Where do I go?

somethingidontno

My husband has told me (in no uncertain terms) that he wants me to leave. He is permanently disabled and I have been his carer since 2003. We married in 2004 (it is our 9th wedding anniversary today:() and I became disabled myself in 2008, mainly from doing all the lifting etc because he couldn't - I have arthritis of the spine and have to walk with a stick. Looking back, I think he just married me so I would care for him but I suppose I have outlived my purpose now that I am disabled myself. I am 52 and my husband is 44.

We live in a privately-rented house and my father-in-law is our landlord. I receive DLA (high rate mobility, low rate care) and carer's allowance. My husband receives DLA (high rate mobility and care) and ESA. Both of us are on 'indefinite' awards. Our council tax and rent are currently paid for by the council.

I now need to leave and try to forge a life for myself, only I have no idea where to go, or how to go about it. I don't have much in the way of savings, and most of the mobility component of my DLA pays for my Motability car. I have a history of anxiety and depression and don't want to get that low again, but this situation is bound to trigger it off. I want to get set-up somewhere before that happens.

Does anyone know if I can apply for housing in my own right, and if so, to whom? I know I will lose my carer's allowance but think I will be eligible for ESA instead. My husband will be all right because he should be entitled to a Severe Disability Premium (I looked into this a couple of years ago, when we had a shaky patch).

I two grown-up children, a daughter who lives in the same town as me (but who hasn't a spare room) and my son is moving 300 miles away next month. I feel so alone and would be grateful for any advice.

MrsManda

*lots of hugs* must be a shock for you

Even though your daughter doesn't have a spare room I'm sure she'd be happy to help you in any way she can.

I think the first thing to do is to make an appointment with the housing/benefits team at your local council to speak to them about your new situation. They'll be able to walk you through your options regarding housing.

They may also suggest arranging an appointment at the jobcentre so that you can get advice on what other benefits you can claim.

Do you have a counsellor/social worker who helps you with your depression and anxiety? If you do I'd recommend contacting them and explaining what's happened as it's better to get support in place now and hopefully reduce the chance of a relapse than wait to see if you have one.
If you don't have this support contact your GP.

somethingidontno

Thanks for coming back to me, MrsManda.
I doubt if the council would be interested in helping me with housing: we rent privately and are not even on the council housing list any more (we were, but couldn't find anywhere suitable so decided to rent off my husband's father).
I no longer have a counsellor, as my sessions ended last summer. I'm stronger now, mentally, so I think I can cope with the upheaval; I just don't know where to move myself out to.
My GP is rubbish at anything other than writing a repeat prescription.

NAR

What a louse! Don't forget his anniversary present - a pillow over his face sounds about right! :rotfl::rotfl:

HB58

NAR wrote: »

What a louse! Don't forget his anniversary present - a pillow over his face sounds about right! :rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:I should imagine that is very tempting, under the circumstances!

OP, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think you can contact Shelter and your local Womens' Refuge, as well as your council housing officer, they should be able to point you in the right direction if nothing else.

earthbound_misfit

You can contact the council and join the waiting list for a council property (would be a small flat probably). In some, if not all areas they run council/housing association properties by a scheme called 'choice-based lettings'. This means you register on the scheme (again, contact the council to find out) and when a property becomes free you can put in a 'bid' for it. (They call it a bid but really you're just expressing interest in it, the rent cost is already set). Whoever has shown interest and is also deemed the most in need/highest up the list gets the property.
In the meantime, you could look for a private rental property. You mention you have some savings which you could use for a deposit. When you put down a deposit, the landlord is obliged by law to put it into a deposit protection scheme - this is supposed to make sure you get it back when the time comes! So you should check the landlord is doing this.
The council or Shelter or other housing advice places can point you in the direction of suitable landlords who register with various schemes, however there may not be many of them.
Good luck - you can do this

Brassedoff

Nice bloke.....not!