Your thoughts about our wedding

BugglyB

OH and I want to get married next July. I'm very excited as its been a long time coming!

I just need some thoughts on the actual wedding. I don't want a big do at all, and I don't want to do too much planning or fuss, just to get hitched, enjoy the day and carry on with our lives. We have decided on family and close friends.

Grandparents, parents and siblings and us = 20 people

If we added cousins and aunties/uncles onto that it would be 125 :eek: so thats an easy decision, just close family.

Where we am coming unstuck is our friends. We would love to get married in our home town, in the registry office, then go to a pub or restaurant after for a meal. When we look at our friends locally its so hard to 'grade' them. There are a couple that we must have there that have supported us a lot in the last few years. But then there are a few others I would like to have there, but then you get into well if they're coming really they should be coming, I don't want to upset people or be talking about the wedding that they are not invited to.

Other considerations are I would like a hen do, and I really dont want to invite people to that who aren't coming to the wedding. Also I don't really want more friends than family.

SO, do we
- not invite any friends and be upset that those two are not there.
- pick and choose and deal with the fallout and not have a hen do
- another option I thought was compromise over where we do it and go abroad so that less people can come anyway. It seems kind of mean to have the wedding in the town where everyone lives but say 'you can't come'

My mum would kill me if we eloped, which is by far and away my preferred option :rotfl:

Please be kind to me! This is a wedding board so yes I want to muse over aspects of my wedding! Help me!

BugglyB

Forgot to say, I know next July is soon in wedding terms, we would be getting married on a weekday to keep costs down, so I think that gives us more time to decide.

Idiophreak

Not to add to the pressure, but you only have one shot at your wedding. The only way to look back and not have regrets? Just do exactly as you want.

Only you know how you feel about your friends and what you can afford.

Personally, I love all my friends and having more of them around to share and celebrate the day with seemed better than having fewer. So I invited pretty much all of them.

Conversely, my work colleagues, I invited the people I liked and didn't invite everyone else. There wasn't really "fall out" about it, at all. People understand that weddings are expensive and that you can't afford to invite everyone, even if you wanted to.

A lot of people on these boards seem to find more friends = more stress...if that's the case, then don't invite them. The most important thing is that you enjoy your day as much as possible. I think, when you really think about it, you'll know the people you want around you to make that happen.

Roz_V

Hmmm tough one...

We were in the same boat as you - grandparents/parents/siblings/aunties&uncles/cousins = 80ppl :eek: In the end we have decided to have a morning ceremony followed by a posh lunch which is strictly parents, grandparents, siblings & godmothers (+husbands) = 14 guests. We are then having a reception in the afternoon/evening for everybody we've ever met (well that's what it feels like :rotfl: ) in a barn which was cheap to hire, and serving a pie & peas buffet to keep costs down. Not sure this helps you though as you're not wanting the reception bit...

If you go abroad, would all of your family be able to travel? It was an option that we considered but my grandmother & OH's grandfather wouldn't have been able to make it so we decided against that option.

duchy

I think if you say it's a small wedding and it's mainly family-most people wouldn't give it a second thought. Closest friends could be prewarned not to make too much of a big deal about it to the rest of your social circle.

My brother had a very informal wedding meal-bangers and mash in a pub known for their extraordinarily good sausages-It was very relaxed and suited his style . He'd have hated the sit down formal meal I had for mine for his own wedding. Decide what YOU want -and can afford and go for it.

If your budget will stretch to it you could have a seperate wedding "party" when you come back from honeymoon .

Is there any reason you have to marry in your home town -going to Gretna (or anywhere really) would solve the "local friend's " problem

heartbreak_star

Have a quiet ceremony, a meal for those guests afterwards, and a big party in the evening? My friend did that, she married in a tiny church so they really had to watch the numbers (bless her heart, she invited my OH when he wasn't with me and no +1 due to numbers - by the time the wedding came around we were firmly together so I got an apology and an invite for the evening bash!) so there were about 25 guests at her wedding and 100+ at the party.

It doesn't have to be expensive - social club bar and buffet, local DJ - but it means everyone gets to be a part of your day.

HTH, have an fab day

HBS x

Burlesque_Babe

we had a similar situation and whilst we have a small family group of 20 (excluding a few cousins, aunts etc we don't see from one year to the next), we didn't know what to do about friends and also there is 1 couple we really wanted to come but that would have led to a definite 'grading' situation.

We have decided (we are having 2 ceremonies) to have both sets of parents to our registry ceremony and a pub lunch in a nice country pub for the 6 of us and then 3 days later we are having a handfasting ceremony blessing with 20 family and a 3 course sit down meal - no disco etc afterwards.

We have then said that if any friends (lots are from MSE and so live scattered around the country and so cost and time are a real factor) want to make the journey to come to see us in the bar of the location that evening, we will be there and will buy them a few drinks.

We were going to have a village hall reception for about 50 and then an open evening invitiation for anyone else we know to join us, but even that we felt was a grading of friends 'thing' and with the distance aspect we felt we would quite possibly be rattling around in a church hall with a disco playing away to a handful of people.

We have done what feels right for us and at the end of the day, you must do the same.

angelil

We had close family only (parents/siblings/grandparents) at the wedding day and reception, and then we had a party to which others were invited a couple of months later. This included the original wedding guests but also aunts/uncles/cousins/friends etc.

katie1812

Could you not just have a party or night out/meal afterwards for those people that you are unable to invite to celebrate your marriage? You should invite who you want and can afford, but also I think some peopple would understand if you said you are only having a small wedding with the close family, and then invited your very close friends. You cannot invite everyone you know or COULD invite, the list would be endless. Just do what is best for you both!

BugglyB

Thanks everyone so much for your comments and thoughts.

Perhaps we could have a bbq or something at the weekend to celebrate with everyone who couldn't come to the wedding. When I think about it I really want to get married in our home town, its where we met and where our relationship has blossomed and anywhere else would feel fake in a way.

Duchy did your brother have exclusive use of the pub venue for bangers and mash?

Idio thank you for your post. You are right we would hate to have regrets!

Roz how many people is your evening do? Are you doing speeches and stuff too?

Burlesque babe are you sad your friends aren't coming to your ceremony or does it feel ok?

Roz_V

BugglyB wrote: »

Roz how many people is your evening do? Are you doing speeches and stuff too?

We're not having speeches but we will have a formal cutting of the cake before the first dance.

We're inviting 135 people to arrive at around 4.30 (we'll arrive at 5) and then there'll be mingling etc until the Pie & Peas are served at 6.30. We're then inviting another 50 or so informally (no invitations, we'll just mention it in conversation) to join us for cake & dancing at about 8 and we'll cut the cake & start the disco then.

I think the total for the evening reception is about £2650 - this includes venue hire; arrival drinks, pie & pea buffet and dessert for 138 people; DJ; chair covers and other decor/centrepieces etc. Could easily be done for much less than that