Stopping a Teen Smoking

busiscoming2

Thanks for your replies. i didn't think there was much I could really do to stop him, but hoped someone might have the 'magic cure'.

I would never let him smoke in the house, even my dh didn't when he did smoke.

It would seem that the particular group he is friends with at the moment are mainly smokers and he knows some older guys who have bought for them in the past.

I have told him I am not giving him money to spend on smoking, I may just as well set light to some notes instead.

I just hope he will see sense sooner rather than later.

theoldcynic

Don't do what my parents did, which was to get all hysterical, start spouting it was against the law then call the school to try to ban me from speaking to my smoking friends.

All that happened then was that I carried on, kept it more hidden and stopped speaking to them altogether about anything I was interested in trying. It closed the communication channels completely between us, which meant that I did go on to make some more unadvisable choices.

What would have worked would have been a relaxed adult discussion about my reasons for doing it. For me it was about acceptance rather than enjoyment. A feeling that I was not being treated like an adult, a rebellion against all of the responsibilities I had but so few rights to go with it. Trying to fit in with those that were bullying me, building a new image and trying to assert some control over my body/life (albeit in completely the wrong way) and for the sheer thrill of doing something behind their backs.

I don't think I could have verbalised all of this without some prompting I guess, and especially whilst under interrogation. Maybe 'cos I like it' was something I would have defiantly said at the time.

Maybe some acceptance (but not in their home of course) of what I was doing, being less concerned about what the neighbours might think would have taken the thrill away, as well as trying to help me make more wise choices and feel like I was being more of an adult in other ways without controlling me (or appearing like they were controlling me!).

Going on about death or illness, had no impact on me whatsoever. I was a teen, I thought I was immortal and I had a flippant "I don't care if I die anyway" attitude.

I'm not saying this is why your son is doing it, it's just my experience. Maybe a relaxed none judgemental discussion if you can get beyond the "just 'cos'" response, or an understanding that these are all feelings teens can experience might help.

With the money thing, yes taking his money away might work, but again that might take away some of his independence too. If you were to take it away perhaps a little incentive such as visibly saving it up until when he stops so you don't see your money going up in smoke as such but it's there for when he wants to make more wise choices.

mountainofdebt

Its all very well saying you're stopping his allowance but won't that make the whole situation more confrontational that it all ready is?

One alternative (if you can afford it that is) is to get him to admit to you, each week, how much he's spent on the dreaded weed. Then put the equivalent amount in a sealed, clear jar so he can slowly visualise the money that he's burned.

thegirlintheattic

There's not much you can do apart from making it as hard for him to smoke as possible.

Humphrey10

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

There's not much you can do apart from making it as hard for him to smoke as possible.

Also by making it hard for him to smoke (by not giving him money and by not allowing him to smoke in or near the house) you'll make it a lot easier for him to quit, than it will be when he is living alone and able to smoke 24/7 and fund his own habit.

busiscoming2

Taking all the allowance away wouldn't be realistic. I would be afraid he would have to find other ways of finding the money, which could in turn be worse than the smoking.

I like Mountainofdebt's idea of a clear jar. I think he would be honest enough to tell me how much he spends. It's a double edged sword really because as we now know he does it he doesn't have to hide it away so much, which may make him smoke more than he does.

It's all a bit of a gamble really.

lallysmum

My dd (16) smokes which I feel terribly guilty for as I am/was a smoker. It took me a year after I knew that she started, but I am now 17 days into giving up. I will not have cigarettes in or near the house which so far she has respected, but i know that she continues to smoke.

I've got us both gym memberships - me to keep me a non smoker, and her to try to do the same thing. She has been for her induction (on Saturday) and came home telling me that she's going to quit so she can really get fit and healthy again. Whether it works or not remains to be seen, but I've tried plenty of sticks.. now I'm trying the carrot.

And seriously.. money in jar, or if you have an ipad/iphone, there are apps you can download which tell you exactly how many cigarettes you have not smoked and exactly how much money you have saved. It's flipping frightening. Within 6 days I'd saved enough for the gym memberships. Eek.

missile

At 15 he is a young man and you have tried discussing it with him as an adult. It appears that this has not worked. Eventually, one has to accept he is an adult and responsible for his own choice. I hope you do not allow him or anyone else to smoke in your house?

I would feel really guilty funding his habit. I would cut his allowance by five pounds every week until he stopped or his allowance was zero. I would go round the local shops with his photo and ask them to refuse to sell to him.

As others have said, if someone does not want to stop it would be pointless trying to scare him. My father in law died of smoking related illness. Even when he got really bad and on oxygen, he still kept on smoking. His wife my wife and her siblings all smoke :eek:.

RedBern

Kitten_Pie wrote: »

Lollipopsarah,

When I was 12 the legal age was 16, I was still able to purchase from shops. They aren't as vigilant as you would hope/think.

well in that case a call to Trading Standards is in order. They should be vigilant, and if they aren't abiding by legislation they should be prosecuted.

sock-knitter

wish i knew the answer to this one, i have 17 year old twins who have smoked from being 16. one has stopped smoking now, as his new gf didnt like it, got patches and gum from nhs to help him
other son still smokes, even when he has no money, he asks mates or even random strangers for a cigarette, he has a bad cough, also, but nothing anyone says can get thru to him