Worried nana to be.

cobbingstones

Hello

My son 23 told me a couple of days ago that I am to be a nana I'm delighted but have worries and I would appreciate your opinions.

Firstly I haven't met his girlfriend yet. They have been together about five months and have had a break up in that time. Since then, they have worked on their differences and they seem to be ok.

His girlfriend from our discussions seems to have a temper on her and I'm quite the opposite. Her parents seem to be very supportive and have offered to convert their house to accommodate them for when the baby is born. I have advised my son against this. I feel it's very important to have your own space, but appreciate having somewhere near to her parents would be a good idea.

Because they are not married, does this change his rights if they where to separate? I assume all going well he will be on the birth certificate.

I am so scared that I will have a beautiful grandchild and they may spilt up and I will have no contact. Scary. Of course this may not happen, and I pray that it won't.

Both of them are in low paid jobs and will find getting somewhere together difficult. I feel it's important to live together first so you can appreciate each others good and bad bits before the child arrives.

I know this isn't the best way for a child to be conceived, but they are both beyond happy. I know they will try their hardest.
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BitterAndTwisted

I think her parents have made a very generous offer, and not one I would disregard out of hand. Still, it's up to them to sort out what they want and what they're going to do. The best thing you can do is to offer advice when you're asked for it and your opinion only when really pressed. Then, meet his girlfriend and the mother of his child asap

January20

I agree with you OP that although the parents' offer is generous, it would be better for your son and his girlfriend to get their own place. If their relationship is volatile because of her temper, the last thing they need is the possible interference of her parents, causing unwanted friction!

Other than that, don't worry. It may all work out very well. Make sure your son knows he has to get his name on the birth certificate so he gets parental responsibility and enjoy your grandchild when he/ she arrives

SqueekyMouse

Since they're not married, your son must get his name on the birth certificate to get parental responsibly. Make sure he goes along with his g/f to register the birth.

It sounds like you're being very supportive of your son, just be careful to gently offer advice without it coming across as interference. I agree with you that a young couple need space apart to learn to live with each other, however I wouldn't advise them to completely dismiss the very kind offer of a home at her parents house. I'm sure their relationship will be under significant stress with the arrival of their baby which they can't yet understand or anticipate. The added financial stress of putting a roof over their heads if they go it alone might be a step too far. It really depends on the personalities and dynamics of your son, his g/f and her parents.

If you are concerned about their future my advice would be to meet the g/f sharpish and build a strong relationship with her, so should the worst happen she'll still want you to be involved in the baby's life, because sadly grandparents don't have a legal right of access.

All the very best x

VfM4meplse

^^^^ Excellent advice

belfastgirl23

Hard to do but I'd be very very wary about offering any advice at all at this stage. You haven't met your potential DIL yet so all she knows about you is what your son tells her. And at this stage what he's telling her is that you're putting the kybosh on her plans. I know this isn't at all your intention and you're obviously focused on your son (and rightly so) but I would say as little as possible in your shoes. And as the others say, meet her asap!!

fluffnutter

Some sound advice already that I'd have posted myself but just to add... despite their obviously volatile relationship and the fact that your son's still quite young, he's clearly stepping up to the mark and wants to be an involved and positive force in his baby's life.

I think that's wonderful and to be praised and encouraged further. Hopefully even if they don't stay together (just trying to be realistic here) he'll have established enough of a bond with his child to continue playing a full part in his or her life. That way it will be far easier for you to have ties with your grandchild that will transcend any hiccups the relationship might fall prey to in the future.

Kids need as much loving family as they can get, regardless of whether their mum and dad are together. Congratulations and enjoy your lovely new grandchild

mrcow

It's hard, but you need to be very careful about making sure you keep your opinions to yourself. Interference is not going to be welcome, even if it is well intended.

They are adults, and can make their own judgement on where they want to live. Stirring it up is only ever going to cause harm.