put Mum into a cheap coffin" versus "Well it's going to be cremated so why spend more" schools of thought. Also from an MSE viewpoint -if you prepay your funeral -even if costs go up -which they have done every year-you've fixed the price even if you last another twenty years or more ! It also saves family rows if family disagree over what is best as you've left instructions !!

OP there is a death grant you can apply for -it won't cover the cost but will be something towards it and quite frankly if you can't find all the money -pay what you can and offer an instalment plan. They'll accept it because 1 They have no choice and 2 No court is going to make you pay more than you can afford in such circumstances and no funeral director would want the bad publicity.