My dad's birthday

killerpeaty

Hi there,
I lurk a lot but I know what a nice community this is so I'd like to ask advice.
Unfortunately my dad went into a coma November last year, which we were told that he would never recover due to the type of stroke and excessive bleeding caused. This Saturday is his birthday but also my last exam of my entire degree. I have an interview the next day (it's a company associated with the university so have chosen the Sunday to avoid clashing with exams) so I can't go home to be with my mum that day.
What should I do? Do I get him a card? My mum said no but my sister said yes. I need to revise but this is really bothering me so if any of you could give me instructions to what is considered "right" in this situation, that would be amazing.
Thanks.

Tropez

What should be considered right is what you think is right.

If you think you should get him a card, then get him one. If you're concern is about upsetting your mother, then assuming where he is currently is okay with it you could perhaps get some flowers for his bedside?

victor2

Send a card. I'm sure it will be displayed near him and your Mum will appreciate it, even if she said not to.
I spent one Christmas day in a coma. The nurses gave little presents, telling my OH to open them as obviously I couldn't. Just a few toiletries but OH appreciated it and made sure they were used on me.
Best of luck.

newcook

get him a card and drop in in after your exam so you can tell him how it went and how you hope your interveiw will go the following day.

while he may not be able to answer you back, no-one can tell you he cant hear you.

without sounding too heartless, this may be the last birthday that your dad has - you will only kick yourself for many years to come if you dont go and see him and take him a card x

Rockporkchop

Sorry to hear about your dad. I have been in a similar predicament myself and chose to send a recordable voice card where I recorded a message from myself. I figured that there was no way they would be able to read a card but there might be a very slim chance they could hear my message on the day. I got a couple actually, one was £6 from Clintons and the other was via Moonpig, I think it was called Voice It or something like that.

All the best to you and I hope your exam and interview go well.

killerpeaty

I would like to see him, but I am approximately 3 hours travel away and have fibromyalgia. Travelling like that after an exam will at best make me very ill, at worst will end up with me in hospital myself.
I'm mostly just worried about my mum.

tea_lover

What a horrible situation to be in. Is your sister going to be with your mum? Or will she have other family/friends with her?

FWIW, I'd send a card anyway. Focus on the exam and the interview - obviously I don't know your family but I would imagine they'll want you to put your health and your education first here. You could call your mum on saturday evening after the exam.

Are you free to go home for a bit after the interview as this will be your last exam?

Hope it all goes ok for you, take care.

Sezzagirl

I was going to suggest some sort of recorded card with your voice one and maybe make up a cd of his vavourite music

Sounds like your Mum needs the flowers!

Wishing you all the best in what is a very difficult situation

Brighton_belle

Certainly don't go - I am sure your mum understands why you are not coming and your dad, if he is anything like mine would much much prefer you take care of yourself and do well in your exams and interview. Yes it might be his last birthday,it might not, but birthdays only have the significance we choose to give them, they are not sacred. He'll have other visitors on his birthday - perhaps more than usual, so that means when you are able to go, he has you there when he might not have otherwise done, if you had gone in his birthday.

If it is your mum you are worried about and she said no to a card, then if that is ok for you ,don't send one. You know your mum well enough to know if when she says no, that is what she means. My own mum for example would have not been bothered about a card being sent. But if it would make you feel better, send one.
Well done for coping with Fibro and your finals on top of your dad being so very poorly. That's a tough call.

bright_side

Most definately send your Dad a card, I don't think it would be right not to (just my opinion though!). My Dad passed away 2 weeks before his birthday and was at the funeral home for his birthday, but we still took cards. He was still 'here' so it didn't feel right not to.

londonsurrey

I'm concerned about why your mothers said no. If she said it because it would upset her, then I wouldn't send it, as I would consider her needs and wishes to be paramount. I'm sure your dad wouldn't want her upset either.

If she's concerned about the cost to you, then it's entirely up to you as to whether you spend your money!

How about a call to her, so you can support each other on this day, and if possible, have the phone held up to your dad so that you can talk to him for a bit?