Split up with partner, advice needed on mortgage etc

Rover84

Hello,

I hope this is in the right section ! Ok, I split up with my ex nearly 6 months ago now. At first she said she was too upset to discuss financial matters. I understood and for the first couple of months I ended up paying her basically the same as what I used to input into the joint account (75% of wages) This was obviously not sustainable and I sent her a proposal of how much I would pay child maintenance and also half the mortgage.

Shortly after I received an offer from her solicitor to buy me out of the property, one which was substantially lower than we paid for it ( less than 2 years ago & improvements had also been done) The valuations provided also mentioned 'in the time frame you have suggested' which there was no time frame, as it wasn't being sold... (she probably suggested quick sale wanted = low valuation) I then had it valued myself, with me not even present at the valuation, and it came back being the amount we paid, surprise, suprise. I sent this valuation to her ( not using solicitor) and said I believe it to be more fair and if we take this valuation I would let her keep every last thing in the house too ( I had some nice stuff ) . Also we had all our savings kept in the kids account (naughty I know) in her name, I can kiss goodbye to that.

It has been over a month now and I have not had a reply. Basically she is happy with the status quo as she is receiving half the mortgage and I'm not even stepping foot on the property, and I'm struggling to pay my bills as I can't afford rent + a mortgage on a house I don't live in. I'm losing out big time as the extra money that the house is worth is being cancelled out each month with the mortgage I'm paying her.... if you understand ?

So, I need to send a letter back to her solicitor, but need a bit of clout behind it, what would happen if I said I refused to pay the mortgage ? I'm obviously aware that she might say tough I'm staying here and you're not getting anything, so I can't be to forceful....

I'm not trying to rip her off, I just want the fair amount of equity to get a little place that I can have my kids round, that's all...

I'd be grateful for any advice whatsoever

daska

If the mortgage doesn't get paid then the lender will seek to recoup the money from whoever is named on the mortgage - presumably both of you? And they will pursue whoever is the easier target so if she's not working that'll be you - so you'll end up paying it anyway. You could try moving back in (you have the legal right to), that might concentrate her mind about sorting it out.

j.e.j.

Can you force a sale of the house? I'm not an expert on this but it reminds me of a similar situation with someone I know. In her case it was she who moved out of the house and he stayed put. She's since been struggling to pay rent, etc because all the money is tied up in the house and he has no intention of selling, moving or doing anything!

MissMonkeyMoo

hey Rover, I am not an expert on this so you may want to get this checked out but you do need to be careful here. First off is the mortgage in both of your names? I assume form the information that you have provided that it is. It would be in your best intererst to keep paying half towards the mortgage because if things get ugly (and i really hope that they don't!) the fact that you kept paying towards the mortgage will mean that you are still entitled to equity from the property. Make sure that you can prove that you have been paying half, ie.e pay the mortgage direct from your bank account so you have records, do not give the money to your ex to pay.

You mention that you pay child maintenance; I have no idea for how many children or how much you are paying, but if there are children involved the matter of the house becomes even more difficult! If you try to force the sale of the house, she can apply for some sort of court restriction (not sure what the techinal term is) due to protecting childrens welfare (ie/ they wouldn't want to see children homeless). Like I said, I'm not an expert but you should look into this before you go any further - I do know that in certain cases mothers have been able to stay in the family home with the kids and the ex has had to carry on paying for the privilege.

Whilst I appreciate that it might not be the best situation, can you do what daska suggested and move back in? You do have every legal right to and BTW, just so you know, your ex CANNOT change the locks to keep you out of the house! You can access the property at any time you want to do so as you are still paying your share of the mortgage.

As for the savings in the kids account, are you not both joint signatories on those? If you can't access the funds, then can you speak to the bank about changing them to long term investments? leave them in your childs names so that they can only gain access to the money when they are 18 or something? You may not gain access to your cash but you could set up a nice nest egg for your kids this way!

BitterAndTwisted

In order to protect your interest in the property you should continue to pay your half of the mortgage. I would suggest that you pay it direct to the lender rather than to her. This would prevent her doing something else with the money other than keeping up with the repayments. Then, I'd get my calculator out and figure out precisely what the CSA would require that you pay her for the children.

You don't need any forceful or legalese language when writing to her solicitor. Just state the bald facts: that the valuation she has secured doesn't appear to you to be accurate becasue you have secured your own valuation to be carried out and the price given is rather different. If there's any doubt about the true position you suggest that you both instruct another valuation, sharing the expense of it ,and use all three to arrive at a fair and reasonable estimate.

n.b. Do not get an estate-agent to provide a valuation. They nearly always over-estimate the possible selling-price to acquire your business.

gettingthere1975

By no means factual but as far as i am aware your obligation to your kids is the maintenance. CSA calculater, set up a bank transfer making sure you mark it as CSA payment for (kids names). Re mortgage i would do as others said, pay your 1/2 to mortgage company if its in joint names. I would approach her solicitor with the valuation and state that this is a current valuation, and if she wants to buy out then fine, if not then the house should be sold.

She cant expect you to pay maintenance, mortgage and fund your own life costs, its just not realistic.

Good Luck

Rover84

Cheers guys,

Yep the child maintainence is set up and mortgage set up as standing orders marked as such.

I think I will just have to send a polite letter explaining how a resolution is needed soon as it is not viable for me to carry on paying the mortgage with my other bills. I would not move back in as it would disrupt the children and give her the wrong impression ( I left her)

Hopefully she will just meet me in the middle of both our valuations.

kingfisherblue

I hope that you mean your maintenance is set up as a standing order and labelled 'Child maintenance for Child X, Child Y and child Z', so that you have proof of payments should they ever be needed.

Regarding the sale of the house - I believe that a lot can depend on how old the children are, and if you can reasonably expect your wife to work to pay for housing for herself and the children. If, for example, you have teenagers who will be leaving school in the next couple of years, you could find that a judge will rule that the house can only be sold at the end of the school year in which the youngest leaves school. If, on the other hand, your ex can or does work, and your children are quite a bit younger, it could be that the house has to be sold and your ex has to find a new home for herself and the children.

I am assuming that none of your children are disabled, as that can be where it gets really messy! My ex and I ended up with barristers because he tried to force me to sell the house (and wanted an inflated price!), but he wanted most of the profit. This is despite us having a severely disabled child who will never live even semi independently, and the house having been structurally adapted for his needs. It took years, but the judge ruled in favour of my son having a home to live in for the rest of his life.

I hope that your experiences are not as drawn out and upsetting as mine were.

Rover84

She earns a good salary (more than me !) I hope that if it doesnt come to court to be honest...

I have sent a letter basically asking for a reply to my original counter offer, and have asked for a reply within 7 days. I hope she has been just stringing it out for a bit, as essentially she could just see my half of the mortgage payments as a nice little earner... Hopefully the letter will give her a kick up the bum to get things sorted. To be honest, she could have been advised to string it out, another month or so she wont have far off the difference between mine and her original offer paid back to her in my mortgage payments...

daska

You should be making the mortgage payments direct to the lender. And engaging a solicitor is not the same as taking it to court. You need legal advice as to exactly where you stand, even if you don't use them to correspond with your ex or her solicitor.