Relationship advice...

gibson123

Sounds to me like you are kidding yourself on.. you obviously don't trust him and have pretending you do and insisting on total honesty. This first inkling of evidence has you running to the advice boards. I think you need to be honest with yourself and have a long think about your true feelings and levels of trust and whether you want to sustain the relationship. Do you honestly really believe that it was only a kiss?

The fact is that he really has done nothing wrong in his relationship with you, except break one of your self-imposed strict rules. There must be some other deep down reason that you are finding it difficult to trust him.

nickyhutch

Alikay wrote: »

I don't think it IS all that outrageous that he didn't tell you until now: I don't feel we need to spill our guts about everything thats gone on in a previous relationship when we start with someone new. He told you he'd cheated on his ex, so you could deal with the information that he's capable of straying in certain situations, which is enough IMO. Who the other party was, I don't feel should make a difference (unless it's your sister, best friend or mum obv!!)

I do understand why you're angry but I don't feel he's any more in the wrong for cheating with "she that you can't stand" than any other woman in your town tbh.

I've just noticed it was kissing rather than full-blown parallel relationships with the other women: Sorry but I think you need to get a grip - the poor bloke was just going out with his ex, not married with kids!

I agree with this completely.

If you decide you don't want to stay with him because you feel he might stray again, then fair enough. But for not telling you he kissed someone else while he was going out with someone else? No, way too over the top.

Scrapaholic

If the relationship is good why throw it away for something that happened in the past . You found out he didn't tell you who exactly he kissed but you know that he kissed others whilst in his last relationship.
Focus on your relationship and the future , that's the important thing . None of us can change the past but we can learn from it .

Cazza

How old was he, how long ago was it and how long have you been together? 17 year old boys will do silly things whilst 30 year old men should expect to get kicked into touch by most self respecting women (and I mean the ex, not the OP, that depends on her answer!).

Gavin83

Honestly seems like a crazy thing to throw away a great relationship over, but it's your decision I guess. Had I been him I wouldn't have said anything at all, if someone asks me if I've cheated in the past I wouldn't have even considered kissing. I don't see it as unreasonable that it slipped his mind.

Four_leaf_clover_2

What are his good points?

Seriously he cheated on his ex twice, at least that is how many he has owned up to so far. Now he has been proven to be a liar.

You have trust issues with him, understandably. Cut your losses and find someone who you can be happy with, not stuck with someone who makes you question the relationship and feel anxiety and stress. Leopards dont change their spots and eventually he will most likely treat you the same as the previous girls.

You deserve better, dont you?

thorsoak

DarlingDaughter wrote: »

Hello,

I'm aware my problem isn't as major as other people's problems, but I'd really appreciate some advice.

Well, to cut a long story short its come to light that my boyfriend cheated on his ex-girlfriend, with somebody who I share bad blood with; but nothing beyond disagreements. The issue for me, is that when he told me about a girl who'd he also cheated on his ex with, I was fine, even respected him for telling his ex what he'd done. But he didn't tell me about the girl who I dislike, I even asked if there were any more girls; to which he said no which of course I now found this out to be a lie.

So, he's distraught that he's lied to me and I feel that's genuine. As it was just a kiss between this girl, both girls in fact were just a kiss, he says it 'slipped' his mind but I feel by lying to me hes betrayed my trust.

I'm sadend by the fact that our relationship was going so well, perhaps now I feel its been tainted. Esspecially as when we started our relationship he had a big policy of 'honesty' as his ex told him some malicious lies. So now I feel that, as hes lied to me, hes undermined one of the fundemental 'foundations' of our relationship. I've never lied to him, it's quite an ingrained belief of mine not to lie.

Upon re-reading this I realise how juvinille it sounds, perhaps it is.


My thoughts on this are:

• Am I blowing this way out of proportion?
• Do I break up with him, on the grounds that he needs to know I won't be lied to and won't take it lightly?
• Or do I get over it?

Thanks for all your help.

TBH, if "kissing" X & Y whilst in a "relationship" with Z is counted as cheating, then really, neither of you are old enough to be in a relationship!