Double barrel surname already - change of name help for when married?

vbt

Hi,

I'm having a bit of a dilemma; I currently have a double-barreled surname and will be getting married in September. I do not want to give up my surname when I marry as I have a strong attachment to both parts of it, and it is part of my identity. For work purposes I don't want to change it either.

However, my partner is very keen on me taking his name in some form or another. Does anyone have experience of this and what did you do about your name?

I already have very unusual first and middle names, so already have 4 parts to my name so in adding a 5th how do I go about doing this - would I add another hyphen or add it at the end without a hyphen. I think my fiancee's hoping that if I add it at the end people will drop my existing surname off which I don't want!

In legal terms, do I need to do this by deed poll?

Also, if you've experienced this, what did you do about any children's names? That's something we'll have to think about at some point I imagine. Legally, would our children have to have my partner's surname or could they have my 'new' triple barelled one to incorporate both our names. Again, if that was by that time my legal name, would that be automatic or would their names have to be done by deed poll?

I know that many people reading this won't agree with me not taking his name or think that adding a third name is pretentious, but it means a lot to me and so any advice from people who have experienced this would be much appreciated

findingmyownway

I think giving a child a triple barelled surname is unneccessary and a bit mean. Just because you have an attachment to your current 2 names doesn't mean they will, or understand why they are so different to everyone else. Also, I think its more likely they'll choose their own 'favourite' name out of the selection as they get older (probably their dads) and ignore the rest anyway.

Baring in mind you asked for no advice on the pretentiousness of a triple barelled name, I would keep your double barrel for work purposes and take your husbands name for family purposes

So you can be both Dr A-B and Mrs C, use which ever suits the situation best at the time.

corrag

I totally agree with you. When I got married I felt my own identity had been lost and all my family history counted for nothing. Calling myself another name didn't feel right. Unfortunately we didn't stay together (too young and all that).

I am remarrying in 2014 and we will be joining our names.

Having researched it you are not required by law to change your name to your husbands name. It is down to choice.

Are both the names in your double barrel name important to you? I wondered if you could drop one and add your husband-to-be's surname?

vbt

findingmyownway wrote: »

I think giving a child a triple barelled surname is unneccessary and a bit mean. Just because you have an attachment to your current 2 names doesn't mean they will, or understand why they are so different to everyone else. Also, I think its more likely they'll choose their own 'favourite' name out of the selection as they get older (probably their dads) and ignore the rest anyway.

Baring in mind you asked for no advice on the pretentiousness of a triple barelled name, I would keep your double barrel for work purposes and take your husbands name for family purposes

So you can be both Dr A-B and Mrs C, use which ever suits the situation best at the time.

I appreciate that you don't agree with my choices and this is why my final paragrah says what it does. You may not think this is 'right' but as I said, I feel strongly about it and although others might not want to do it like this, it's a choice that me and my partner have made together.

I've had a double barelled name my whole life and have never felt the need to choose between my mum's and my dad's parts of it, but that choice would (rightly) be that of any children we did have as they were growing up.

Thank you for your suggestion of only using my name for work; but as my post mentions, I don't want to take my partner's surname and give up mine, I was curious as to whether nayone else has found themselves in this situation themselves and how they incorporated three parts to a surname.

corrag

Sorry I miss read. I've never come across a three name surname. Are the names all long? Doesn't bother Huge Fearnley-Whittingstall which is practically 3 names

vbt

corrag wrote: »

I totally agree with you. When I got married I felt my own identity had been lost and all my family history counted for nothing. Calling myself another name didn't feel right. Unfortunately we didn't stay together (too young and all that).

I am remarrying in 2014 and we will be joining our names.

Having researched it you are not required by law to change your name to your husbands name. It is down to choice.

Are both the names in your double barrel name important to you? I wondered if you could drop one and add your husband-to-be's surname?

Thank you for your helpful reply - some people seem to think I'm mad or selfish and that for some strange reason if I don't give up my name it means I don't love my partner! Luckily he doesn't agree and understands my feelings and so we've agreed to try and incorporate them together.

My current suranme is part my mum's and part my dad's who separated when I was very little - I wouldn't feel comfortable choosing which part to drop and its my full name as a package that I consider my 'identity'.

Good luck with all your wedding preparations and thanks for taking the time to reply.

spugzbunny

I would like to preface this with I make no judgement!

I had a look for examples of triple barrels and came up with these from wiki:

A few upper-class families (e.g. Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe; Cave-Browne-Cave; Elliot-Murray-Kynynmound; Heathcote-Drummond-Willoughby; Vane-Tempest-Stewart) have "triple-barrelled" surnames (sometimes created when one spouse has a double-barrelled name and the other has a single surname). Nowadays, such names are almost always abbreviated in everyday use to a single or double-barrelled version.

I'm not exactly sure what you are asking as you say you don't want to drop or change your current surname. I do know someone who merged their surnames for example middlebottom and smithton becomes middleton. That doesn't help you from what I understand!

I think you are asking how it should be linked? So if you are Smith-Jones and you marry Ford, do you become Smith-Jones-Ford or Smith-Jones Ford or Ford Smith-Jones. I don't think you can answer that without hearing the names. I think the tradition is females first.

Good luck!

BabyBoots

It's hard to give advice without knowing the names in question, and I can understand you may prefer to remain anonymous.

Do the syllables of the names help you put them in an order? E.g if you're a Fearnley-Whittingstall and he's a Smith, Fearnley-Whittingstall-Smith sounds fine to me, it kind of rolls off the tongue. Fearnley-Whittingstall-O'Reilly might be a bit much. Is he willing to take the new triple-barreled name too, or does he want to remain single barreled? Could you agree on an oredr you're both happy to take as a triple-barreled name?

(Your existing children could then changes theirs too - it will still be recognisable at school at it's 2/3 the same.)

If all three names sounds unwieldy with your unusual forenames, could you try amalgamating two of the three? E.g. Fearnstall-Smith? That way everyone's family name is included to some extent, without it being too cumbersome.

joannaspanner

Change it to Smith.

wanchai_2

vbt -is your username made up of your initials? I'm trying to guess your name now

Seriously though, it is hard to advise without knowing the names. PM me if you want and I will reply in confidence.

xx

double_mummy

you could both use his name as a middle name and then add your double barreled surname for the both of you

the child issue - my kids are double barreled between mine and OHs surnames and we are both DBing ours when we marry