These long distance relationships aren't much fun, are they?

Tropez

tea_lover wrote: »

Aww.... it's horrible isn't it? A year seems like ages at the start of it.

Is there anything you've wanted to do that you haven't really had time for before? Maybe an evening course? Or a new hobby? You could have a goal for the end of the 12 months to have passed a course, or learnt the guitar, or taken up upholstery... or something like that lol.

It does seem like a while but I've been reminding myself this time last year I was 27 and that doesn't seem so long ago!

I have thought about doing something. I registered on an OU course but that doesn't start until October, so I'll have to find other ways to amuse myself. I already play the guitar but I suppose I could learn something else, like bass, or piano, or drums... yes, drums, she'd be delighted coming back home to that... :rotfl:

So and forgive me if I'm being too nosey, but from your post it sounds like you've been in a similar situation? How did you find it all? If you don't mind me asking, of course.

Igottawii!!

I met my husband in the UK when he was here, a few months later his visa expired and he had to return to but we thought he'd be able to reapply for another visa a few months later - he was refused.
I had ties here and couldn't follow him although he had a job and somewhere for us to live etc, it just wasn't possible.
I thought what if he's The One and we never get to be together to find out?! We had no internet/email/skype then and phone calls were approx £1 per minute so happened once a week, if that, and were brief!
I wrote every day (him not quite so frequently ) and eventually we made the decision that I would go out and marry him so he could return for us to be together (cue everyone saying 'He's only marrying you for a visa blah blah')
I went for 8 days (all I could be absent for) after he'd been gone 10 months, married him on the Weds flew home on the Fri cried my eyes out all the way (12 hours plus!) cause I didn't know when I'd next see him.
Had to take it to appeal for him to be allowed back, took a further 20 months (:eek:) before he was granted his visa then FINALLY after 30 months having seen him once for 8 days in all that time he came back.
We have now been married nearly 20 years so I think I can safely assume it wasn't just the visa he wanted!

Tropez, all I can say is my friends were very supportive in my case although it is a bit different from yours and keeping busy did help and now it all seems like (is!!) a distant memory
All best

Tropez

Igottawii!! wrote: »

I met my husband in the UK when he was here, a few months later his visa expired and he had to return to South America but we thought he'd be able to reapply for another visa a few months later - he was refused.
I had ties here and couldn't follow him although he had a job and somewhere for us to live etc, it just wasn't possible.
I thought what if he's The One and we never get to be together to find out?! We had no internet/email/skype then and phone calls were approx £1 per minute so happened once a week, if that, and were brief!
I wrote every day (him not quite so frequently ) and eventually we made the decision that I would go out and marry him so he could return for us to be together (cue everyone saying 'He's only marrying you for a visa blah blah')
I went for 8 days (all I could be absent for) after he'd been gone 10 months, married him on the Weds flew home on the Fri cried my eyes out all the way (12 hours plus!) cause I didn't know when I'd next see him.
Had to take it to appeal for him to be allowed back, took a further 20 months (:eek:) before he was granted his visa then FINALLY after 30 months having seen him once for 8 days in all that time he came back.
We have now been married nearly 20 years so I think I can safely assume it wasn't just the visa he wanted!

Tropez, all I can say is my friends were very supportive in my case although it is a bit different from yours and keeping busy did help and now it all seems like (is!!) a distant memory
All best

Aw, what a great story and it's great to hear it all eventually worked out well for you I think I'd be a wreck after going through all that!

angelil

It's true they suck. But just to let you know they can end happily! I was in an LDR for 3.5 years (England-France, so hardly the same distance, but still), which sometimes saw us visiting each other every 2 weeks and at other times 'only' every 8 weeks. BUT at the end of the 3.5 years we moved in together. A year later we got engaged. And then nearly two years later we got married. And now here we are having celebrated our first wedding anniversary So if you're both prepared to put the effort in you will reap the reward.

And send her those jokes! Even if it is 2.00am her end. She will get it when she wakes up and it will be a brill start to her day. I know I always appreciated little things like that...and you can't ignore the little things, it's the little things that make up life [/hankscorpio]

Tropez

angelil wrote: »

It's true they suck. But just to let you know they can end happily! I was in an LDR for 3.5 years (England-France, so hardly the same distance, but still), which sometimes saw us visiting each other every 2 weeks and at other times 'only' every 8 weeks. BUT at the end of the 3.5 years we moved in together. A year later we got engaged. And then nearly two years later we got married. And now here we are having celebrated our first wedding anniversary So if you're both prepared to put the effort in you will reap the reward.

And send her those jokes! Even if it is 2.00am her end. She will get it when she wakes up and it will be a brill start to her day. I know I always appreciated little things like that...and you can't ignore the little things, it's the little things that make up life [/hankscorpio]

Ah, an admirer of Hank Scorpio! He should have had his own show.

I think for me it is just rather strange. We've been together for several years now and living together for about 2 years so to go from seeing each other every day to not even speaking to each other every day is quite an adjustment.

At least I have Euro 2012 to keep me occupied for a bit!

And congratulations on your first anniversay!

pmlindyloo

I am in my old fashioned 'mood' at the moment but have you thought about writing to her?

Before emails, skype etc etc this is how we all kept in touch.

Somehow an email just isn't the same.

In years to come, being able to look at letters (tied with a ribbon!) is truly wonderful. I am sure your partner would love it.

During my college years I spent many hours composing letters to my loved ones (sorry, am going all silly!) You can really go to town in a letter and put into words all the things you miss about her, like 'I miss you telling me off for leaving my socks all over the place!'

Not suggesting that you don't email/text/skype just giving you something that you both might treasure in the future.

Gingham_R

Igottawii!! wrote: »

I went for 8 days (all I could be absent for) after he'd been gone 10 months, married him on the Weds flew home on the Fri cried my eyes out all the way (12 hours plus!) cause I didn't know when I'd next see him.
Had to take it to appeal for him to be allowed back, took a further 20 months (:eek:) before he was granted his visa then FINALLY after 30 months having seen him once for 8 days in all that time he came back.
We have now been married nearly 20 years so I think I can safely assume it wasn't just the visa he wanted!

Wonderful story. Thanks for sharing it.

balletshoes

another one here who's done the LDR thing at various points along the way through our 10-year relationship and marriage.

It helps if you can keep yourself busy, but yes, it can be lonely. Send those texts when you're thinking of her or want to share the joke, do it straightaway, I'm sure she'll appreciate it and know you're thinking of her .

Tropez

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I am in my old fashioned 'mood' at the moment but have you thought about writing to her?

Before emails, skype etc etc this is how we all kept in touch.

Somehow an email just isn't the same.

In years to come, being able to look at letters (tied with a ribbon!) is truly wonderful. I am sure your partner would love it.

During my college years I spent many hours composing letters to my loved ones (sorry, am going all silly!) You can really go to town in a letter and put into words all the things you miss about her, like 'I miss you telling me off for leaving my socks all over the place!'

Not suggesting that you don't email/text/skype just giving you something that you both might treasure in the future.

It isn't a bad suggestion, perhaps hampered a little by my incoherent scribbling that I pass off as writing but then I suppose I could spend some time honing my skills so that letters did not have the appearance of having been written by an agitated chimpanzee.

balletshoes wrote: »

another one here who's done the LDR thing at various points along the way through our 10-year relationship and marriage.

It helps if you can keep yourself busy, but yes, it can be lonely. Send those texts when you're thinking of her or want to share the joke, do it straightaway, I'm sure she'll appreciate it and know you're thinking of her .

I am wary of texting her at 2am her current time simply because I know that she forgets to put her phone on silent. Many a time I have been awoken by what sounds like a group of excited bats but is in fact the angry screeching of a tired woman who has been awoken by a text message, usually spam, in the early hours of the morning.

However, I know she has to be up at 8am which by my (admittedly feeble) calculations is in about 10 minutes so I'm poised to send!

angelil

Tropez wrote: »

Ah, an admirer of Hank Scorpio! He should have had his own show.

I think for me it is just rather strange. We've been together for several years now and living together for about 2 years so to go from seeing each other every day to not even speaking to each other every day is quite an adjustment.

At least I have Euro 2012 to keep me occupied for a bit!

And congratulations on your first anniversay!

GO HANK

Yes, it must seem rather strange. My husband and I were LD from the start (we met online) so didn't have that same transition phase. Keep at it though, you'll make it!

And thanks