my dad has had a stroke.....

monnie38

and i dont know what to do.
he and my mum are going through a divorce. he has left hospital and is in a care home.
the stroke was severe and he is left disabled.

he wants me to sort everything out for him from now on and not my mum.

the first thing i need to do is sort out his finances i need to find out what/if any benefits he can get and i need to get him a new bank account.
i need the bank to visit him in his home? is that even possible?

i really just need some advice on what i can do?

i have never dealt with anything like this before he is very young only 53.

Broke_n_Broken

1st I'd suggest asking here too:http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=139

2nd you're not alone, there is help out there, ie CAB, council benefits advisers, disability charities, the staff at the care home may help too

3rd Dad should be entitled to ESA, (employment & support allowance) may get DLA (disability living allowance) maybe others, LHA, CTB, carers allowance (for carers to claim) but i'm not sure. Again staff should help.

I don't know of banks visiting anymore, maybe Natwest? Again, care home staff should have experience of that.

Look here: https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/index.htm

monnie38

thank you ! i always thought if this ever happend id be old enough and in a better situation to deal with it, im only 25.
i cant believe its happened and i feel so selfish for saying it but im finding it all really ahrd.

thank you for your help!

mynameistallulah

I have answered on your other thread, but please don't feel selfish, there are people twice your age that would have no idea what to do in this situation. You are going through a grieving process, this is a massive change for both of you. You can get some support, both financial and emotional, from the Stroke Association. They may be able to put you in touch with other young carers also, so you can speak to people that can relate to what you are going through.

Broke_n_Broken

monnie38 wrote: »

thank you ! i always thought if this ever happend id be old enough and in a better situation to deal with it, im only 25.
i cant believe its happened and i feel so selfish for saying it but im finding it all really ahrd.

thank you for your help!

No worries, like I said, you're not alone.

It's a lot for anyone to handle & I know Dad doesn't want Moms help, but that doesn't mean she can't help you.

Deep breath, 1 thing at a time & please do contact CAB.
You may want to take some tissues....

ineed

Hi monnie, really sorry this has happened please don't feel like your selfish, if i were in your position id be exactly the same. I just wanted to say if your father wants you to take over his affairs have you thought about a power of attorney? It might not be for you but I only ask as I've had to look into it before. It would make dealing with his finances much easier. Here is a link, in case your interested in finding out about it. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Mentalcapacityandthelaw/Makingarrangementsincaseyoulosementalcapacity/DG_185921

as others said CAB can advise you on everything, good luck to you and your family.

vulcan1964

Take a deep breath and relax a little. I have had two strokes at the age of 45.

Follow the advice above. Its good advice.

Your father will change. he will be confused, angry, fearful, terrified and depressed as he comes to terms with his illness. I am still improving 3 years on.

The biggest gift you can give him is just being there and your support.

But things will get better in time and you will show he has a daughter to be proud of.

clemmatis

Monnie I answered on the other thread but thought I'd post here too to say, you aren't being selfish. Of course it's hard.

Your GPs may have some form of carers' support. Or there may be a local carers' group.

These links may help

http://www.patient.co.uk/support/Stroke-Association-The.htm

http://www.stroke.org.uk/about-us

http://www.stroke.org.uk/search/node/carers

juliep123

As the above poster suggested try the stroke association - my MIL had a stroke a couple of years ago and they were a mine of information and support.
Best wishes to your dad - don't forget to take care of yourself too !
Jules x

Savvy_Sue

There's also Different Strokes, for younger stroke survivors.

Dreams777

Your father will probably be able to get the help of a social worker who is there for him and you. They will help you with any questions you have. Also visit the CAB for advice. Some communities have Resource centres were your father can go to be among other Stroke victims, learning new hobbies and socialising. Gives them an interest and they are among people in similar circumstances. My brother suffered a stroke 3 years ago and my ex husband a stroke last July. In my husbands case my children had to help him with his care, finances etc. (I am there to help my children and will help my ex if he wants help as we are still friendly). Beware their personality can change as they get very frustrated in not being able to do things they did before. Also they can become very attention seeking. Take care of your own health. It can be very hard work look after someone who has had a stroke and you want to ensure your own health doesn't suffer.