What will happen next April?

chris1973

He is very proud. A plasterer by trade, and sadly it seems to be tough to get work of that kind currently in this area.

Where do you live?, Mars?. Around here plasterers are like plumbers, damned hard to pin down for a quote and to do the work. We are in a recession and in recessions there is always demand for a tradesperson to do work at the weekends. I'm guessing he has access to his own tools, well tell him to get a Free Ad on Gumtree or one of the many 'Trades" sites, where people list their Jobs and local tradespeople bid a quote to do them - plenty of plastering opportunities on them, who knows!, there may be some in your area. Have you spread the word around friends and family that he wants to do a bit of work between his studies?, has he had his free vistaprint business cards printed and handed them out?, spread the word down the pub?

If he hasn't done any of that, then he's not trying very hard!. He's more fortunate than most in that he's got a trade and one which is in reasonable demand. Plenty of new builds springing up with entire new housing estates, all of which need plastering, is he registered with any trade agencies?. A friend of my Stepfathers is a plasterer and still manages to find plenty of little jobs on the side, for people, and he's 70 and retired!

He'll have to keep track of his income and expenses and submit them on an annual basis for tax purposes, but he'll be entitled to earn a fair whack before he pays any tax, thanks to the personal allowance - either way its better than living off the missus.

Whats this big proud bloke doing now?, sat up right into the early hours every night searching for Jobs and considering ways plying his trade to earn a crust or sat on his backside watching the tele?, if he's suffering from Sofa syndrome or sleeping soundly whilst you lie awake worrying, then i'm sorry but you have a right lame duck on your hands, tell him to shape up or ship out!.

Sounds to me like he just wants the moon on a stick, he's got his feet under your table and he's essentially a kept man - I probably wouldn't bother working either if you handed me that opportunity!. If you don't sort it now, believe me you'll have a millstone around your neck, and getting him to take responsibility for your joint living costs will be like moving a 30 tonne boulder by kicking it whilst wearing your slippers.

His Mother may have carried him for 9 months, but make it clear you are not taking up where she left off and you won't be carrying him for the rest of his life.

Froom2

What a post, Chris... thank you
I'm going to speak to him about things this weekend.

I think I agree with everything you've all said, of course it is hard to explain that it probably isn't all as bad as it has probably come accross... but indeed I do feel very much like I'm acting as his mother. Ironically when I had a go at him and asked him to do things earlier in the year he told me to stop acting like his mother... it occurred to me the other day that it seems like he wants all the convenience of a mother without the nagging. So I'm pretty angry about it as I'm sure you can imagine.

Regardless, so long as he does make an effort and gets a job (fingers crossed - he finally sent of for his cscs card yesterday!) I think we will be okay.

Any ideas on how I can educate him a bit better about finances? I have been thinking about this, and I was thinking that maybe I should make a rule of going through EVERYTHING we've spent each month. Item by item, maybe with receipts. I'm keeping a (pretty swanky looking if I do say so myself, I'm an excel geek) spreadsheet of all income and outgoings, and list exactly what gets spent.

Do you think this will help him understand better? He's always admitted to me that he's not very good with money, so because it's something I feel quite strongly about I'd like to try and teach him rather than just get angry at him without giving him a chance.

Also, do you think it might be a good idea to say to him that at a certain point I'll start adding half of all the bills to his debt to me? Give him a bit more motivation to find work?

(should I move this discussion to a different place now that it's not so much about benefits anymore?)

Froom2

Anubis wrote: »

Can you explain that one further? Do you mean next years will be based on 16.5k ?

Yes, as far as I understand (do correct me if I'm wrong) Working tax credit is based on your income in the previous financial year, and I think the difference between last year and this year (not quite sure how that works). Neither my boyfriend or I earned anything significant last year, which is why we get a substantial amount this year. Next year however, it will be based on a household income of 16.5k, meaning that we will not be eligible for anywhere near the amount we get now.

*saves like hell*

BigAunty

Froom2 wrote: »

...
Any ideas on how I can educate him a bit better about finances? I have been thinking about this, and I was thinking that maybe I should make a rule of going through EVERYTHING we've spent each month. Item by item, maybe with receipts. I'm keeping a (pretty swanky looking if I do say so myself, I'm an excel geek) spreadsheet of all income and outgoings, and list exactly what gets spent.

MSE has an excellent budget planner. Perhaps it would be better if you actually got him to fill it in from scratch rather than just passively show it to him? He should have loads of time on his hands, even double modules with OU tend to only have a part time commitment.

BTW, does he get free or cheap OU modules because of his low income or does he get contributions based JSA? Free/cheap education might be a motivation to stop him returning to the workplace, OU fees can be quite dear, so maybe it suits him not to work and pay for his fees, he might see this as quite a bit of a hassle.

How is he paying for his course when he can't pay for his van insurance, petrol, MOT (and presumably tax, repairs, etc)?

Froom2 wrote: »

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...

Do you think this will help him understand better? He's always admitted to me that he's not very good with money, so because it's something I feel quite strongly about I'd like to try and teach him rather than just get angry at him without giving him a chance.

He may just feign interest just to keep you off his back without ever fundamentally changing his behaviour - what he needs to do to improve household finance is get out there and work, like most OU students do.

At the moment, he's got no money to manage, other than any contributions based JSA that he may have received during the first 6 months which I hope handed over to you for his keep.

I think you could find that he will class this as motherly nagging if he's not actually prepared to take responsibility for his money, nor shared household expenses.

Surely there are websites or library books you could incentivise him to read and act on (by producing a budget, saving plan, etc) rather than handhold him through basic personal finance?

Froom2 wrote: »

...
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Also, do you think it might be a good idea to say to him that at a certain point I'll start adding half of all the bills to his debt to me? Give him a bit more motivation to find work?

Look, you can't get money out of someone who doesn't have it, this arrangement is going to be legally quite difficult to enforce, if the relationship breaks down you won't see a penny, not of any of the payments you've made on his behalf in the past, not of any you charge in the future.

some relationships never have this kind of IOU basis - one supports the other on the expectation that if their situations were reversed, the partner would do the same. do you think your boyfriend would happily support you if he was working and you were off work with anxiety/depression?

Tell him to sell the van, that you can't afford to subsidise a works vehicle whose owner is not working! That would make him get his shift on - he's not short of any major comforts if you do an 'IOU'.

Froom2 wrote: »

...


(should I move this discussion to a different place now that it's not so much about benefits anymore?)

No harm in posting 'my boyfriend is losing the will to work and contribute' post in the relationship section and a 'best way to educate someone who is poor at managing money' thread on an appropriate board.

BigAunty

Froom2 wrote: »

Yes, as far as I understand (do correct me if I'm wrong) Working tax credit is based on your income in the previous financial year, and I think the difference between last year and this year (not quite sure how that works). Neither my boyfriend or I earned anything significant last year, which is why we get a substantial amount this year.

so how did you manage last year with low employment income and no benefits? what was your total income last year compared with this year?

Froom2

BigAunty wrote: »

so how did you manage last year with low employment income and no benefits? what was your total income last year compared with this year?

Being a student and living at home zero income until part time employment, then 20 hours a week min wage for three months or so until finding full time job up north.