Ettiquette on being a plus one

youluckypanda

Hi there,

A quick peep tells me that +1's are a bit of a mine field in wedding land. But as someone looking on the other side, I'd be happy to get people's opinions. I've been invited by a friend as their plus one to one of their friends weddings. From what she has said she doesn't know if there will be many people there that she knows (guess that is why she has a plus one?).
I don't know the couple, although am told the bride works in the same industry as me. Just wondering what the expectation is for me as an unknown plus one? I've not been to any weddings as an adult so I'm not sure what to expect. To add its for the full day.

What sort of gift is acceptable? Is it expected that I give them a gift? How much money should I spend on a gift? Do I give them a card? (Don't actually even know their names at the moment! Would have to find out!)

Quite excited about going, just want to make sure I don't make a big faux pas! Any thoughts apprieciated!

kacy1988

personally in that situation i would speak to the friend that invited me.
i would probably contribute £10 - £15 ish towards a gift from me and said friend. and i would ask said friend to sign the card from us both.:o

i think thats more than reasonable since you dont know the couple. i would make sure i knew their names before the wedding though

if your friend had invited her boyfriend instead of you then the ettiquette would have been a joint card and present so i dont think it's unreasonable to do it that way still

just my oppinion though!!!

johannalf88

I honestly don't know!
Tbh it is kind of expected that you give a gift (whether that is right or wrong is another minefield), but if in doubt I think it is always best! You could go halfs with your friend, but if your friend wants to get something that you can't afford it would put you in an awkward position... Either that or you could end up giving 1 tenth of a set of glasses or something! Ask your friend if there is a gift list, if there is just pick something off there which suits your price range.

findingmyownway

I don't think I'd be too chuffed about being expected to give a gift in this situation. You're basically going as a favour to your friend so she isn't on her own all day. I think your responsibilities are to be nice to the other guests, not get too drunk/made a fool of yourself and generally just have a good time. Your friend should be sorting the present/card from you both as its her who knows the couple and what is appropriate.

wanchai_2

I do think that you should contribute what you feel is appropriate towards a joint gift. I would, anyway.

If I felt that it was a chore to go, I would simply decline. But it seems that you are very happy to go so enjoy xx

johannalf88

Congrats on the weight loss btw Wanchai! It seems you are doin really well! I actually dipped below 9 1/2 st when I was ill, but unfortunately now I am better I am over again!

wanchai_2

johannalf88 wrote: »

Congrats on the weight loss btw Wanchai! It seems you are doin really well! I actually dipped below 9 1/2 st when I was ill, but unfortunately now I am better I am over again!

Thanks johanna!!! I'm well chuffed.

MsShopper

I've been in your situation once, OP. I split the cost of the gift with my friend and we both signed the card. That said, it was an amount that I was comfortable with.

wanchai_2

Yes, I think that the friend should pay more towards the gift if it's something a bit more expensive.

VfM4meplse

findingmyownway wrote: »

I don't think I'd be too chuffed about being expected to give a gift in this situation.

I agree - but having said that, if you were attending a houseparty, you wouldn't turn up empty handed? I'd probably give the equivalent of a hostess gift and a card indicating that the gift is a small gesture.

Idiophreak

I'm with everyone else...write your name in your friend's card, buy them a couple of drinks at the reception by way of a contribution to the gift...Your friend, conversely, should probably be give them a little more than they would otherwise - as they've gone to the expense of allowing them to bring a +1 for company...that way the couple end up with something approaching what other "couples" would give them. Having said that, its important to remember that reciprocity isn't entirely the point of wedding gifts...

Also, try and have a word with your friend and make sure they introduce you to the couple at the earliest opportunity. Nobody wants to be sat on their wedding day going "who's that person?"