please help

diane118

hi please could you let me know your views on my problem i have a brother who has the sum of £26.000 save up £16.000 of which is my mums left over from her pension and works pension he has saved it up and put in his bank book in the 4 yrs he has been mums carer, i know this as he told me so.

He as allways lived with mum as he never married she has looked after him for 51 yrs, mum is 84 and is very frail and her memory isnt good. when he became her carer he was unemployed and had been for at least 5yrs before that,

I help out as much as i can by cleaning mums house doing her washing and getting her medication my brother has a carer come in 3 times a day to wash and changed her. in which i payed for that for 2 and a half years as he said he could not afford it. then i found out he had told me lies and he could all along. I have worked out mums bills gas electric council tax ect that have to be paid from her pension and works pension ect and after all the bills are paid he has £80 a week left over. (which he saves in HIS BANK BOOK MUM HAS NO MONEY ) plus he has her carers allowance of which he has left after paying the carers the sum of £48 a week plus his own carers allowance of about £36 and £84 the state pays him, to buy his food with. mum does not eat anything she lives on ensuresfood drinks which she gets free from the doctors.

Mum wants him to live in the house when she dies which i agree with her as it is her wishes, but my brother seems to think he is intitled to the house and all her money for looking after her i dont agree and mum has not made a will, her house will be spilt 50 50.because of this,

I have suggested to my brother that that he pays me 12% ie £12.000 of the house in cash lump sum when mum dies god rest her sole (house at the moment is worth £100.000) and say 18% of the house value in monthly payments of £50 a month until payed off ( work out as that time that would mean i would own 30% of the house and he would own 70% and he would still be able to live in the house and keep all mums money. He does not agree with this and thinks its not a fair offer. What do you out there think is it fair or not. .

moob_2

I think your brother is a leech - no offence.

I also think you should get your mum to a lawyer to have her Will made out in full, as this would save any legal issues in respect of her Estate.

mountainofdebt

I thought that if your brother had savings over a certain amount then the benefits he could have in his own right (ie not connected with looking after your mum) would be affected?

Is your brother keeping your mum short of money?

Regardless of the right or wrongs of the situation regarding what your brother is doing with the money, I find the whole question of you both arguing of what will happen once your mum has died, at the present time a little distastful.

safesound

Sorry to play devils advocate but I assume you understand that he cannot work whilst claiming carers allowance, and that maybe your mother is telling you one thing and him another? Have you asked him if he's keeping that money for himself or using an account in his name so he can easily manage the account for your mother? Its very easy to jump to the conclusion that someone is dodgy especially if your looking from the outside, but its not always the case.

I was in a very similar situation to you a few years ago and only found out after the fact that my brother would have loved to have gotten a job but felt morally bound to stay home and look after mum. He put up with so much physical and mental strain that NOONE saw because noone was there 24 hours a day like he was.
I'm not condoning him taking her money if thats what he's doing as I think thats wrong and I know that my situation probably wasnt the same but I think you really do need to understand that its not a free ride looking after an elderly relative even with the help of a professional carer. Giving up your own life to look after someone in their waning years is a very honourable thing to do, unfortunately legally they get no compensation for it. Please remember that while you were able to get on with your life (get a job, meet a partner, get married, buy/rent a house, have kids etc) there were people who simply couldnt because they felt they had no option but to be there 24/7 for a relative.

I appologise if I've gone off on a tangent and maybe I'm projecting too much of my own life onto yours but this is something I feel very strongly about.

ormus

if your mother dies without making a will, then the usual case is that you and your brother will share the estate 50/50.
the money in your brothers account is a separate issue as it would be nigh impossible to prove it was your mothers (after her passing on).
weve got friends in devon, in a somewhat similar position to yours. it has turned into a nightmare for the 2 middle aged sisters.
good luck.