ex refusing to take maintainence payments

johnnyl

Mojisola wrote: »

It may be okay for now but the break-up is very recent. Think a few years down the line - maybe you will meet someone else, maybe even have another child - don't over commit yourself now at the risk of your future. What will happen if your ex moves a new partner into the house that you're still paying for?

It's not good for her to be financially dependent on you for the roof over her head.

After a break-up children's lives will be different. You can't run two households on the same money as one. You need somewhere to live so that the children can spend time with you. If you're going to separate, you have to start to cut the ties.

but this is the problem, we have 4 kids and she doesnt work. So what she doesnt earn will be picked up by the state, or my kids will go without. I refuse to believe that I can "get away with" only paying 600 CM despite being on 2500 per month. Is the state really going to pick up my tab while I then have 1900 to live a single mans lifestyle on?
Im just trying to be realistic here....I know I may be wrong on the figures.

johnnyl

Mojisola wrote: »

It may be okay for now but the break-up is very recent. Think a few years down the line - maybe you will meet someone else, maybe even have another child -.

Once is a mistake, twice is stupid. I wont be falling for that scam again.

clearingout

if you have 4 children and she doesn't work, she will be on a fair whack of money from the State, yes. When I was on Income Support with 3 children, my cash in hand was approx £1,000 a month, no Council Tax to pay and if you have rent, no rent to pay either. She will get free school meals and for any child under 4, £3.10 a week to spend of fruit, veg and milk, free prescriptions etc.. With your £600 on top will probably make you around even - only you'll have rent and council tax to pay.

if your children are all over 5, she will be forced onto JSA and expected to work - this might be problematic for her if all 4 of your children require childcare (are they primary age) and she is only likely to earn minimum wage as ultimately, the cost of childcare could be more than what she earns, even with the tax credits picking up 70% of the cost.

As someone who doesn't receive any maintenance from her ex and as a person with an expectation that my children have a decent standard of living regardless of what has gone on between their parents, it is great to see a dad who is trying to put his children first. Having said that, there is a need to be realistic and think of your own future at the same time - paying what the CSA say with a view to contributing more at expensive times (school uniform time, for example) as well as being open to taking them for a haircut every now and again would be about perfect from where I stand!

Marisco

johnnyl wrote: »

but this is the problem, we have 4 kids and she doesnt work. So what she doesnt earn will be picked up by the state, or my kids will go without. I refuse to believe that I can "get away with" only paying 600 CM despite being on 2500 per month. Is the state really going to pick up my tab while I then have 1900 to live a single mans lifestyle on?
Im just trying to be realistic here....I know I may be wrong on the figures.

But did you not say (or have I misunderstood?) that you will also be paying £300pm for half the mortgage? That's £900 pm, a good whack by anyones' standard!! And you will have to finance somewhere for yourself and all your bills as well, and with 4 kids it will have to be at least a 3 bed property, unless they are all the same sex. So that £2500 is not looking so good now!! As Clearingout says, you have to be realistic with yourself. Your ex can claim CB, CTC, CT etc, and with your CM, she'll probably end up being better off than you!!:eek:

Mojisola

I think perhaps your ex is getting better advice than you are.

You are doing the honourable thing and want to make sure your children don't suffer financially but what you'll be doing to putting money into her hands - you don't have any say on how it's spent. It also won't stop her claiming all the benefits she's entitled to on top of what she gets from the divorce and your CM.

Do get some legal advice but it might be better to give the CSA amount in CM and then pay directly for the children's clubs, etc.

You must look ahead to your future. You may not get into another relationship but you do need a home big enough to have the children to stay overnight.

johnnyl

cheers all

Mojisola

clearingout wrote: »

if you have 4 children and she doesn't work, she will be on a fair whack of money from the State

johnny - you can do a calculation of what she may be entitled on one of the benefit calculator sites like https://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

johnnyl

ive done it....its a hell of a lot

I am trying to pay but she wants nothing. It is possible that she is just claiming eveything and doesnt need my cash.

As a question, morals and ethics aside. What are the implications of me just not paying? Ive asked her what she wants and it is nothing. Could I just sit on this cash until the times comes for a formal separation involve the CSA then go for the divorce?

I was under the impression that if she claims certain benefits then these will want to know who the father is and that they will then track down and involve the CSA anyway. Is this how it works?

Sorry all for harrassing you.

Mojisola

johnnyl wrote: »

Ive asked her what she wants and it is nothing. Could I just sit on this cash until the times comes for a formal separation involve the CSA then go for the divorce?

In case she's playing some kind of game with the intention of causing you problems, I would put the CSA amount in a savings account.

If she genuinely doesn't want money from you, you can save it for the children to have at some later date.

clearingout

johnnyl wrote: »

ive done it....its a hell of a lot

I am trying to pay but she wants nothing. It is possible that she is just claiming eveything and doesnt need my cash.

As a question, morals and ethics aside. What are the implications of me just not paying? Ive asked her what she wants and it is nothing. Could I just sit on this cash until the times comes for a formal separation involve the CSA then go for the divorce?

I was under the impression that if she claims certain benefits then these will want to know who the father is and that they will then track down and involve the CSA anyway. Is this how it works?

Sorry all for harrassing you.

no, there is no need for her to tell anyone who the father of her children are, nor is there any need for her to take maintenance from you. The days of tracking down fathers are gone!

the alternative is to open a case with the CSA yourself but if she doesn't want the money, I suspect even that will be a dead end for you as they can't force her to take the money.